Preschool Teach: Parenting Advice for Raising Toddlers

Teaching Our Children Values

2011-10-11T14:12:00.001-04:00

Teaching our children core values has never been tougher. With pop culture’s mixed messages and poor examples from many of today’s musical and media heroes, it’s difficult to find good role models.
Medford, NJ’s Carole Gold, author, inspirational speaker, and mother, offers a top ten list of the most important values that all parents must teach their children, including honesty, self-reliance, personal responsibility, fearlessness, forgiveness, compassion, trust, humility, perseverance, and authenticity.
“Honesty is the most important,” says Gold. “It is not a new concept, but we are nothing more than our word. Honesty and integrity have to be the basis for all of our relationships.”

Teach Through Example
“It’s not about what you say, it’s about what you do, how you live, and the examples you show,” suggests Gwen McConnell, who lives with her husband, John, in St. David’s, PA. One of the McConnell’s core values is charity, a lesson that all four of their children, ages 21 to 29, have taken to heart. Twelve years ago, as a senior in high school, their oldest son rode his bike with a friend 75 miles to their shore house in Avalon. Since that time, he has continued that ride, growing it into a fundraiser that recently earned $20,000 for a local school.
Gold stresses that children watch everything their parents do, and hear everything they say. “Regardless of what we say, children give much more weight to what we do,” she explains. “Values must be something that you live, not just something that you speak.”
Another important value the McConnells have instilled in their children is the importance of family. Though John travelled extensively for work, he made sure to be home for as many of his kids’ important moments as possible. “He would make these super human efforts to get back, and if he couldn’t, he would make it a priority to talk to them on the phone,” recalls Gwen. Though family members live in different states, they continue to make time together a priority.

Find Worthy Role Models
In spite of headlines showing many famous people’s bad behaviors, there are people, both throughout history and in today’s world to emulate. That person may even be part of your own family.
“John’s dad was someone who my kids knew well, and in spite of being brilliant and very successful, he was the most humble and understated person who did all kinds of volunteer work and was one of the best examples for my kids,” says Gwen.
Adds Leslie Slate, a mother of four children between the ages of 12 and 22 who reside in Wilmington, DE, “We focus more on everyday people and how we all can be heroes.”

Mistakes Happen
No one is perfect, and your children will likely make mistakes, crossing the boundaries you set. You must have an open line of communication with your children to understand why they behaved the way they did. Next, there must be a consequence for the action, and it is best to tie the consequence to the behavior whenever possible.
That’s exactly what Slate did when one of her four children came home with a D on her interim report card. After a heart-to-heart conversation, her daughter explained that she hadn’t completed a project because she found the subject boring. Together, they came up with an appropriate punishment.
“I reminded her that she didn’t hurt anybody but herself and it was really disrespectful to the teacher,” says Slate, who had placed respect as a core value. “She ended up writing a letter of apology to the teacher.” The child regretted her actions, and worked extremely hard to bring her grade back up to a B.
When your child makes a mistake, Gold urges parents to say to your child, “I love you and I find the behavior unacceptable. Then show them that their behavior is a choice they made and they can choose better.”

How to Tell if Your Child is Lying

2011-10-04T14:01:00.006-04:00

We try so hard to pass our values down to our children, and honesty is right at the top of that list. So when your toddler’s teacher tells you that your son lied, you are horrified. He has never, ever lied to you. Or has he? Look for the clues.

Like most parents, Alissa Marcus, the NJ mother of 3 kids between the ages of 6 and 11, has eyes in the back of her head. She says can tell 100 percent when her kids are lying, although the clues each child provides differ from one another. When her fifth grader can’t look her in the eye, that’s the telltale sign that he isn’t telling the truth.

Her third grader becomes emphatic in her denials when she tries not to admit a wrong and her kindergartner starts to laugh. Case in point – the time 6 year old Jonah came out of the bathroom and Alissa asked him if he had washed his hands. “He said ‘yes’ with a big smile on his face,” she recalls. That meant he really hadn’t washed his hands.

If you haven’t figured out your children’s telltale signs yet, Melissa Brand, Psy.D., Equilibria Psychological and Consultation Services, Philadelphia, Pa offers some hints:
• Poor eye contact. They also may smile, look guilty, or even become defensive and angry because they feel “caught.”
• Trouble staying still. They may literally squirm with the discomfort of lying to you, or are avoiding your questions and stalling for time.
• React defensively. Always be suspicious when it seems that your child “doth protest too much.”
• Changing the story. Do you detect inconsistencies in your child’s story? Compare notes with the caregiver of the person your child is claiming to be with. Are you getting the same story?
• Long Pauses. Hesitation before speaking may be time used to fabricate an alibi.
• Facial expressions. Watch for a brief expression of guilt, fear, or even a smirk.

Lie Prevention Tips
• Give your children the message that they can come to you with anything.
• Be an open listener. Try to keep your own reactions in check until you’ve heard the full story.
• Reward the truth. When children confess, don’t immediately move to punishment. Acknowledge how much you appreciate that they told you the truth, then, decide together upon an appropriate consequence.
• Children lie to avoid punishment. Avoid being too harsh or too rigid, and have a few important rules that you enforce consistently.

Don't freak out the first time your child lies, but be sure he understands that lying is unacceptable. Find an age-appropriate punishment and stay resolute. It is best to nip this behavior in the bud early on.

Help Your Toddlers Learn to do Things for Themselves

2011-08-19T10:15:00.001-04:00

I often preach the importance of encouraging independence in your toddlers. They need to try things for themselves to discover what the world has to offer. Oftentimes, they will try something new but won’t succeed. Part of the lesson is in figuring out how to do something differently the next time, until they ultimately figure it out.

Kudos to 2 year old Cody’s mom. Her little guy so desperately wants to be just like his 4 year old big brother, that he is constantly trying to do things he isn’t yet ready for. For example, Brady was convinced he could brush his own teeth, and he actually succeeded…sort of.
Cody hopped up onto the bathroom stool and grabbed his brother’s toothbrush from the stand. He found the white stuff that he was sure goes on toothbrushes and began brushing furiously. At that moment, his mom stepped into the bathroom and realized that Cody was brushing his teeth with hand soap!

It’s not so easy to get an overabundance of hand soap out of a two year old’s mouth! Though Cody’s mom was somewhat exasperated, it was actually a wonderful moment for her son. He may have been confused about the toothpaste, but he was successful in brushing his teeth all by himself.

On another occasion, Cody observed his older brother blowing his nose into a tissue. Cody’s mother found him sitting next to an empty box of tissues and a toilet bowl filled with the ones he’d used in blowing his own nose. My own kids were pretty old before they could blow their own noses, but Cody figured this difficult skill out on his own. Sure, he used up an entire box of Kleenex, and there could have been a nasty overflow in the toilet, but he taught himself an important skill.

Nice job to Cody’s parents and all the other parents out there with the understanding necessary to allow toddlers to learn new things. It takes a sense of humor of to be a parent. Remember that in the moments when it’s easy to forget.

Family Vacations are Not Just About the Kids

2011-08-17T10:15:00.001-04:00

Family vacations are a great way to spend quality time with the whole family. It’s certainly nice to have the kids all to yourself without the distractions of friends, homework, and activities. You can have the time to find out what they are thinking and to forge a stronger bond. Yet, don’t forget about your spouse.

Vacations offer a chance to rekindle your marriage, and remember why you fell in love in the first place. During a time without the pressures of work and carpooling, you can enjoy each other fully. A romantic dinner, walk on the beach, or any activity that the two of you can enjoy together and alone, will do wonders for your relationship.

After 30 years of marriage, I have the hindsight to think about the things that have made our relationship work. For one, time spent just with each other was always a priority. We enjoyed regular weekly “date nights” and always one night alone on the family vacation. Those times gave us a chance to connect and appreciate each other without distractions.

It has also provided a great example for our children, who have learned the value we’ve placed on maintaining a strong relationship. Another bonus has been the bond the kids created on their own when we weren’t around. When they were little and had babysitters, they did things with the sitter that were fun and different. They learned how to go to sleep without their parents around and discovered that their siblings were pretty fun to hang out with.

My husband and I share many interests and can look back on special moments that didn’t only revolve around our children. So many of our friends are now divorced, and I feel especially lucky to have nurtured our relationship as our children grew. Now that our youngest child prepares to go off to college, I am fortunate to have a strong relationship with my husband.

What to do When You Don’t Like Your Child’s Teacher Assignment

2011-08-08T13:25:00.005-04:00

You’ve just gotten the letter in the mail that you’ve been dreading all summer - your child has been assigned to the teacher that all the moms on the playground have warned you against. You immediately go into protective mother mode, planning how to fix this wrong. Yet, before you call the Principal or check out private schools, take a deep breath and think it over. Like you, I personally experienced that sick feeling with my own child, and I’m happy to share what I learned.

First, how bad can it really be? This teacher must possess some redeeming qualities. I admit my kids had a couple of below average teachers in their long educational careers. But now that my son is a young adult in the workplace, how horrible was it really that I found his grade school teacher lazy? Would I have I preferred the spunky teacher just out of college instead? Definitely at the time, but in hindsight, my son learned ways to compensate. We can’t always make life right for our kids. This was a good lesson that real life isn't always perfect and they will have to figure out how to adapt.

Schools spend a lot of time forming classes. They must match students to both the appropriate teacher and the best class for that child and that is not an easy process. Students’ personalities, temperaments, and learning styles must be considered, but there must also be a broader picture of the entire group.

Think about why your child might have received that placement and question why you are so sure he won’t succeed in that class. If you still feel uncomfortable, call the Principal and politely share your concerns and listen to why she believes your child will be successful with that teacher. Listen to what she has to say and consider if you have over-reacted. If you still feel strongly, point out your concerns rationally, and give examples of how your child will benefit from moving to a different teacher. Use specific examples, not things you heard from other parents.

If in the end, you are unable to switch, try to make the situation work as best you can. Communicate with the teacher when you feel it's appropriate and keep an open mind. Hopefully, you’ll look back on the year and realize it all worked out for the best. But, if you don’t, chalk it up to a learning experience that will benefit your child in the long run.

Back to School Shopping: The Preschooler’s Backpack

2011-08-01T15:40:00.002-04:00

As stores bombard you and your toddler with many choices for backpacks, choose wisely. This investment should be able to last the full year, not cost too much, and make your child proud and excited with her choice. Believe it or not, something as seemingly insignificant as a backpack can actually help your child’s transition into preschool.

Though remembering a backpack may seem like one extra thing you don’t want to have to deal with each morning, it is the most effective way for the teachers and parents to communicate with one another.

Please allow your child to help choose her backpack. If she loves Cars or Dora, she will be excited to bring it to school and show it off to her friends. It is also a great way to allow your child to make a decision about something that is important in her life. It is fine for you to limit her selections to just a few to choose from that you feel are appropriate for her but it is important to allow her some independence with this decision.

Today, many backpacks are available with wheels on the bottom. For a middle or high school student who is lugging 25 pounds or more of books, that’s a great idea. But for toddlers, wheeled packs often become troublesome. Sometimes, the backpacks are as big as the child, and it isn’t easy for a toddler to navigate them through narrow doorways and around chairs and toys in the classroom. There is very little weight among the notes and art projects that the backpack must hold, so wheels are just not necessary for a preschooler.

Try to choose one that will easily hold an 8 1/2” by 11” piece of paper. Sometimes, we use larger paper for projects, but we can easily fold those to fit. The backpack must also be able to hold whatever the child chooses to bring in for show and tell. I’ve taught students who came with adorable tiny backpacks, which were easy to carry, but pretty much useless for their intended purpose.

And I urge all parents and teachers to check the child’s backpack every day. Sometimes there are important notes that should be reviewed right away. If your child had a rough night for some reason, it makes sense to give her teacher a heads-up, and the backpack is a great place for such a note. From the teacher’s perspective, there are times we want to inform you of something that occurred in the classroom, and it may be important that you know something that same day. It is a shame when a child doesn’t bring in a show and tell item because her parent never read the note in her backpack.

This is the time of year when you are building up preschool and preparing for a smooth transition. Allow back-to-school shopping to help in that preparation.

How to Talk to Your Young Kids About Drugs

2011-07-26T07:43:00.002-04:00

Eleven year-old Aaron Finkelstein remembers his parents talking to him about drugs when he was in pre-school. They didn’t sit him down for a serious talk, the Cherry Hill, NJ fifth grader recalls; it was more informal. His mom, Sally says she and her husband have used opportunities that crop up in daily life to discuss drugs, alcohol, and cigarette use with Aaron and his siblings, Mitchell 13, and Natalie, 6. According to experts, the Finkelsteins are right on target.

Start the Conversation Early
Today, kids begin experimenting with drugs younger than ever before, with 8% of 12 year olds using drugs, according to the CDC (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.) Even children as young as 8 and 9 years old are getting in on the act, trying drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes. Alcohol and cigarettes are also drugs, and need to be included in any conversation about drugs.
Michael Bradley, Ed.D, a psychologist specializing in children and adolescents and author of four books, says that a parent must start the conversation when the child is very young – even toddlers - because our kids are raised in a drug culture. Parents must help develop their child’s belief system that drugs are something to avoid.
“Controlling is easy, it’s short-term, and it doesn’t work,” insists Dr. Bradley. “You want to get them to have a belief system that drugs are really stupid. It’s not cool, sexy, fun, or harmless as it’s presented in the culture.”
The D.A.R.E. program (Drug Abuse Resistance Education), a school program designed to give kids the skills they need to avoid involvement in drugs, gangs, and violence, starts in the fifth grade. “While most kids don’t get involved with drugs at that age, when they get into middle school, they really start getting exposed to it,” explains James McGivney, Regional Director, D.A.R.E. America, Mid-Atlantic States (PA, DE, NJ, VA, WVA.) “This prepares them for their entrée into middle school.”

How to Start the Conversation
As the Finkelsteins have figured out, an out-of-the-blue conversation won’t work, it needs to be relatable for your child. When you see a character on television drinking or an article in the paper about someone overdosing on drugs, use that opportunity to begin the conversation. “Say to your kids, ‘What do you think about this?’” suggests Dr. Bradley. “Try to get them to start to share their beliefs.”
Take advantage of teachable moments when they present themselves. Having an open rapport with your children is especially important, and that often comes from spending mealtime together. “It’s been proven that if you have dinner with your kids every night, that’s the best prevention tool that there is,” adds McGivney.
Show your children facts about the effects of alcohol and drugs on teen brains from sites such as www.samafoundation.org/youth-substance-addiction/effects-of-drugs-on-adolescent-brain. Or, join your child in playing games related to the topic at www.teens.drugabuse.gov/havefun/index.php.
About 50 percent of fifth graders in the region are visited by a D.A.R.E. police officer each year. That is a great time to have a conversation with your child about what he learned in the program. If you don’t have D.A.R.E. in your school, there are many opportunities to casually get the conversation started at many age levels. Check out www.getsmartaboutdrugs.com/prevent/getting-started-talking-about-drugs for more tips on how to get the conversation started.
Then, when your child is older, you will be prepared to set ground rules. Remind her that your expectation is that she is not going to use drugs. Create a plan together to help her get out of uncomfortable situations. For example, Dr. Bradley recommends that if she encounters alcohol at a party, she can text you ‘911.’ That will be your cue to call her and say that there is a family emergency and she must come home right away. She won’t have to explain to her peers her true reason for leaving.

What to Do When You Find Your Child Has Used Drugs
First, you need to figure out how serious the situation is. The trend today is to mix alcohol with energy drinks, which allows the teen to drink a lot without seeming very drunk. Watch to be sure the child is getting increasingly intoxicated. If you feel secure, both of you should go to bed, knowing that you will have a conversation in the morning.
The next morning, when the child is sober and you are calmer, ask your child what she learned. Avoid losing your temper and be sure to maintain a line of communication. If you are lucky, she will say she was really stupid and she’ll never do it again. In the worst case, you will have do decide if your child needs treatment and explore those options. Your child’s guidance counselor is an excellent resource.
Sally Finkelstein hopes she is never faced with her children experimenting with drugs, but she hopes they will come to her if they find themselves in trouble. “We try to promote open communication,” she says. “If one of my kids experiments with something and isn’t feeling right, we hope he calls us and knows we’re there for him.”

Sidebar
By the Numbers
• Marijuana use increased among 8th graders between 2009 and 2010
• In 2010, 21.4 percent of high school seniors used marijuana while 19.2 percent smoked cigarettes.
• Past-year nonmedical use of Adderall and over-the-counter cough and cold medicines among 12th graders remains high at 6.5% and 6.6%, respectively.
• Alcohol use decline among high school seniors falling from 43.5% to 41.2% and alcohol binge drinking (defined as 5 or more drinks in a row in the past 2 weeks) declining from 25.2% to 23.2%.

source: National Institute on Drug Abuse, 2010

The Importance of Reading to Preschoolers

2011-07-20T10:19:00.003-04:00

Now that my baby is a high school senior, I am more thankful than ever that we introduced books to him at a very early age. This summer he has five mandatory books that he must read for the English class he will take next fall. I agree with him that the book selection leaves something to be desired. He just suffered through Mrs. Dalloway by Virginia Woolf, a book that I enjoyed as a 52 year-old female, but one that left a 17 year-old boy cold. The next four books don't look that much more appealing.

Thankfully, he has had chances to read great books, ones of his choosing, throughout his life. While I am disappointed that he is not the avid reader that his parents and siblings are, he appreciates reading on his terms. While he leans toward books that are sports themed, I am thrilled that he is reading at all.

When your kids are very young, reading offers many values. Most importantly, it is an opportunity to spend quality time with your kids with no distractions. It gives you a common interest that you can discuss at any age. Most kids latch on to favorite stories and can often recite them verbatim after several times through the book. Just hearing the rhythm of the words is important for children as their own language skills develop. Seeing how words are written provides valuable pre-reading and pre-writing skills.
Of course, in our competitive educational world, the standardized tests the kids must ultimately take to get into college will have words and references from literature that the students must know to succeed. It's impossible for a student to take a crash course and be successful if he hasn't read throughout his life.

But there are benefits beyond the educational values of reading. Children can escape into fabulous new lands, learning more about the world around them. They can discover new interests and be inspired by heroes who came before them. Kids who may be shy or face awkward social issues at certain points in their lives can discover through books that they are not alone. They may even find ways to empower themselves to forge through a difficult situation.

So pull out your old favorite children’s books and share them with your kids. Or, introduce your children and yourself to some new kids’ literature. Not only will you enjoy the shared experience and get your kids onto a path of learning, but you will demonstrate the importance of reading while your kids are young.

Teaching Our Children Compassion

2011-03-24T08:48:00.002-04:00

I just heard the story of the parents at a Florida elementary school who are embroiled in a battle over procedures their children must follow for the safety of a child with a peanut allergy. To protect this child, the other children must wash their hands twice a day, rinse their mouths out after lunch, and avoid bringing any foods with peanuts to school. Seems reasonable to me.

Unfortunately, these parents are having their “healthy” children walk a picket line with signs reading “what about my rights?” Really….is this serious? These selfish parents are not only missing out on a wonderful lesson of compassion, but they are teaching their children that the only thing that matters is what happens to themselves – the rest of the world be damned.

There are so many important issues in our world today worth picketing over. If parents want to teach their children social justice, there are many productive things to fight for. Our economy is in shambles, our soldiers are fighting in many wars, school budgets are diminishing. But to teach your children to fight for a little inconvenience to save another child is hard to fathom.

I am incredulous. Where I teach, the entire school is peanut and tree nut free. Thank goodness, our parents have no problem adhering to the rules, because they are teaching their children that we all must make some sacrifices for the good of society. This could be such a wonderful lesson in compassion, teaching all of the kids how they can help someone less fortunate.

Peanut allergies are life threatening. This is a serious issue, not a matter of convenience. What if the unthinkable should happen and the child become ill because a classmate’s parent has said he doesn’t have to wash his hands?

I saw a mother interviewed who complained of the time wasted while the children wash their hands. In our non-peanut school, we take time to wash the kids’ hands every day to stave off germs in hopes of keeping the kids well through flu season. Nothing bad can come of hand washing. There is plenty of down time in a school day and doing something productive shouldn’t be a hardship.

I hope these parents soon see the error of their ways. This poor child with the peanut allergy is afraid to return to school. I don’t blame her. I can only imagine these self-serving, mean-spirited parents doing something outrageous – or worse, teaching their kids to do an awful deed to get rid of this poor child.

Watch for Signs to Prevent Teen Suicide

2011-02-11T07:50:00.002-05:00

One in four teenagers thinks about committing suicide, says Dr. James R. Varrell, MD, Medical Director of the Center for Family Guidance in New Jersey. I asked him about the warning signs and how parents can ensure that their children do not become a tragic statistic. There is a much higher percentage of girls who will have suicidal behavior, such as cutting oneself or taking some pills – things that are not so aggressive. More often than not they are looking for help. When boys attempt suicide, it tends to be more of a true attempt and it tends to be much more violent, such as shooting or hanging oneself.

There are three reasons why teens want to kill themselves. One is that they are so demoralized and depressed and they think that nothing will ever change and nothing they do can make a difference. They feel helplessness and hopelessness. The second reason is that they want to get even with somebody. It’s a very immature way to punish someone else. The teen will believe that others will realize how important she was and they’ll be sad for the rest of their lives. In adolescence there’s still a strong belief in what we call magical thinking. It’s like believing in Santa Claus – something that’s out of reality but we take it as true. They’ll be visualizing people at their funeral and there’s some sense that they’re going to be there. There’s also a lack of a sense of permanence with suicide. The third reason is purely to avoid some kind of consequence of their actions. There are kids who have tried to commit suicide because they got pregnant and they didn’t want to tell their parents. They didn’t know how to cope and they thought there would be such humiliation, embarrassment and disappointment, that suicide was a better option. The are warning signs that parents need to watch out for. The first is depression, when kids start to change their behavior or withdrawal. They keep to themselves, their grades fall, they are over-eating or sleeping or under-eating or sleeping. They stop smiling and laughing and seem sad. Usually, they don’t show their parents depressed moods, they show them irritability. Parents will sometimes think it’s teenage angst when it’s really a depression problem. There is a high level of stress and expectation on children these days, particularly in more affluent areas where there’s a real push to perform.

If you see any of these signs, first, you need to talk to the child about whatever your concern is. You might get resistance initially, but you need to be ready for that. Say, “Hey look, I know that you don’t want me in your business, but I want to be supportive and I want to be sure things are cool. I don’t need to know everything you’re thinking, but as someone who loves and cares about you, I’m going to need to know that you are okay.” If the child breaks down in tears or gives you an indication that there’s a problem, you should get them into therapy. Keep at it until they talk to you.

Snow Days Can Provide Great Learning and Bonding Experiences

2011-02-03T08:16:00.002-05:00

Snow days can put a real crimp in any household. Never mind you were supposed to go to work, the gym, the grocery store – you can fill in the blank. But now your toddler needs to be occupied all day long. What is a parent to do?!

Take advantage of the situation! Your job or errands can survive without you (believe it or not.) Here’s a great opportunity to do things with your kids that weren’t in the schedule. These unscripted moments make lifelong memories and can provide really special bonding times.

Here are a few suggestions:
1. Exercise together – So, you missed the gym. You and your toddler can work out together. You must have something around the house that he can use as weights….maybe bean bags or water bottles. Let him exercise with you – it will be lots of fun, tire him out a bit, and you will demonstrate the importance, and fun, of exercise.

2. Crafts – Find things in the kitchen and office, such as pasta, cereal, paper scraps, and bits of yarn. Together you can make a great mosaic or collage. You won’t believe how fun and relaxing it is to do arts and crafts. Just spend some time coloring and you’ll feel great!

3. Watch a movie together – Pull out a classic that you and your child can enjoy together. Make popcorn, snuggle in a blanket and enjoy an hour or so of cuddling. When the movie is over, talk about what your child liked best, and use this as a jumping board for other conversation.

4. Play a game – There are so many educational ways to enjoy time together. Play a memory game, Go Fish, match the number on dice to pennies, etc. You can have fun while helping your child develop her skills.

5. Build a snowman – Before you know it, your child will want to play in the snow with his friends, not with you. While they are little, build a snowman, make snow angels, throw snowballs, and have fun. Give your child a small shovel and let him help you shovel the driveway. The fresh air will do him good, and you are teaching him that it’s every family member’s responsibility to help clear the driveway.

6. Make hot chocolate – Warm up with some hot chocolate. Let your child help put in marshmallows (she can count them out.)

7. Take a nap together – Snow days are meant to be lazy. Fall asleep together and appreciate how sweet your child is while she’s napping.

Snow days can be wonderful with a little planning. Enjoy!!

Has Cursive Writing Become a Lost Art?

2011-01-25T08:48:00.001-05:00

In the computer age, some would argue that kids don’t need to learn how to write in cursive anymore. Others, generally those predating the computer age, worry about the consequences of losing this important skill. Just consider the Declaration of Independence which was written in cursive. Will future generations be unable to read such a historic document?

There is no set standard for teaching cursive in schools today. How cursive fits into the curriculum depends on the school system. In many districts, teachers who choose to teach the skill can fit it into their curriculum as they see fit, generally in the second and/or third grade. Some students don’t learn cursive at all.

The Positive Sides to Teaching Cursive
• Children who have had problems printing get a new chance to have the playing field leveled, because now everybody has to learn cursive, says Sandy Purvis, Occupational Therapist and Owner of HandRIGHTing, Ink, Ardmore, PA.
• Writing in cursive can improve overall penmanship. The act of lifting up the pencil and putting it on the line to make the strokes, may gain fluency the student never had before.
• It’s an important skill, says Mary Claire Ragan, a second grade teacher at Gallaher Elementary School in Newark DE. Ragan makes it a point to squeeze it into the busy curriculum.
• Cursive is faster than printing and in many cases, more legible.
• Students will know how to sign their names on forms and legal documents.
• Students will be able to read documents written in cursive, whether historical or from a boss or other person who writes in cursive.
• Students are extremely interested in learning cursive, says Ragan. While it’s a difficult skill to learn initially, students catch on quickly.

Why Cursive Writing isn’t Emphasized
• There are so many things that have been added to the curriculum, that cursive has been put on the back burner, says Sheri Pierson, third grade teacher at Signal Hill School, Voorhees, NJ and a veteran teacher for more than 25 years.
• There isn’t time to cover everything. Pierson devotes about 10 minutes a day, three days a week to cursive.
• Many children, especially in middle and high school, use computers regularly, taking the place of handwriting.

What Parents Can Do
• Practice with your child at home. Many schools use the Zaner Bloser program - www.Zaner-bloser.com. Other popular programs include Kid Writing, www.kidwriting.com and Handwriting Without Tears, www.hwtears.com.
• Encourage your child to use cursive regularly by choosing one activity, such as writing his spelling words, in cursive. The more a child uses cursive, the more proficient he will become.
• Use it or lose it. After third grade, very little time will be devoted to cursive in school, so parents can encourage their children to use it for homework or other writing at home.
• Hire an educational coach, such as HandRIGHTing, Ink, www.handrightingink.com
• If available at your child’s school, sign up for a mini-cluster or interest group where cursive is taught.
• Have your child develop fine motor skills through activities such as cutting, coloring, and Play-Doh, because writing in cursive requires small muscle strength.

More Summer Camp Conveniences

2011-01-07T07:45:00.000-05:00

Earlier in the week, I wrote about the many conveniences camps are providing to families today. Here, the list continues.

Camp meals have come a long way from PB&J and bug juice. Catered lunches, healthy snacks, and buffets with hot meal choices give parents the peace of mind that their children are being properly fed. “Our pricing includes meals and snacks, so for a lot of parents, that’s a convenience in that they don’t have to pack a lunch or worry about refrigerating things,” explains VanDerzee.

A focus on physical fitness and healthy eating is encouraged at most camps. Camp Ockanickon, features the specialized program, Activate America.
Swim lessons are generally standard fare where kids learn to swim by Red Cross certified instructors. Most camps offer both instructional swim sessions and recreational periods. In addition, parents can take advantage of additional instruction in swimming, horseback riding, or other programs during after-care programs.
An open visitation policy allows parents the flexibility to watch their kids enjoying camp activities at their convenience. Diamond Ridge encourages relatives to come whenever they want to see their kids in action. “That is something parents really enjoy and take advantage of,” says Bernstein. “They can visit according to their own schedule.”
Elective scheduling lets campers create their own schedules. While some camps are devoted to a single activity, such as soccer, theater, or horseback riding, others offer a range of activities and let the kids choose their favorites. The Sesame/Rockwood Camps in Blue Bell, PA (www.srdaycamps.com) allow campers 8 years and older to pick their own activities.
Communication has taken on a new meaning among camps. Parents are encouraged to call with any question or concern regarding the camp in general or their child specifically whenever they want.
Financial incentives are available, including hiring parents to work in exchange for a discount on camp fees. Parents can drive vans, work in the office, or be counselors, while their children enjoy camp. For Brown, who works as a clerk in the nurse’s office while her 5 and 8 year old children attend camp, “It allows me to see first-hand what an incredible experience my kids are having at camp.”
As co-chair of the annual Community Camp Fair at Tower Hill (www.kidscampquest.com) in Wilmington, DE, Racquel Palma works with more than 100 different camps. “For a parent with a wide diversity of needs, there are a lot of options out there,” she says.

Convenience Makes Summer Camp Family Friendly

2011-01-05T08:28:00.001-05:00

Parents begin sending their children to camp as early as age 3 or 4. While choosing when your child is ready for camp is a personal decision, camps are working harder than ever to make the experience as convenient as possible for the family. From transportation and food, to activities and extended hours, camp today is about more than just swimming and playing.

When Laurie Brown chose a day camp for her children, certain conveniences were a must. Sharing time between Cherry Hill and Margate, NJ, Brown needed the flexibility of having transportation in both cities. The Medford JCC camp (www.jcccampsatmedford.com) in Medford, NJ, was able to meet her needs by providing bus service to both places according to her schedule. Today, beyond a safe environment and abundance of activities, families like the Browns are selecting camps that make life convenient for the whole family.

“We certainly want to make things as convenient as possible for our busy and hectic camp families,” says Steven Bernstein, Camp Director at Diamond Ridge Camps (www.diamondridgecamps.com) in Jamison, PA. “When you’re talking about taking care of other people’s children, safety and supervision are always going to be the most important concern. But when you’re talking about a parent, it’s the customer service, flexibility, and being there for the families when they need you.”

Transportation tops many families’ must-have list. Bus or van service is generally provided to pick kids up and drop them back off at their homes, or a location very close to their homes. Bernstein points out that Diamond Ridge offers door-to-door service with CDL licensed drivers in yellow buses.

Choices in session length and schedule are important as busy schedules often make it difficult to devote four or eight straight weeks to camp. “We offer three separate camps, a day camp, overnight camp for boys, and overnight camp for girls,” says Keith VanDerzee, CEO, YMCA Camp Ockanickon, (www.ycamp.org) in Medford, NJ. “Whatever parents’ needs are for their kids, whether it’s local care and they can come to our day camp, or whether they’d like to try the overnight experience.”

A choice of locations allows families greater flexibility in choosing the most convenient location. The Phillies Baseball Academy (www.philliescamps.com) offers several locations throughout PA, NJ, and DE.

Extended hours are also important when choosing a camp to make life more convenient for camp families. Many camps offer early morning and late afternoon sessions to accommodate parents’ schedules. “The nice thing is that some parents will take advantage of our door-to-door transportation in the morning, and pick up their child at 5:45 in the afternoon, or vice-versa,” points out Bernstein.

Read more on camp amenities in tomorrow’s post.

It’s Time Your Child Sleeps in His Own Bed

2010-12-14T08:54:00.001-05:00

What an exciting time - your child finally grows from his crib into his big boy bed. Or, so you thought. Maybe he could climb out of his crib, but getting out of his bed is simple and fun. Here are a few tips to keep him in his bed all night:

1. Remind him that he has this way cool bed because he's a big boy now. Responsibility comes with that....that means a few rules. One rule is that he must call for you if he wants to get out of bed. At first, he may call for you a lot, but the first step is that he's not allowed to get out of bed without you.

2. If he starts calling for you excessively, explain that the next rule is that there are only certain times when he can call for you. If he's having a bad dream or feels afraid he can certainly call for you. Or, if he has to go to the bathroom, although be sure he uses the bathroom before bed to help avoid that problem. Give him a small drink before bed so he doesn't wake up thirsty.

No doubt, he will cry for you in the middle of the night and tell you he's scared, because he wants to come into your bed. At all costs, try to avoid that. It's easier at times to let him, but once he enjoys the comfort of snuggling with Mommy and Daddy in bed, it will be very hard to wean him of the privilege. Of course, there are special circumstances, such as a loud, scary storm, where you welcome a family bed, but you have to put your foot down on most other occassions.

3. When he calls you, go into his room and ask him what's wrong. If he says he had a scary dream, let him tell you about it and reassure him that it was just a dream and he's very safe. A nightlight by his bed is often important so he can see his surroundings. Tell him you'll stay with him for five minutes until he falls back asleep, but you are very tired and you need to go back to sleep too. If he doesn't fall asleep in five minutes and starts to cry when you try to leave, tell him that you will wait out in the hall for five more minutes, but then you are going to your own bed by yourself. It is helpful to have a clock by his bed so you can show him exactly what five minutes means. You have to follow through on what you say. If he still calls for you, tell him that you are going to bed, he is safe and you both need your sleep. Then, you have to let him cry.

I know that it is so much easier to give in, but if you nip it in the bud right away, he will understand that he has no choice. Then, on the special occasions when you allow him in your bed, he will recognize that it is truly a special occasion.

I have also had parents tell me that they allowed their child in their room, but the child had to lay on a blanket on the floor. This worked for them, although I don't really see the distinction between the floor and the bed. The point is to set the boundary that his room is where he sleeps and your room is where you sleep.

If you have any other suggestions, please hit comment below and pass them on!

Why You Must Make Time for Family Meals

2010-12-10T08:03:00.001-05:00

While your kids are still toddlers, you probably have the time to enjoy meals together as a family. Soon enough though, they’ll get involved in sports, art class, religious school, and the list goes on and on. The more kids you have involved in things, the harder it becomes to carve out a half hour for dinner when everyone can be included. It’s really hard sometimes, but you must make a family meal a priority.

Research has proven that kids who eat family meals do better in school and are less involved in dangerous behaviors. The time spent talking, debating, and even arguing over the dinner table, helps forge stronger relationships. When you show that you are interested in what your kids have to say, you will be amazed at the things they choose to share. Not only will you learn more about them, and them about you, but you get the chance to demonstrate that you value their opinions.

I pulled this off the Department of Health and Human Services Website:
*By eating with your children, it is more likely that meals will be healthier and more balanced.

*Compared to teens that have frequent family dinners, those who rarely have family dinners are three-and-a-half times more likely to have abused prescription drugs or an illegal drug other than marijuana.

*Girls who have five or more meals a week with their families are one-third less likely to develop unhealthy eating habits, which can range from skipping meals to full-fledged anorexia or abusing diet pills.

*Parental influence and involvement is an important tool in preventing substance abuse. Regularly sitting down for a meal with your children is one way to connect with them and be involved with what is happening in their lives.

What Should We Talk About?

*Ask everyone to share their favorite part or biggest challenge of the day.
Plan and then let the kids pick tasks for the next day's menu, preparation, and cleanup.

*Exchange memories about your favorite family pastimes.

*Discuss an activity the family can do together and then put it on the calendar.

*Talk with your children about a book they are reading or a movie they have seen. It might turn into a family book club or a regular movie and popcorn night!

*Ask the kids about their classes, homework, teachers, and upcoming assignments. Find out if they would like your help or want to brainstorm on an assignment.

The importance of regular family activities to share ideas and find out "what's happening" is a great way for a parent to be involved, discuss rules, monitor activities and friends, and be a good role model. The benefits of eating together will last long after your meal ends, especially if you make family mealtimes a regular activity. Take the family meal off the endangered species list and move it back to the VIP list!

SOURCE: http://family.samhsa.gov/get/mealtime.aspx

Saying Thank You to Your Child’s Teacher

2010-12-06T07:59:00.001-05:00

I am blessed to work in a school filled with generous parents. Each winter holiday and every end-of-the-year party brings lovely gifts. Yet, as much as I enjoy the gift cards to fine restaurants and great stores, it’s the words accompanying the gifts that mean the most.

Most recently, a parent presented my teaching partner and me with our class gift. Her words were precious. As a first time mom, she said she was constantly amazed by how much her child was learning. At three years old, she thought he’d learn to play with others, but that was just one small part of what he’d accomplished.

Academically, he could point out numbers in the food store aisles, and read the names of every child in his class. But just as important, he started saying thank you when someone held the door open for him, and was proud to clean up his own toys. She couldn’t imagine how rapidly he was growing and learning. She thanked his teachers for lovingly guiding him down this path.

I am always amazed by how much toddlers learn. They are little sponges who are eager to soak up knowledge. I adore my students but I also appreciate when their parents tell us how they feel. I’ll enjoy a good dinner anytime, but it’s their words that make my job worthwhile.

Sending Your Kids to Sleepaway Camp for One or Two Weeks

2010-12-02T07:52:00.001-05:00

Sleepaway camp can be a wonderful experience for children, making new friends while leaving the comforts of home to spread their wings. It is also a big business. Over six million children attend camp each summer, and of the nearly 10,000 camps in the U.S., about 60% are residential, according to The National Camp Association (NCA). Traditionally, kids have spent four or eight weeks at an overnight camp, but economic realities and lifestyle changes have forced many camps to add shorter sessions to their schedules.

“About two years ago, as a response to what families were telling us they needed, we decided to implement two week sessions,” says Dee Billia, Director of Marketing and Public Relations, Appel Farm Arts Camp (www.applefarm.org) in Elmer, NJ. “It’s been a resounding success.”

The downturn in the economy forced some families to cut back on the amount of time they send their kids to camp. Four week sleepaway camps range in cost from $1,700 to $7,000, according to the NCA, while two week sessions run between $1,000 and $4,000. Beyond the economics, shorter sessions are also attractive to younger and first-time campers who may be nervous about leaving home for too long. “It’s an easy way to introduce a child to camp,” explains Billia.

Family obligations, including vacations, have also made shorter sessions popular. “From the parents’ perspective, they are trying to do more in their summer, and shorter sessions facilitate this,” suggests John Jannone, Director, Ballibay for the Fine and Performing Arts, (camp@ballibay.com), in Camptown, PA.

Camps have adapted their programs to make shorter sessions valuable to campers. Appel Farms specializes in the arts, from theater and dance, to recording and photography. Their two-week sessions are offered at the front end of each four-week session, and are tailored to a shorter curriculum.

Yet, not all programs can be carried out successfully in shorter sessions. Jannone points out that two weeks is too short for a completely individual-choice program, or a program that puts on full-length theater and musical theater. “But for focused art, dance, and rock programs, it is a very good length,” he says.

Shorter sessions are trend that is here to stay. “It’s an extremely positive experience,” concludes Billia. “Any time spent at camp is a great way for the children to learn and grow.”

A New Baby’s on the Way – How to Break the News to Your Toddler

2010-11-23T13:17:00.001-05:00

No matter how many children you already have, when a new baby enters the family, everyone is shaken up. Here are some tips to help you make the experience as positive for everyone as possible.

1. Timing is important. When you tell other family members about a pregnancy depends a great deal on each person’s age. Your two year old will not understand what you are saying if he you don’t look pregnant. Nine months is almost half his lifetime and way too long to be told you are pregnant. Wait until you are about five months along. At that point he can see where the baby is, and it gives him enough time to digest the news.

2. Be inclusive. It’s important to include your children in your pregnancy. Let them feel your belly, especially if they can feel the baby kick. That will help them understand that a real person is about to be born. When you begin to set up the nursery or buy things for the baby, let your children be involved. They can help you choose colors for the nursery, brainstorm names, and pick out bottles and rattles. It’s important that they feel part of the process.

3. Make them feel special. Be sure to spend quality time with your child leading up to the birth, making each child know how important he is to you and your family. Stress that because he is older, you will need his help when the baby comes. The new addition will have so much to learn from his big brother and you can’t wait to see what a loving, caring big brother he will be.

4. Ask permission to take your children’s things. For example, if you plan to move your three year into a bed so the baby can have his crib, be careful about how you do that. Begin by telling your toddler that he is big enough now that he can get a big boy bed of his own. Let him help you choose special sheets, pillows, and blankets so that he feels ownership of his new bed. Be sure he is in the bed at least a month before the baby arrives. Then, you can ask him if the new baby can sleep in his old crib since he is a big boy now and won’t need it anymore. Make him feel special to be able to share something so important with his new sibling.

5. Continue to shower them with attention after the baby comes. While everyone’s focus will be on the new arrival, be sure to let your older children know how important and helpful they are during this crazy time. If company comes with gifts for the baby but not the siblings, have a stash of small items that will be special to the older kids. When the company leaves, give your older child a puzzle, coloring book, or similar item as thanks for being such an understanding big brother. Try to take some time when the baby is sleeping to spend quality time with the other kids.

6. Encourage the children to appreciate each other. As your family grows, it is even more important that your kids get along with another, and truly love each other. Sure, there will always be sibling rivalry, but try to find ways to build their relationship as opposed to making them feel like they need to compete for your time and attention.

Congratulations on your new addition! When the baby comes you will be exhausted and there will be chaos for a while. The more you can prepare, the better off everyone in the family will be.

Even Toddlers Can Handle Small Jobs

2010-11-17T07:48:00.001-05:00

Most toddlers love to please their parents and teachers. When asked to clean up toys in the classroom, the students beam with pride as they take this responsibility seriously. They will be equally eager to clean their toys at home if they feel that it is their job.

As young as two years old, you can explain to your child that everyone in a family has certain jobs to do and these jobs are very important. His job is to put his toys away when he is finished playing with them. You can help him at first by showing him how to sort the toys (also a great learning skill) such as the action figures from the animals. Be sure your shelves are organized and there is plenty of space on a low shelf that he can easily reach.

When he’s finished, make a big deal about what a great job he did and how helpful he is to you. You might even create a sticker chart that you will fill up with a sticker each time he cleans up. When you reach ten stickers, he gets a special treat, such as an ice cream cone, small toy, special play date, etc.

There are many jobs that kids can do at very young ages. You will need to add more responsibilities as you believe your child can handle them. Helping set the table, putting laundry away, and putting non-breakable groceries in the cupboard are all jobs that toddlers can handle. They will gain pride in helping you and will learn the value of becoming a responsible member of the family.

Creativity is the Key, Not Perfection

2010-11-11T08:08:00.002-05:00

I’ve had students over the years whose parents wanted perfection. Yet, the way three year olds learn is by experimenting. The more they try new things, the more they learn. Even when they create things that seem wrong to you, it is important to allow them creative expression.

One of our projects each year is a self-image picture. The child looks in a mirror and tells us what color his eyes and hair are, and how many eyes, eyelashes, nose, and mouth he has. We then give him an oval shape to serve as his face, and he creates his image. One mother approached me after viewing the self-image pictures that were hanging in the hall.

“My son put his eye where his mouth should be,” she said. “Why didn’t you fix that?”

I explained to her that the process in making the picture was more important than the finished product. To make his picture, her son, Bobby, had to cut out the circles for the eyes, use scissors to fringe the eyelashes, glue them onto the face and then draw the nose and mouth. He then chose the color yarn that he wanted for his hair and attached that to his head. There were many skills involved in this, including correctly grasping a scissor and cutting, holding a crayon, gluing and coloring. I did ask Bobby to look in the mirror one more time.

“Is that where your eyes are?” I asked him.
“They are today,” he said laughing.

For whatever reason, Bobby was in a silly mood that day. He knew where his eyes belonged, but he felt like putting one eye near his mouth. Maybe we had a budding modern artist on our hands! Because Bobby did all of the cutting, gluing, and coloring, we allowed him to be creative and complete his own interpretation of his face. By that time, he was much more interested in playing with the toy truck.

His mother felt that we should have made him fix it.
She said, “But compared to all the other pictures hanging in the hall, Bobby’s looks stupid.”

“Maybe you have the next Picasso on your hands,” I replied. “What is important in this project is the process of cutting, coloring and gluing. These activities all use fine motor skills and you can see that Bobby did an excellent job. I am sure that he knows where his eyes belong on his face, but if he wants to be creative, we prefer not to discourage him.”

I do remember years earlier when I was the mother in the hallway comparing my children’s artwork to that of their peers. It is easy to get caught up in the minutiae of the finished product. Does my child cut as well as the others? Is my son behind the curve?

Yet, the more I have worked with different children, the more I value their individualism and creativity. In preschool, kids are experimenting with different mediums often for the first time. Sometimes, just peeling a sticker off its backing is a difficult task in itself. To observe children using their imaginations in their artwork is a beautiful thing.

Celiac Disease and Childhood Food Allergies

2010-11-09T07:38:00.002-05:00

When 15 year-old Molly began losing weight, her parents were worried. They suspected her new early lunch period in school was the culprit, but they took her to a doctor to be sure. After about a year of testing, Molly was finally diagnosed with celiac disease, an autoimmune digestive disease that affects about three million Americans. People with the disease cannot consume gluten, a protein found in most grains, cereals, and breads.

“The gluten triggers an immune response so that your body attacks itself and the little hairs on the intestine get blunted so that you can’t absorb your nutrients,” explains Molly’s mother Jennifer North, who is now Vice President of the National Foundation for Celiac Awareness. Essentially, the body attacks itself every time a person with celiac consumes gluten. People with celiac disease must adhere to a strict gluten-free diet.

Throughout my career, I have taught many children with food allergies. Some have been allergic to peanuts, but our school is now a peanut and tree nut-free environment, so we no longer have to worry about that. Others have had dairy allergies, and one little girl, sadly, couldn’t eat anything at all. Lately, we are seeing more celiac disease.

One of my students, Rachel, had a failure to thrive between ages one and two, gaining no weight and having skin that appeared practically translucent. Doctors knew something was wrong, but it took many tests to finally conclude she had celiac disease. Since the snacks we serve in school are typically crackers, cookies, and pretzels, Rachel could not eat what we served the other children. Her mother provided a basket of snacks specifically for Rachel. They were similar to what the other children ate, but were all gluten-free.

Even at three, Rachel knew that she had to eat her own snacks, and if someone mistakenly put something in front of her that she couldn’t have, she was able to say that she couldn’t eat it. When Rachel was diagnosed, her doctor pointed out that the disease is genetic, so if Rachel had it, one of her parents must have it also. After testing, it turned out that it was her dad. He only recognized his symptoms in hindsight.

“I knew that if I ate certain foods I didn’t feel good, so I stopped eating those foods,” he explains. “I would eat breakfast when I was in grammar school and I would never feel good after breakfast. So, I stopped eating breakfast.”

Though he wasn’t diagnosed until he was 41, he likely had the disease for much of his life. That’s the word the National Foundation for Celiac Awareness is trying to get out. “Celiac has over 300 symptoms, so there really isn’t a typical profile,” points out North. “It can onset at any age.”

As many as 90 percent of people with celiac disease do not even know they have it. Symptoms range from stomach aches and headaches, to bowel issues and discolored teeth. It can also trigger other autoimmune diseases such as thyroid disease or lupus, and even infertility and migraines.

Now that father and daughter are on a strict gluten-free diet, they are both feeling better than ever. Several area stores carry gluten-free foods, and more restaurants than ever offer gluten-free entrees.

People with celiac must be very careful. Gluten is an invisible ingredient, so if a food were contaminated with it, it would be impossible to see it. When Rachel’s father has eaten gluten by mistake, he says he feels like he has the flu for about a month.

North urges people to speak with their doctor and be tested before going on a gluten-free diet on their own. For more information visit www.celiaccentral.org. If your child has any food allergy, be sure to educate her teachers about her disease, what her restrictions are, and how they can best suit her needs seamlessly in the classroom. She shouldn’t be made to feel badly because of this difference from the other students. Also put a large sign in a place that is easily seen by all, which points out the child’s name, picture and allergy. That will ensure that a substitute teacher or parent helping out, won’t mistakenly give the child something she can’t have.

What’s the Right Age to Potty Train?

2010-11-03T07:44:00.001-04:00

I find that more families are holding off on potty training their children. Years ago, most children were trained before their third birthday. Today, I have some four year olds who are just being trained. Does it matter? That’s a personal decision, but I believe that when a child is ready, it’s important to take those cues and get the job done.

Sonia was a four year child I taught who was bright, articulate, and strong willed. She was the only child in our class who still wore a diaper. When we would encourage Sonia to use the potty, she would, though reluctantly. She simply didn’t want to be bothered. Though we encouraged her at school, her parents didn’t reinforce this at home, so there was no consistency in her training.

In my opinion, Sonia should have been trained by this time. She understood and recognized how it felt when she needed to use the bathroom. It got to the point where other children would make fun of her for still wearing a diaper. She wore dresses a lot, and when she sat at circle, her diaper was obvious. The kids love to talk about the characters on their underwear, and Sonia seemed embarrassed that she was still in diapers.

Experts say that it’s easiest to potty train a toddler when she’s ready. Watch for those signs from your child and take advantage of the opportunity. Cleaning the bottom of a four year old is not a fun experience. By four, most children should be using the toilet.

Teach your Kids to Say Thank You

2010-11-01T08:13:00.001-04:00

Another Halloween has passed, and again, I am amazed at how many children fail to say thank you after getting their goodies. Generally, the really young kids who come to the door with their mothers are prompted with “what do you say?” But the children who are old enough to walk up to the door on their own seem to have lost that sense of appreciation.

I love Halloween! I enjoy the adorable children in their wonderful costumes. I get a kick out of hearing the doorbell ring, and am sad when we don’t get many takers. I like to notice which kids take their time choosing their candy and which just grab and dash. It’s an opportunity to catch up with neighbors I haven’t seen in a while and to see how the kids have grown over the past year.

It just irks me to see so many kids forget their basic manners. In our classroom, we make using good manners a necessity. Whether it’s thanking the child who holds the door open, or using “please” when asking to have a shoe tied, we stress the importance of being polite. We hope that these rules will be so ingrained in the students that it will carry over into their daily lives.

So, parents, I offer you a challenge. Spend this year reminding and encouraging your children to use good manners, including the words “please” and “thank you” in their daily vocabulary. I’ll look forward to well-mannered ghosts and goblins and fairy princesses next Halloween!

When buying a Pet for a Child

2010-10-27T08:16:00.001-04:00

Last week I spoke about the dangers of buying a pet as a gift for someone during the holidays, and the important questions that must be answered first. When considering getting a pet for a child, there are extra considerations. Children may embrace the companionship a pet can provide, but realize that there still needs to be a parent or guardian consenting to the pet as a gift.
• Teach the child how to care for the pet — The parent or guardian must agree to teach the child how to feed, bathe and exercise the animal. Dr. Rosenberg points out that bunnies for Easter are a popular gift, but people don’t understand how to care for them.
• The adult must still be in charge — “The child may be responsible for the animal’s daily care but the parent or guardian will ultimately be responsible for ensuring the pet receives the necessary care and purchasing the animal’s food, toys, treats, bedding and veterinary care,” says Messer.
• Share responsibility — Giving a pet to a child can be a wonderful tool in teaching responsibility, but there must be a sensible adult to intervene when needed.

The Do’s and Don’ts of Giving Pets for the Holiday

2010-10-20T08:01:00.001-04:00

It’s very tempting to give a loved one a pet for the holiday. You adore your pet and know how much he enhances your life, so you figure your friend will feel the same way. But before you run out and choose a precious puppy or cuddly kitty to give as a gift, there are many things to consider. Most importantly, remember that you are giving someone a lifetime commitment.

ALWAYS Ask First
Surprising someone with a new pet is never a good idea, according to Marc E. Rosenberg, Veterinarian and co-owner, County Line Veterinary Hospital in Marlton, New Jersey. Adds Angela Messer, Director of Operations, Pennsylvania Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (PSPCA), “This is something that should be discussed at length with the recipient prior to acquiring the new pet.” There are many important things a pet-owner must consider first:
• Do you have time for a pet? — Animals can’t be ignored when life gets hectic. They require food, water, exercise, care, and companionship every day.
• Why do you want a pet? — If it’s because the kids have been begging for one, think twice. Be sure all family members are willing to help with the responsibilities that go with pets.
• Are there any allergies in the home? — While there are certain animal species that are hypo-allergenic, many people are allergic to a variety of pets.
• Are there any living restrictions? — Some apartment complexes forbid pets or have size requirements. Some landlords require declawing of cats.
• Do the personalities of the pet and owner match? — “It’s like getting a spouse unseen,” jokes Dr. Rosenberg. “If you don’t have interaction in the beginning, how do you know this is the pet that’s right for you?”
• Is the home properly set up for a pet? — Are there appropriate gates to keep the pet in a certain space, or a fenced-in yard?
• Can you afford the pet? — The cost of the pet is minute compared to the expense of feeding, training, and providing medical care.
• Carefully consider the breed — Be sure to take into account the breed of animal you select. A very active person may enjoy the high energy of a Labrador retriever over the laid back attitude of a basset hound. Always do research and meet many animals before settling on a specific breed or type.
• Shop together. — “The best thing is to take the person shopping with you to see if they really want a pet,” suggests Edward Wagner, owner of Seaford Pet Emporium in Seaford, Delaware. Pet stores will ask a lot of questions to ensure that you are making the right choice.

More to follow next week regarding pets for children.

Practice Cutting with your Toddler

2010-10-18T07:40:00.000-04:00

Scissor skills are important for children to practice, though some parents do not allow their toddlers to use them at home. Concerns over the child harming himself or cutting something that he shouldn’t be cutting, make parents wary of even introducing their kids to scissors. We encourage the use of scissors in school for a couple of reasons. For one, this is an important, though difficult skill, for children to master. It takes a great deal of practice for most children to even learn how to grasp a scissor correctly. Cutting is also a skill that they will need by the time they get to kindergarten, and it takes quite a bit of practice. It is also an excellent way to help develop fine motor skills.

We have three types of scissors in the classroom. For children with very weak fine motor skills, we have a pair that actually has four finger holes. The child puts his fingers into the bottom two holes while the teacher puts her fingers into the top two holes. I find them a bit awkward, but for the very beginners, it helps children learn the proper grasp and the motion of opening and closing the scissor. After that, the child can use a pair that has a spring so the scissor can open itself. The student needs to use the proper grasp, but he only needs to squeeze the scissor shut and then it will open back up automatically. Once the child is successful with this pair, he is able to move on to a regular child’s scissor.

In all cases, the scissors have rounded edges and can only cut paper. They can’t cut a child’s skin or fabric. We place a dot with a magic marker at the base of the thumb hole. This dot serves as the scissors’ ‘eye’ and must point up to the sky. That helps the child understand the way the scissor needs to be held. We then help him put his thumb into the top, smaller hole, and two or three fingers into the bottom hole. Next, we practice opening and closing, opening and closing the scissors.

Even before introducing scissors, we encourage the children to rip pieces of paper. Ripping can be a difficult task before fine motor skills are strongly developed. Some children have trouble with the ripping motion. Once they are able to rip with their hands, they have an easier time cutting with scissors.

When the children do graduate to scissors, we start by having them fringe paper as opposed to cutting it. The fringing motion is a quick opening and closing of the scissor without having to navigate moving the scissor fully across the paper. Once they can fringe, we give them straight lines to cut. Finally, they are encouraged to actually cut out shapes.

I am always amazed at how persistent children are when learning how to cut. Very few children can cut instantly. It’s a skill that takes practice. Yet, even children who have trouble cutting are willing to persevere until they find success.

The Importance of Back to School Night

2010-10-14T08:02:00.001-04:00

I just enjoyed another Back to School Night – something I will never tire of. There are many advantages for both the teacher and parents during this session. From the teacher’s perspective, I get to meet many of the parents I don’t otherwise see in the halls at school. Working moms and dads generally make an effort to visit their children’s Back to School Night to actually see the teacher in person. I find it invaluable to meet as many of my students’ parents as possible.

It also allows the teacher an opportunity to tell the parents what her priorities are. From mundane tidbits regarding the correct size of the backpack to more important toileting matters, to most important learning concepts, an open dialogue between the teacher and parents is imperative. The session gives teachers a chance to demonstrate what their kids do every day at school. It’s hard for parents to imagine how a three year old actually learns, and this is our opportunity to share the curriculum.

Finally, this night forms a bond between the teacher and parents. While it isn’t the time to talk specifically in detail about how a child is doing, it is a chance for the teacher to tell the parents how adorable, kind, special, their child is.

From the parents’ perspective, it’s an opportunity to experience what their children are doing on the other side of the classroom door. They can see the teacher’s learning style and find out what they can be doing at home to support in-class learning. For example, we urge parents to allow their children to practice cutting at home because it’s a difficult skill that requires a lot of practice. We even show them the type of scissors to buy and where they can purchase them.

The parents also get to meet their children’s peers’ parents at this meeting. Play dates are invaluable, and now that the parents know each other, they are eager to set up get-togethers among their kids.

But, the very best part of all is the incredible slide show. We had almost 100 pictures of our students in action. They painted, laughed, played, and learned and the parents got to see them uncensored.

A big thank you to my classes’ parents because they all took the time to get babysitters and come to Back to School Night. What an enjoyable night it was!

Moms, Remember to Get your Mammograms

2010-10-12T08:14:00.000-04:00

Though this blog is typically devoted to preschool and toddler issues, today I'm going to repeat a previous post because it’s so important. This one is about Mom. I am now four years cancer free, and I need to periodically share my story in hopes of reaching other moms who face a similar ordeal.

According to the most recent stats from the American Cancer Society (ACS), the chance of a woman having invasive breast cancer some time during her life is about 1 in 8. The chance of dying from breast cancer is about 1 in 35. Ladies, that means that when you're in your Little Gym class and you take a look around the circle of 8 women, one of you will likely get breast cancer. Please don't think it can't happen to you.

My cancer was detected through a routine mammogram. I never felt a lump or any pain at all. In fact, after the doctors knew exactly where the lump was, they still couldn't feel it. Believe me...they tried! Because my little lump was detected so early, my oncologist dubbed it an "excellent little cancer." As cancer goes, that was a nice diagnosis to have. It was excellent because it was found early was extremely susceptible to treatment.

I went through a few surgeries and a summer of daily radiation and have been in tip top shape ever since. There is little history of breast cancer in my family - it just happened and no one knows why.

So, to be the best parent you can be, you must take care of yourself. While there is certainly conflicting data on when to get your first mammogram, I agree with the ACS, which recommends that women without a family history of breast cancer get their first mammogram at 40. If you have a history, you need to talk to your doctor about the appropriate age to begin. A mammogram is a walk in the park compared to breast cancer treatment. Take a girlfriend, build in a lunch out at a real restaurant to celebrate your health.

I'd love comments from other women, especially those who for some reason refuse to get a mammogram. I want to try to change your mind before it's too late.

Practice Fire Prevention with your Toddlers

2010-10-06T08:01:00.003-04:00

Our school year started with fire drills the very first day. We had barely gotten the kids to begin feeling comfortable in our classroom, and we had to endure the loud noise and get them quickly outside. So muchy for preparation.

According to the Centers for Disease Control (CDC,) children ages 4 years and younger are among those at highest risk for residential fire deaths and injuries. So, it’s our job as parents and teachers to teach them what to do in case of a fire.

I heard a story recently about an older child whose clothes caught on fire. There was a swimming pool in the backyard, so he ran and jumped in the pool. While the water seemed like the best idea at the time, in fact, the time he took running to the pool, actually helped the fire burn stronger. Instead, had he stopped, dropped, and rolled, he would have ended up with less severe burns.

It is a scary thought to talk to our toddlers about fire, yet we must. In our three year old classroom, we talk about fire safety in a non-threatening way that the kids actually enjoy. First, the teachers model for the children a scenario, and then the kids take a turn. We say, “Oh, no, there is fire on my pants. What should I do? I need to stop, drop, and roll.” We act it out repeatedly. Each child gets to stand up and tell us where the fire is on their clothes, and what they will do to put it out. They stop, drop, and roll around the floor.

We also talk about the loud bell that goes off if there is a fire. Yes, it can be very loud, and scary, but it is an important bell. It tells us that we must stop whatever we are doing and get out of the building. We don’t stop to clean up toys. We don’t stop to finish our snack. We don’t worry about turning off the TV. What we have to do is line up at the door and together walk outside of the building. We practice this with the kids, encouraging them to help us make the loud noise of the fire alarm.

Our school has fire drills monthly, so we try to do this right at the beginning of the school year so the kids aren’t freaked out the first time the alarm unexpectedly goes off. Of course, this year that wasn't the case. Some kids will be afraid no matter how much you try to practice, but safety is the most important thing. Don’t assume that your toddler won’t understand. Teach him and he will know what to do in an emergency.

A Teacher’s Role in Potty Training

2010-10-04T08:11:00.000-04:00

I am re-running an earlier post about the teacher’s role as it relates to potty training.

In preschool, a teacher’s primary role is to teach. Of course she will love, nurture, serve as a role model, and even change diapers for her charges, but first and foremost her goal is to teach. At times, parents lose sight of this.

At three years old, Colleen’s parents hadn’t started potty training her yet. Every day she would move her bowels at one o’clock, and you could almost set your watch to it. The girl was very regular. Her teacher spoke with her father, and suggested that they work together to begin to toilet train Colleen.

Her father became instantly offended and told the teacher that he would train his daughter when he believed it was time and it was not her place to make that suggestion. He went on to say that changing his daughter’s diaper was the teacher’s job and she shouldn’t complain about doing her job.

This was a disheartening conversation. To begin with, changing diapers is not in the teacher’s job description for a three year old. In many schools, children who aren’t potty trained aren’t even allowed to enroll. While in our school teachers willingly change children out of love and caring, the teacher’s job is to teach, not change diapers. Potty training can be very difficult, and this teacher was willing to help Colleen’s parents with the task. Her father should have not only appreciated her desire to help out, but also her willingness to change his daughter’s soiled diapers so many times. Face it, a three year old’s bowel movement is very different than that of an infant. It is not a pleasant job for anyone.

Some parents have personal reasons for waiting to potty train their children until they are older, even four or five years old. They believe that if they wait until their child is completely ready on his own, it will be a far easier process. If that is how you feel, at least say thank you to the teacher who needs to clean and change your child while she is at school.

And please don’t lose sight of the teacher’s primary responsibility, which is teaching.

Ways to Help Your Child Improve Fine Motor Skills

2010-09-27T07:40:00.000-04:00

Experts believe that toddlers today have weaker fine motor skills than those of previous generations due to the change is placing babies on their backs in the crib instead of their stomachs. The purpose of placing babies on their backs is to prevent sudden infant death syndrome, but one of the by-products of that may be that babies aren’t using their arms to push themselves up as much as if they were on their backs.

With that in mind, it is the responsibility of teachers and parents to help toddlers catch up with their fine motor skills. There are many daily activities that you can do with your kids at home to help develop these skills. The act of getting dressed includes many fine motor skills, as simple as figuring out how to put on a sock, to the more difficult task of buttoning. Encouraging your child to dress himself at age two or three with simpler tasks that will allow him to move on to more difficult ones as his fine motor skills improve.

Encourage your child to use crayons to scribble or draw freely. Play dough or clay is another wonderful tool to develop small muscles while having fun. Hide small toys inside a ball of play dough and encourage your child to find them and pull them out. Use chop sticks or tongs to play a game where the child picks up cotton balls, marbles, or other objects. Jacks and pick-up-sticks are also fun games that promote the use of fine motor skills. Give your child strips of construction paper and have him rip them into small pieces. Ripping is a great precursor to cutting.

If you don’t mind the mess, and I encourage parents to find a place where their kids can get messy, shaving cream is a great medium to play in. Let your child trace shapes into the shaving cream, or practice writing his name. You can also mix water and corn starch (about 3 parts corn starch to 1 part water) to create a cool mixture to play with. Again, you can hide small objects in the goop, trace letters and shapes, or just have fun letting your child run his fingers through it.

A three year old should be able to cut with scissors, but until his fine motor skills are strong enough, that is really tough for many kids. Encourage your child to work puzzles, play with worry ball, and even make taffy out of marshmallows. To do that, have your child grab a marshmallow between the thumb and index finger of both hands and pull it apart. Continue to flip your fingers so that the right hand thumb is on top, then on the bottom, which allows you to keep pulling the marshmallow. Not only will it turn into a delicious treat, but it will work those small muscles in your child’s fingers.

The more practice our kids get in working their small muscles, the easier time they will have cutting and writing. There are many things you can do at home to get them off to a great start.

The Time to Start Saving for College is NOW!

2010-09-22T07:48:00.002-04:00

As you tuck your adorable little toddler into bed at night, thoughts of college are the furthest thing from your mind. Getting him to sleep through the night and learn to dress himself are way more immediate concerns. Yet, with the average cost of a private four-year school for the 2009-2010 academic year at $26,273, according to the College Board, there’s no time like the present to start saving and planning.

Started in 1996, 529 savings plans encourage families to start college savings when their kids are young. While these plans are subject to the economic conditions of the market, they do offer many benefits. For starters, every state offers at least one plan and they are very user friendly for families who may not be investment savvy.

They are very good for middle income families and families who can’t save a whole lot each month, and there’s usually a good tax advantage for state taxes, points out Cindy Bailey, Senior Policy Analyst at the College Board. It’s the route for parents to begin to look at what these costs are going to be and look at ways they can begin to provide some amount of savings toward those costs, and at least have a cushion.
Look into the 529 savings plans in your state and a couple of others to determine the one that’s best for you. Remember, these plans follow the overall stock market, so when the market is down the plan will lose as well. Yet, if you force yourself to put even a small amount into the plan each month, your forced savings will increase over time.

Beginning in October of 2011, every institution that gets federal funds will be required to have on their website a Net Price Calculator. This tool will allow families to put in information about themselves and get information back about potential financial aid packages at that school.

It’s going to be a very helpful tool across the board for institutions and families, taking the confusion out of what a school will actually cost. The calculator will help you determine how money is given out, how it is packaged, and what you might get. You will be able to get a feel for how much you will need to save when your precious toddler becomes a precocious college student!

Why it’s Important that Your Toddler Learns to Dress Herself

2010-09-20T08:36:00.001-04:00

There are many reasons to teach your toddler how to get dressed by herself. For starters, this process teaches the child many skills, including how to navigate sleeve holes, buttons, and even which shoe belongs on which foot. But, it also teaches m independence, and a sense of accomplishment that she got dressed by herself. The icing on the cake is the time that is freed up in your morning routine, because you didn’t have to dress her.

Part of this process involves allowing her to choose her own clothes. That’s not always easy. We had one little girl in our class who wore the same pink dress to school every day for two months. She insisted on wearing it because it was her favorite, and her mother chose not to fight that battle every morning. Eventually, her mother took her shopping and allowed her to pick out several new outfits. That at least expanded her repertoire.

If you want some control over what your child wears, you can offer her choices.
Before she goes to bed at night, let her choose between two outfits that you have selected. Giving her the choice makes her feel more independent, and by doing it the night before, she can take her time in making the decision. But, if your daughter hates to wear dresses, having her choose between two different dresses will probably not fly. You must take her tastes into consideration, as well. As much as you might wish she’d wear a dress, the choices will need to be pants outfits.

It is difficult for a young child to fasten closures, so be patient. Start with zippering. Put the base of the zipper pull into the other side to get it started, and then let your child pull it the rest of the way. Hooks and snaps usually come next, with buttons the most challenging. But you have to let your child try, and fail, and try again, until she gets it right. How proud will both of you be when she accomplishes this important new skill!

How to Dress Your Toddler for Preschool

2010-09-16T07:54:00.002-04:00

As I shook sand out of my flat strappy sandals after being on the playground yesterday, I remembered a golden preschool rule – no open shoes on the playground! I’ve preached this to my students’ parents for years, but somehow my love for my Grecian sandals got the better of my judgment.

As you plan for school, it’s important to consider the right clothing for your child to wear. Of course, clothes should be comfortable, allowing the children to play freely, without worrying about their outfits. Naturally, your kids will get dirty in preschool – that’s part of the fun! If the thought of paint on a collar or scuffed knees from a fall on the playground concerns you, that’s not the right school outfit. We do have the kids wear smocks, but they are not foolproof. Also, many times kids spill juice on themselves, or their neighbors.

Getting back to shoes, preschoolers generally visit the playground daily. Today, most school playgrounds sit on mulch or recycled tires, and there’s often a sandbox. All of these things can find their way into sandals or open shoes. It’s tough, I know, because on hot days, sandals seem perfect, not to mention stylish. Yet, it can also make a playground experience miserable. Closed shoes or sneakers are perfect for the playground, as well as any gym activities.

Today, Velcro closures are blessings, at least until it’s time to teach kids how to tie their own shoes at about five years old. Then, ties are necessary for shoe tying lessons. The very little ones, however, can put on and take off their own shoes when they have Velcro straps.

So, when choosing back-to-school clothes for your preschooler, think comfort and messy fun!

Choosing How Much Time to Send a Child to Preschool

2010-09-14T07:52:00.002-04:00

Back in August, I wrote about a dad who was struggling with the amount of time he would send his toddler to preschool. He was choosing between sending his three and a half year old daughter to school three days or five. With a six year old going to the same school his daughter would attend, it would be convenient to take both kids every weekday. Having a two year old at home also meant that it would be easier to have the two older siblings out of the house each day.
Yet, five days just felt like too much school to this dad, and he wondered if three would be better.

I suggested that whatever decision he made, it would likely be right - and the best part is that his decision wouldn’t be irrevocable in the chance it didn’t work out. I would equally weigh two factors. First, his daughter’s temperament. If she’s a go-with-the-flow kind of kid, she will likely thrive whether she goes 3 days or 5 days. The second factor is his wife’s well-being. If she is not ready to give up her time with their daughter and she would love to spend those two days with her, that is really important.

On the other hand, if the baby is keeping his wife busy and it will be difficult for her to keep both girls occupied in a really positive way, five days might be a better choice for the family. The fact that his son will be in the same school will make the transition even easier for his sister, knowing that her big brother is in the building if she needs some reassurance.

Whatever decision he made, I urged him to give it a few weeks before pulling the plug. If after three weeks she seems irritable or overwhelmed, back her down to 3 days. In my opinion the decision is less about age than the child’s temperament and the family’s needs.

They decided to send her for the full day, 5 days per week. Though it seemed like a lot of schooling for a three and a half year old, in the first month of school, she thrived. She really enjoys the school and looks forward to going every day. In the end, this decision worked out well for the entire family.

The Importance of the Meet and Greet

2010-09-12T10:01:00.001-04:00

We just enjoyed our Meet and Greet, an opportunity for the students and their parents to meet the teachers and see the classroom before school actually begins. This is such an important time for everyone involved.

It allows the student a chance to become familiar with the classroom while Mom or Dad is nearby. She can meet some of her classmates – in our school we have four or five come at once – and not be overwhelmed by a huge crowd. When she walks through the door on the first day of school, she will already know what to expect in the classroom, including where her cubby is, where favorite toys are kept, and who are teachers are.

For the students’ parents, there is often anxiety, especially if it’s the first time the child is going to school on her own. The parents can meet some of the other children and their parents, see the environment where there child will be each day, and have an opportunity to ask any questions of the teachers. Filling the teacher in on where the child in on potty training, explain the child’s temperament, and providing warnings of any food allergies, make the transition that much smoother.

The teachers enjoy this time because they get a sense of the make-up of the class. If a child has trouble focusing, the teacher will know to put her close by to keep her engaged. If a child is afraid of the sound of the toilet flushing, the teacher can warn her when a child is about to use the potty.

We have a few rules that we can discuss with the parents right up front. For example, we ask our parents to try hard to be on time for the child’s sake. For the first 10 minutes of class, the students put their things away and then have time to chat with one another. They love sharing with each other, and when a child walks in late, if we have already started our circle time, she will miss out on the “coffee klatch.” We also ask the parents to leave their child at the door rather than walking into the classroom. Even if the kid is screaming and holding on for dear life, it is important that we peel her off her mom and bring her into the classroom. It is more difficult for a child to transition if Mom comes into the room, and it makes it even harder for the other kids whose parents do not come in when they see another parent.

Have a wonderful school year!

Welcome Back to School – Get Organized

2010-09-07T07:59:00.003-04:00

Welcome Back to School – Get Organized
After a harried morning waking kids who were used to sleeping late, making lunches, and arguing over “appropriate” clothing for school, now you can take a deep breath. Whether you are at work or at home, you know your kids are tucked safely away at school.

This is a great time to begin getting organized. Use a calendar to keep track of sporting events, religious school, birthday parties, etc. And don’t forget to check that calendar every night to be prepared for the next day.

It’s also the time to set up carpools. It’s virtually impossible to drive all your kids to all their events, so take advantage of sharing this responsibility with neighbors. When you are the driver, listen to the chatter in the back seat. It’s amazing what you’ll learn about your kids, and their friends, when they forget that you are the chauffeur.

Make lists. Whether it’s “To Do,” a grocery store list, or birthday card reminders, an organized parent is a happier parent. It’s hard to keep track of everything, and lists are helpful reminders.

Sort Closets. In many places, Fall weather is erratic. Schools can be hot, or cold, and kids may need to wear layers. Get rid of the things that your child outgrew, and organize drawers and closets so the kids can find what they need on their own. Even three year olds can dress themselves with a little assistance.

Enjoy some “me” time. If you can give yourself a half hour to do something special for yourself, whether it’s on your lunch break or while you’re at home, it will go a long way in recharging your batteries for the hectic after school activities that await you. Take a walk, enjoy a cup of coffee, watch a soap opera – whatever will make you relax.

Get into a routine. As best you can, create a routine that works for the whole family. Kids can brush their teeth, get dressed, and make their beds all on their own, and then come down for breakfast with a little time to spare. It’s your job to enforce this and it will make your life way easier while teaching your kids responsibility.

Have a wonderful year!

Buying Back-to-School Clothes

2010-09-03T11:23:00.000-04:00

This is repeated from last year at the request of some preschool moms.

Part of your school planning process involves having the right clothing for your child to wear to school. Be sure to choose comfortable clothes for school days. The children should be able to play freely, without worrying about what they are wearing. One year, we had a little girl, Carly, whose mother made all of her clothes. She operated a cottage business making and selling children’s clothing. Every day, Carly came to school in an outfit cuter than the day before. Her barrettes or hair bands matched the cuffs of her pants, and the way her mother combined fabrics was unusual and unique. Unfortunately, many times Carly’s pants or skirts were too long, and she was constantly tripping over them. We’d have to roll them up just to keep her safe.

Her mother told us that Carly hated getting dressed up, but her daughter was her “sample size.” She needed the other mothers, her potential customers, to see Carly’s outfits. As soon as she came home from school, Carly would rip off her clothing and put on a pair of jeans or sweatpants and a t-shirt, usually her brother’s soccer shirt. She felt much more comfortable in loose fitting clothing.

Carly’s mother had a specific reason for sending her daughter to school dressed as she did, and I always marveled at her mother’s seamstress prowess. She was lucky that her daughter was willing to wear the outfits she created. Fortunately, she didn’t mind if her daughter spilled juice on her shirt or got paint on her sleeve, which are inevitable outcomes for preschoolers.

When buying your child’s school clothes, keep in mind that they will be getting dirty. If you bristle at the thought of scuffed knees from a fall on the playground, or dot marker on a collar, find another outfit that can get dirty. Smocks are not foolproof and snack time is often an adventure in drips and spills.

As for shoes, most preschoolers go on the playground almost every day. Typical school playgrounds have mulch, recycled tires, or some other material that can get into open shoes. While sandals seem perfect for warmer days, having mulch constantly stuck in your shoes makes for a miserable playground experience. Sneakers are way better. It is also necessary to have your child wear tennis shoes on gym days, to be able to take advantage of all the activities.

When choosing shoes for two and three year olds, I find that Velcro closures are best. Once the children reach four or five, ties are important so the kids can begin learning how to tie. But for the very little ones, having to deal with untied shoes is annoying. Many shoes come with rounded laces which seem to be perpetually untied. Flatter laces tend to stay tied longer.

I learned a trick from a shoe salesman. If you loop the string twice when you make the initial knot, before you start the bow, it tends to hold longer. Then make a double knot and it should last for at least the morning.

It Takes a Community to Raise a Child

2010-08-31T10:17:00.001-04:00

In today’s hectic society, families often need support from the outside. Whether it’s a neighbor who can carpool, a babysitter who can fill in, or a mentor who can provide advice, parenthood is tough and we are lucky if we have other people to lean on.

Sue Ambrose is the type of neighbor who will help anyone with any need, despite having three children of her own, including one with special needs. She is involved in SpEAC (Special Education Advocacy Council,) a parent advisory group whose goal is to work toward the understanding of, respect for and appropriate education of all children with special needs in our community.

While this particular group is an off-board committee of the Moorestown New Jersey Home and School Association, similar groups have sprung up throughout the country to support other families. SPEAC serves as the designated parent advisory group to satisfy the state requirement for parent participation in Special Education.

If you happen to live near Moorestown New Jersey, check out their upcoming event at Café on Main, called A Gourmet Taste of Hoboken right here in Moorestown! This “fun”-raiser event is open to the whole family on Friday, October 8th at the Moorestown Community House from 6:30-9:30 p.m.

If you live elsewhere, think about ways that you can help other families in your community and take advantage of neighbors eager to help you.

Practice Scissor Skills with your Toddlers

2010-08-27T08:11:00.000-04:00

One day in our three year old classroom, I saw Marie sitting under one of the activity tables. As I got closer, I was horrified to discover that the little girl was sitting in the middle of a pile of blond girls. She had given herself a haircut. Whenever a parent tells me that she won’t let her child use scissors at home, I recall the story of Marie. Yet, with constant supervision, I urge parents to help their children learn this important skill.

Learning how to grasp and use scissors isn’t easy. It takes lots of practice from the child and lots of patience from the parent. But it is worth the time and effort. It’s a shame that some parents do not allow their toddlers to use scissors at home. Concerns over the child harming himself or cutting something that he shouldn’t be cutting, make parents wary of even introducing their kids to scissors.

We encourage the use of scissors in school for a couple of reasons. For one, this is an important, though difficult skill, for children to master. It takes a great deal of practice for most children to even learn how to grasp a scissor correctly. Cutting is also a skill that they will need by the time they get to kindergarten, and it takes quite a bit of practice. It is also an excellent way to help develop fine motor skills.

We have three types of scissors in the classroom. For children with very weak fine motor skills, we have a pair that actually has four finger holes. The child puts his fingers into the bottom two holes while the teacher puts her fingers into the top two holes. I find them a bit awkward, but for the very beginners, it helps children learn the proper grasp and the motion of opening and closing the scissor. After that, the child can use a pair that has a spring so the scissor can open itself. The student needs to use the proper grasp, but he only needs to squeeze the scissor shut and then it will open back up automatically. Once the child is successful with this pair, he is able to move on to a regular child’s scissor.

In all cases, the scissors have rounded edges and can only cut paper. They can’t cut a child’s skin or fabric. We place a dot with a magic marker at the base of the thumb hole. This dot serves as the scissors’ ‘eye’ and must point up to the sky. That helps the child understand the way the scissor needs to be held. We then help him put his thumb into the top, smaller hole, and two or three fingers into the bottom hole. Next, we practice opening and closing, opening and closing the scissors.
Even before introducing scissors, we encourage the children to rip pieces of paper. Ripping can be a difficult task before fine motor skills are strongly developed. Some children have trouble with the ripping motion. Once they are able to rip with their hands, they have an easier time cutting with scissors.

When the children do graduate to scissors, we start by having them fringe paper as opposed to cutting it. The fringing motion is a quick opening and closing of the scissor without having to navigate moving the scissor fully across the paper. Once they can fringe, we give them straight lines to cut. Finally, they are encouraged to actually cut out shapes.

I am always amazed at how persistent children are when learning how to cut. Very few children can cut instantly. It’s a skill that takes practice. Yet, even children who have trouble cutting are willing to persevere until they find success.

Creativity Over Perfection for Children

2010-08-25T08:15:00.000-04:00

When our children are little, it’s easy to get caught up in the notion that now is the time to teach them to do things the “right” way. We sometimes forget that the way three year olds learn is by experimenting. The more they try new things, the more they learn. Even when they create things that seem wrong to you, it is important to allow them creative expression.

One of our projects each year is a self-image picture. The child looks in a mirror and tells us what color his eyes and hair are, and how many eyes, eyelashes, nose, and mouth he has. We then give him an oval shape to serve as his face, and he creates his image. One mother approached me after viewing the self-image pictures that were hanging in the hall.

“My son put his eye where his mouth should be,” she said. “Why didn’t you fix that?”

I explained to her that the process in making the picture was more important than the finished product. To make his picture, her son, Bobby, had to cut out the circles for the eyes, use scissors to fringe the eyelashes, glue them onto the face and then draw the nose and mouth. He then chose the color yarn that he wanted for his hair and attached that to his head. There were many skills involved in this, including correctly grasping a scissor and cutting, holding a crayon, gluing and coloring. I did ask Bobby to look in the mirror one more time.

“Is that where your eyes are?” I asked him.
“They are today,” he said laughing.

For whatever reason, Bobby was in a silly mood that day. He knew where his eyes belonged, but he felt like putting one eye near his mouth. Maybe we had a budding modern artist on our hands! Because Bobby did all of the cutting, gluing, and coloring, we allowed him to be creative and complete his own interpretation of his face. By that time, he was much more interested in playing with the toy truck.

His mother felt that we should have made him fix it.
She said, “But compared to all the other pictures hanging in the hall, Bobby’s looks stupid.”

“Maybe you have the next Picasso on your hands,” I replied. “What is important in this project is the process of cutting, coloring and gluing. These activities all use fine motor skills and you can see that Bobby did an excellent job. I am sure that he knows where his eyes belong on his face, but if he wants to be creative, we prefer not to discourage him.”

I do remember years earlier when I was the mother in the hallway comparing my children’s artwork to that of their peers. It is easy to get caught up in the minutiae of the finished product. Does my child cut as well as the others? Is my son behind the curve?

Yet, the more I have worked with different children, the more I value their individualism and creativity. In preschool, kids are experimenting with different mediums often for the first time. Sometimes, just peeling a sticker off its backing is a difficult task in itself. To observe children using their imaginations in their artwork is a beautiful thing.

Why Families Should Eat Meals Together Whenever Possible

2010-08-23T09:10:00.000-04:00

It makes sense that spending more time with your kids should strengthen relationships, and there’s proof that family meals keep kids healthier on many levels. No doubt, finding the time to choose a common hour when everyone can sit at the dinner table can be challenging. Yet, it’s definitely worth the effort.

Children who eat meals with their families have proven to do better in school and are less involved in dangerous behaviors. Research shows that the time spent talking, debating, and even arguing over the dinner table, helps forge stronger relationships. Use this time to get to know your kids. When parents show that they are interested in what their children have to say, the kids are more likely to be more open about their lives.

There are lots of great things that come out of family meals. For starters, parents will learn more about your kids, and they’ll learn more about you. Take this chance to demonstrate that you value other family member’s opinions. Ask your kids what’s happening in their lives, and discover what matters to them, who their friends are, etc. etc.

Studies also prove that parental involvement and influence are important in preventing substance abuse. Teens who rarely have family dinners are three-and-a-half times more likely to have abused prescription drugs or an illegal drug other than marijuana, compared to teens who have frequent family dinners.

Family meals also encourage healthy eating for all family members. When you eat with your children, it is more likely that meals will be more balanced. Research shows that girls who have five or more meals a week with their families are a third less likely to develop unhealthy eating habits, which can range from skipping meals to full-fledged anorexia or abusing diet pills.

We all lead excessively busy lives. Religious classes, sports, classes, jobs, and many other other activities make finding time for family meals difficult. Yet, I encourage you to do your best to try to make this a priority. Each and every member of your family will enjoy the benefits.

Getting the “Right” Teacher

2010-08-18T07:55:00.000-04:00

I remember waiting anxiously for the letter to come announcing the teacher my child would have for the upcoming year. So many times, it seemed like I didn’t get the best choice. Now, as a teacher myself, it’s interesting to sit on the other side of the desk, and wonder how many of my students’ parents think that they could have done better.

In truth, most of the times when I was disappointed with my child’s placement, I was proved wrong. Once given a chance, the teacher came through and gave my child an excellent education. It’s so easy to get caught up in rumor and speculation and believe your child MUST have a particular teacher or he will be doomed to failure. Yet, there are many factors that go into creating a cohesive class, and usually your child’s best interests are considered.

For example, would your child be best educated by a teacher who will push her to work harder or is the gentle approach better? Will the other kids in the class form a complementary unit or are there kids who are more disruptive? In the end, it’s part teacher, part students, and part how it all works together that makes a class a success.
Where I teach we take great pains to create the most effective classes, getting input from the child’s previous teacher, the preschool director, and sometimes the parent herself. If we think two students prevent each other from being most successful, we work hard to separate them. If we believe a child is best served in a smaller class, we make sure she is placed there. If there are children who need additional support, we place them in a class with an extra teacher.

In other words, it isn’t the teacher alone who should make you pleased or not when you get your child’s assignment. Give it a chance even if you don’t get your first choice. Maybe, instead, your child got the best choice for her.

And, in the worst case, even a not-so-great teacher is a learning experience for the child. My daughter had a really crummy teacher one year. I believe she made my child more doubtful about her abilities. While I wish she hadn’t experienced that, it did force our family to work harder to instill confidence in our child ourselves. It taught her that sometimes you have to make a bad situation work, which is an important life lesson at any age.

So, when you open your letter, stay positive. Have faith that your child will have a wonderful year.

Mommy, Please Get Off Your Cell Phone

2010-08-16T08:17:00.001-04:00

It’s hard to believe we didn’t have cell phones when our kids were young. I can’t even remember how I arranged what time to pick them up from school or sports, or what I did to occupy my time while I was waiting. Cell phones today certainly make those things easier. If only parents would limit their talk time to necessities.

I get so frustrated every time I walk into Target or the food store and witness a toddler vying for his mother’s attention as she gabs on the phone. I guess one way to prevent your child from asking for things in every aisle is to completely ignore him. Yet, the time you have with your child during shopping excursions is valuable, and when you talk on the phone instead of to your child, you are wasting precious time.
Stores are a great place for impromptu lessons. Pointing out the numbers of the aisles, showing your child a pomegranate, or teaching him how to be patient through the process are all life lessons. When you form a bond with your child when he’s young, you will have developed the important relationship that you will likely need when he becomes a teenager.

I have witnessed children who beg for their parent’s attention while she’s on the phone. They tug at her sleeve, call her name repeatedly, and even throw something out of the cart. That parent undoubtedly gets angry at the child, who only wanted her attention.

I’ve also witnessed kids who simply give up. They realize that Mommy won’t get off the phone no matter what they do, so they sit in the cart in silence. How very sad.

I beg parents to enjoy quality time with your toddlers whenever you get the chance. As the mother of grown children, I promise that one day you will look back and wish for those moments.

Deciding How Much Time a Toddler Should Spend in Preschool

2010-08-11T14:53:00.000-04:00

I received a n e-mail from the father of three kids, who is struggling to choose between sending his three and a half year old daughter to school three days or five. With a six year old going to the same school his daughter will attend, it will be convenient to take both kids every weekday. Having a two year old at home also means that it would be easier to have the two older siblings out of the house each day.

Yet, five days just feels like too much school to this dad, and he wonders if three would be better. Here’s what I told him:

I love that you care so much about doing the “right” thing, but I will tell you right now that whatever decision you make, it will likely be right - and the best part is that nothing is irrevocable in the chance it doesn’t work out. I would equally weigh two factors. First, your daughter’s temperament. If she’s a go-with-the-flow kind of kid, she will likely thrive whether she goes 3 days or 5 days. The second factor is your wife’s well-being. If she is not ready to give up her time with your daughter and she would love to spend those two days with her, that is really important.

On the other hand, if the baby is keeping your wife busy and it will be difficult for her to keep both girls occupied in a really positive way, five days might be a better choice for the family. The fact that your son will be in the same school will make the transition even easier for his sister, knowing that her big brother is in the building if she needs some reassurance.

The bottom line is that you can start out putting her in five days and see how she does. Give it a few weeks though before pulling the plug. If after three weeks she seems irritable or overwhelmed, back her down to 3 days. In my opinion the decision is less about age than the child’s temperament and the family’s needs.

The last thing I will tell you is that while this decision is very important now, and I admire your research in trying to do the right thing, whatever you decide will not affect your daughter in the long term. Kids adapt. The school you choose is more important than the amount of time she spends there.

How to Create a Rewards Chart

2010-08-03T07:59:00.000-04:00

Alison, one of my favorite moms (that is mother of one of my students!) was struggling to get her two girls to complete daily tasks without an argument. She and her husband came up with a reward chart that used marbles to earn or lose rewards.

The chart itself uses clip art that is bright, colorful, and whimsical, making the entire process fun for the 5 and 8 year old girls. It allows for the younger girl, who can’t yet read, to be able to understand it.

For example, first line which includes colorful pictures representing the morning routine of waking up, going to the potty, brushing teeth, and getting dressed.For completing those tasks, the girls each get a marble. There are many opportunities throughout the day to earn additional marbles, from washing hands to staying dry all day, to getting themselves ready for school.

Alison explains, “As they got used to it, we started to expect them to do the things with one prompting by us. If they needed us to remind them over again, no marble. Also, there are things they do to earn extra marbles, including any type of good deed that they are doing that wouldn't necessarily be an everyday chore. It definitely encourages them to be helpful to Mommy! For example, they are rewarded for really great behavior if we are somewhere where really great behavior is appreciated.”

Throughout the day, the children can turn their accumulated marbles in for rewards, which Alison has also listed on a chart. These include dessert, an extra book or chapter (depending on the length of the book or chapter,) or 30 minutes of television or computer time. For the child hoping to save money to buy something, any marbles not exchanged can be turned into cash – a quarter a marble. This added money becomes their allowance at the end of the week.

Alison points out that it is fun to give them extra marbles when they earn them, however, the girls lose a marble when sent for time out. The family’s number one sin, lying, loses the whole day’s marbles.

So far, the system has turned their house into a more organized, stress-free environment, while teaching the girls responsibility.

Tips to Avoid Obesity in our Children

2010-07-30T08:24:00.000-04:00

With Michelle Obama leading the charge to end childhood obesity, this serious topic is getting more attention. A new study on the subject revealed what most parents already know – there are three easy steps to keeping our kids healthy and avoiding obesity. According to the US Preventative Service Task Force, eating together as a family more than five nights per week, sleeping at least 10 ½ hours on weeknights, and limiting television and video watching to no more than two hours on weekdays, will give your child a 40 percent lower prevalence of obesity.

While these recommendations are fairly obvious, finding the time in our busy, hectic schedules to actually make these things happen isn’t easy. But, it’s necessary. The study points out that since the 1970s, childhood and adolescent obesity has increased three to six times. Approximately 12% to 18% of 2- to 19-year-old children and adolescents are obese (defined as having an age- and gender-specific BMI at 95th percentile).

Obesity can lead to other health problems for your kids, including diabetes and heart disease. Getting them on track now with a healthy lifestyle will set them on a positive path for their entire lives. In addition, all three routines also provide other benefits. According to the Department of Health and Human Services, by eating with your children, it is more likely that meals will be healthier and more balanced.

They also point out that teens who rarely have family dinners are three-and-a-half times more likely to have abused prescription drugs or an illegal drug other than marijuana. Girls who have five or more meals a week with their families are one-third less likely to develop unhealthy eating habits, which can range from skipping meals to full-fledged anorexia or abusing diet pills. Regularly sitting down for a meal with your children is one way to connect with them and be involved with what is happening in their lives. They are more apt to tell you when they face difficult challenges or temptations.

The second recommendation, getting enough sleep, can also be easier said than done. By the time everyone gets home from work and after-school activities, has finished the family dinner and homework, getting 10 1/2 hours of sleep can be tricky. Yet, kids who get a full night’s sleep are sharper during the day, have more energy to enjoy physical activities, and stay healthier overall.

The final recommendation, limiting television and video watching, will allow your kids to spend time doing other, more productive activities. Playing a family game, exercising, Hop 66 Ball and reading, will all promote a healthy lifestyle.

Ways to Manage Your Time and Help Your Kids Manage Theirs

2010-07-27T08:35:00.000-04:00

Last week I talked about managing your time with a newborn in the house. Today I want to talk about kids as they grow into new stages of development. Teaching them how to properly organize themselves and manage their time is an important lesson that will make them more successful throughout their lives.

Elementary
• Use timers – if your child needs to practice an instrument for 20 minutes, use a timer to help him understand how long that is.
• Keep the bedroom TV free – combining a TV with a developing sense of what time is can create conflicts between the parents and children. It’s better to remove the temptation.
• Create visual calendars – make a picture calendar to show school days, activities, and other events that your child will be expected to attend.
• It’s okay to say no – be careful not to over-schedule your child with activities. Allow him some free time to read, color, watch TV, and just relax.

Tweens
• Use a planner – teach your child how to use a daily planner to write down all of her homework and other assignments every day.
• Utilize a home/school folder – have a pocket on one side for things to go ‘to school’ and another on the other side for things to come ‘from school.’ Along with your child, be sure that she has done each of her assignments and that all of her homework is ready to go the next morning.
• Renegotiate expectations – set age-appropriate bedtimes, expectations on the amount of homework your child should do each night, free time on the computer and phone.
• Take the computer out of the bedroom – avoid free time spent on the computer from sabotaging homework time. Your child may not have the internal skills to censor herself.

Teens
• Take advantage of access to your child’s grade and attendance on-line – most schools provide parents with a website and password to view your children’s progress. Be sure to keep track of how they are doing to catch any potential problems before it’s too late.
• Help your child multi-task – there will be long-term assignments that must be carried out over time, along with nightly tasks. Help your child understand how to balance all of her work.
• Help your kids avoid over-scheduling themselves with school work, jobs, extracurricular activities, and a social life. They need to understand how to prioritize demands on their time.
• Kids are more independent, but let them know they can ask for help when needed. Even if they want a sounding board, reassurance helps.

Time Management Tips for Parents with Newborns

2010-07-22T08:15:00.000-04:00

I spoke with Maryanne Bourque, MS, RN, Community Education Coordinator at Nemours/Alfred I. duPont Hospital for Children in Wilmington, DE about time management with new baby in the house. Here is what she said:

Having a new baby can be overwhelming for even the most organized woman. A few tips:
• Keep it simple and keep it realistic! Although there are supermoms who seem to have it all together immediately upon leaving the hospital with their new bundle of joy, the reality is it takes some organization, some realistic goals and some help to manage your time.
• For the first few weeks, remember your body is healing. Try to limit visitors' time in visiting you and number of visitors. If they ask what they can bring, tell them to bring lunch (a small rotisserie chicken, a bagged salad and a baguette from the grocery store can be a real treat!) If family members offer to help, let them come and hold your colicky baby one afternoon while you try and take a quick nap. Let Daddy feed, bathe or put the baby to sleep for the evening - it helps him bond and gives Mom a break. In other words, let people help you - it doesn't mean you can't do it by yourself and people like to feel as if they're truly helping.
• Once you're a few weeks out from the delivery and you're ready to venture out more often, try to get and stay organized:
o When putting clean laundry away, put a clean outfit or two right into the diaper bag. Make sure there's a good supply of diapers, wipes and pacifiers.
o If you're going back to work, try to get ready the night before by laying out clothes for you and the baby (and siblings if this isn't your first!) pack your lunch the night before and keep it in the fridge till morning, throw anything related to errands in the car (dry cleaning, grocery list.)
o Make and keep two essentials: a calendar and a "To Do" list. On the calendar, plug in all appointments, work meetings, social functions so that you'll be able to plan your day, week and month. In keeping this calendar, though, remember flexibility is key - if neither you nor the baby slept the entire night, you may need to reorganize your day. Concentration on tasks may suffer from lack of sleep and being focused on your new baby, a “to do” list helps keep things top of mind.
• Other tips that may help:
o Keep things where they belong (keys by the door, coat hung up, purse and diaper bag in the same place)
o When scheduling things on the calendar, schedule time for yourself (even if it is only 30 minutes a couple times a week) to do something just for you (read a book, take a bath, get a pedicure). When you're comfortable leaving the baby for an hour or so with a trusted family member or sitter, schedule a date night with your partner - it's important to stay connected and communicating. Even if you just take a walk together for 30 - 60 minutes, the time spent alone together is very important.
o When cooking, try to keep to healthy things as much as possible: buy pre-cut veggies, when cooking a meal, double the recipe and freeze half so that you'll have a meal already made to pull out on a busy day.
Thanks to Maryanne for some important and practical advice. As the mom of three kids, I remember those days fondly, even though it was difficult at the time. Enjoy!

Meet NBC Nightly News Anchor Brian Williams

2010-07-20T08:07:00.000-04:00

While these pages are generally devoted to parenting advice, today I will digress and share some of the interesting things NBC Nightly News anchor Brian Williams shared with me. He’s traveled the world to cover virtually every breaking news story in the last decade, and is passionate about explaining these stories to his viewers. He is also very proud of his own children, who are now young adults.

Here are some of the things he told me…..

Williams gained attention as the first and only network evening news anchor to report from New Orleans during Hurricane Katrina, arriving even before the hurricane struck. He followed the story from the epicenter, reporting from inside the Superdome. Williams stayed in New Orleans for the aftermath and still visits the region to report on the recovery and rebuilding efforts.

He continues to spend a lot of time on the road, going where the news is. “I’m the representative,” he explains. “Most of the people in my audience are never going to get to Mosul, or Fallujah, or even Grand Isle Louisiana. So, I’ve got to be the guy telling them.”

Williams admits that these stories touch him personally. Returning recently from the Gulf where he covered the oil spill, he still has oil stains on his clothing. “I have some oil on my shirt that has been washed a couple of times – it ain’t coming out. This stuff is as permanent as ink from a pen. You put that in terms that people can understand and that helps to paint a picture.”

“I have a cup of oil from this oil spoil that I got out of the water,” he says. “It’s on our kitchen window sill and everyone who comes in our house looks at it. They take a knife and they dig into it – it’s solidified now. They want to smell it, they want to touch it, they want to see if it stains their skin. They want to experience it. On a larger level, that’s what I’m doing by going to these stories.”

He says that every story he covers affects him profoundly, especially getting to know the people whose lives are touched. Yet, he must remain objective in spite of his personal feelings. “I’ve got to turn around and give you as straight a version of what I’ve found as I can,” he explains.

Balancing Family with Work
With a wife, 22 year old daughter and 19 year old son, Williams has made a concerted effort to spend quality time with his family. “It has not been easy, but now it can be told that when my kids were young I managed to cut a lot of corners, drive real fast, and take an occasional slow afternoon off!” he says.

When his kids were young he worked at MSNBC at night, which allowed him to spend time with his children during the day. “I was the only Dad at a lot of daytime assemblies at school,” he recalls. “My son told me recently that his favorite thing was getting out early on Wednesdays and knowing my car was going to be outside the school waiting to pick him up. In a job where people assume I’m estranged from everything at home, you find a way to make the time you have, quality time.”

While his children aren’t directly following in Dad’s footsteps, they are interested in careers in entertainment. Williams’ describes his daughter as a performer, actress, vocalist, and improv comic. His son hopes to get into sports radio.
Williams is thankful that his daughter has a college degree and his son is in the midst of earning his. Not receiving his own college degree is probably the anchor’s biggest regret. “I didn’t even get a two-year Associates Degree,” he points out. “It’s a regret because you want to say to everybody ‘do as I say, not as I do.’ I happened to land in the one occupation where a degree, that piece of validation per se, isn’t really necessary. But I’m also in a very freakishly unique circumstance.”

He does, however, love to read and believes that his job is a master’s degree in itself. He enjoys Presidential history and American history and is sure to learn about the places he covers in the world. He is also a Bruce Springsteen fan, and recently filled in as a guest DJ for E Street Radio.

Read more in an upcoming issue of SJ Magazine (www.sjmagazine.net)

Take Advantage of Local Events

2010-07-14T08:53:00.000-04:00

Now that my kids are older, I don’t take advantage of our local township events as much as I used to. Yet, there are so many opportunities for free family fun, right in my own backyard. In the town where I live, free concerts are offered a half-dozen times throughout the summer, in addition to a town picnic, Halloween Parade, and Movies in the Park.

There are many advantages to bringing your family to these events. For one, they are free. Grab a blanket or beach chairs, some snacks, maybe some bug spray, and off you go. You will likely bump into neighbors you haven’t seen in a while and your kids will probably introduce you to their friends’ parents who you’ve maybe never met.

Watching all of the children dancing to the music is sweet and fun. Some of the music is actually pretty good, but even when it isn’t, it’s fun to dis it with friends and neighbors. Summer is a great time to slow down the pace, avoid the car, and chill out with your kids.

Most towns have websites that advertise all of their events. Google your town’s name and you should find their site easily. Enjoy!

Be a Parent First, Friend Second

2010-07-13T07:55:00.000-04:00

Summer is a wonderful time to spend fun, quality time with your kids. You aren’t rushing to get to school, or trying to fit a million activities into each day. Take advantage of this time to really get to know your children. Take the time to discover what they love, what they really don’t like, and what makes them tick. The more you and your children talk now, even about mundane topics, the more they will feel comfortable talking to you when the topics get stickier.

Yet, never forget that you are the parent, not a friend, and your children must understand that line of distinction.

This brings to mind a lunch I enjoyed with my 21 year old son. We sat at a table next to two acquaintances, a 13 year old girl and her mother. My son and I were having a great time, sharing stories, laughing, and enjoying each other’s company. While her mom and I were getting drinks, the young girl said to my son, “I know that’s your mom, but you act like friends.”
He told her that I am his mom but I’m his friend too. She was fascinated by that concept. She said, “I’m not friends with my mom. She doesn’t even know anything about me. She brought me water with lemon and I don’t even like lemon.”

Still fascinated by the concept, she asked him when he and his mother became friends. He told her that it was probably when he got older. She told him that her sister is 21 and her sister and her mother are definitely not friends.

As I thought about that conversation, I realized that is possible to be friends with your kids, as long as you parent first. My husband and I were fairly strict parents, and our kids knew the ground rules. As long as they stayed within the boundaries, we appreciated them for the people they became. There were certainly punishments along the way when our kids definitely didn’t consider us friends. But, there were never surprises. They knew the rules and they were aware of the consequences for breaking those rules.

Now, I am proud to consider my children friends. At 21 years old, my disciplining of my son is pretty much over. I can still provide advice and guide him through new experiences, but I adore the adult he’s become.

Managing Family Finances

2010-07-06T07:59:00.000-04:00

I spoke with Steve Cordasco, financial wizard and host of the radio show The Big Money on 1210 AM radio in Philadelphia. Here are a few of the tidbits he shared:

How can a family calculate how much money they should keep in savings?
I usually suggest keeping at least six months of your income in savings. If you have a job that’s vulnerable, keep one year of income in savings.

For someone with a job that may be at risk, how should they prepare in case the worst happens?
Cut their expenses down big time. Areas where you can do that include eating out less – food is your major component. Work hard to try to get your insurance costs down without giving up coverage, by shopping around. Reduce energy costs in your home by adjusting the thermostat. If you’re driving a long distance, get a carpool or take the train. Pack a lunch – you’d be surprised how much that cuts out.
If you have lost your job, what should your priorities be if you are unable to pay all your bills?
You should definitely communicate with the companies you have bills with and let them know what your situation is. Ask if there’s a way to negotiate an easier payment system. It’s never going to be one phone call. You need to be relentless. Today more and more companies are open to that, especially if you are proactive in doing it. Life necessity items must be paid – your health premiums, shelter, the things you need to live day to day, you need to pay first. They can turn the cable off and repossess the car, and you’ll still find a way to manage.

Part of the American dream is that each generation strives to be more successful than their parents. Is that changing for today’s young generation?
Ultimately, it may not be that the generation coming out of college has to have as much stuff as their parents. Maybe their quality of life will be something that’s much more simple than this craziness that you’ve got to have more. Maybe the mindset of letting people borrow and continue to buy even though they don’t have the money will shift with this generation. In the end, are they not doing as well as the generation before them? I would say they are probably going to be in a better place.

Enjoy a Safe 4th of July

2010-06-30T08:14:00.000-04:00

With the Independence Day holiday approaching, don’t forget important safety tips for your kids:

1. Steer clear of do-it-yourself fireworks. In most states, fireworks at home are illegal, primarily because they are dangerous. It is difficult to predict exactly where the hot ash will land. Many cities and municipalities offer firework displays that you can enjoy safely with your kids.
2. Cook-outs – Be sure to warn your little ones to steer clear of b-b-q grills. Whether charcoal or gas, remember they are ovens, and you wouldn’t let your child get too close to the oven.

3. Bike safety – Please be sure you and your children wear helmets every time you ride. Stay in designated bike paths whenever possible. If you must ride along traffic, be sure to follow traffic safety rules. Ride with the flow of traffic and obey signs and signals.
4. Suntan lotion – Remember to put the appropriate numbered sunscreen on your children. Generally 30 is sufficient but you can check with your pediatrician. Be sure to reapply after swimming or physical exertion, or simply every few hours while outside. Don’t let a cloudy sky fool you – the sun’s rays are still strong.

5. Water safety – Be sure to watch your young children in the pool or ocean at all times. Even experience swimmers can get cramps, or find themselves in a difficult current.

Happy Fourth of July!!

You and Your Kids Must Wear Bike Helmets, Even on Vacation

2010-06-28T08:50:00.000-04:00

I’ve noticed families enjoying bike rides together at the shore. While I applaud this healthy way to spend time together as a family, I am shocked by how many of them aren’t wearing helmets. For starters, it’s the law for kids to wear helmets (check out http://www.iihs.org/laws/mapbicyclehelmets.aspx for the law in your state.)

It’s as if parents believe that because they are on vacation, their children will somehow be protected. I find that nothing is further from the truth. At the beach, cars park far into intersections which makes it harder for cross traffic to see what’s coming. That means they have to jut out further just to see if the road is clear. At the same time, pedestrians are crossing and there is often chaos on the road. In some towns, bike paths are placed between parked cars and the roadway. I have witnessed a person opening his car door just as a biker was riding by.
Here are a few statistics from the Bicycle Helmet Safety Institute:
The "typical" bicyclist killed on our roads is a sober male over 16 not wearing a helmet riding on a major road between intersections in an urban area on a summer evening when hit by a car.

About 540,000 bicyclists visit emergency rooms with injuries every year. Of those, about 67,000 have head injuries, and 27,000 have injuries serious enough to be hospitalized.

Non-helmeted riders are 14 times more likely to be involved in a fatal crash than helmeted riders.

I believe that it is a parent’s responsibility to wear a helmet to teach her children that this is important. Why should a teenager wear a helmet when he’s grown up seeing his parents not wearing one? Lead by example and keep yourself and your children safe.

Happy biking!

How to Choose the Right Summer Reading Book

2010-06-22T07:51:00.000-04:00

For many families, those three words, Back to School, bring dread and despair. If your kids are past their preschool years, there's a good chance their summer reading book is still in the Borders bag and the packet of work they need to turn in next September is in a corner somewhere collecting dust. No worries.

Experts say that summer is all about family experiences that enrich children's lives and bring a broader understanding of the world around them. Visits to the library, the park, and even a ballgame provide shared experiences that are invaluable. Tomorrow's blog will talk more about that, but today I want to focus on summer reading, and share advice from Farrah Koonce, Principal of the Clara Barton Elementary School in Cherry Hill, NJ.

She suggests that there are many ways to keep students from regressing over the summer. “They should engage in some academic stimulation, whether it’s reading, writing, or mathematics,” explains Dr. Koonce. “They need to just be doing something to keep their brains active. Doing something to stimulate their brain is critical.”

For example, visit the library and help your child independently choose a book that interests her. Violeta Katsikis, Instructional Support Specialist at Clara Barton Elementary School, provides guidelines to help kids choose appropriate books. Ask yourself these questions. If the answer is YES, this book is probably a JUST – RIGHT book for you. JUST – RIGHT books help you learn the MOST because you can figure out most of the words and you can UNDERSTAND what’s going on in the book.

1. Is this an interesting book that you want to read?
2. Do you know the author or anything about the topic?
3. Can you tell another person what is happening in the story or
something you have learned?
4. Do you sometimes need to reread a part to understand it?
5. Are there just a few (2 or 3) words per page that you do not know?
6. When you read are most places smooth and some choppy?

Hopefully, you parents are reading, too. When kids see that their parents have a love for reading, it will make them that much more interested in trying it for themselves. And, they don't need to read novels. Experts agree that reading anything is good, be it comic books, magazines, or even the cereal box. It's amazing how much vocabulary kids can pick up by reading just about anything.

When my kids were younger, I often read their summer reading books. Many of them were wonderful, and it gave us a chance to discuss the book together.

Family Vacations are for the Parents as well as the Kids

2010-06-18T09:32:00.001-04:00

When planning your family vacation, you have probably devoted most of your energy toward scheduling things for your kids. You’ve diligently arranged mealtime, swim time, nap time, and sightseeing, with care and precision. What you probably haven’t done is scheduled time for you and your spouse, which is equally as important.

In our hectic lives, finding quality time with our spouse can be difficult. Vacations are a great time to rekindle the flame, even if you are with your kids. Most hotels offer babysitting services with certified sitters who come right to your hotel room. Or, if you can afford it, consider bringing a teenager from home to accompany your family on vacation. She can watch your kids when you and your spouse enjoy a date night.

I have been married almost 30 years and throughout our lives, my husband and I have always found a way to keep one night of our vacation for ourselves. Vacation is a time for carefree romance, and it’s important to take advantage of that. The kids are usually thrilled to have a night to watch a tv movie with a babysitter and they won’t even miss you!

Summer Family Fun - Field trips

2010-06-15T07:53:00.001-04:00

The kids are out of school and for most families, that means lots of free time. While that might seem overwhelming, I urge parents to use that time wisely and appreciate the opportunities that this free time offers.

There are so many places right in your own backyard that provide learning experiences that are fun for every age. Whether you visit the library, a local museum, park, or playground, take the time to enjoy your kids in different settings. Encourage conversation about the excursion. For starters, you will be teaching your children important life skills, such as observation, decision making, and how to carry on a conversation. But, you will also have the chance to learn about their areas of interest and what makes them tick, while giving them a stress-free chance to let loose and have fun.
The more kids are used to talking to their parents naturally about many topics of conversation, the more comfortable they will be talking about more difficult subjects as they arise. If you and your child have had many chances to share your thoughts and opinions, it will be much easier for her to come to you when she has a problem.

Also take advantage of good weather to enjoy physical activity with your children. If they see you are active and enjoy it, they will learn that from you. Ride bikes together (please don’t forget the helmets – if you don’t wear one, why should they?) Take walks, play badminton, enjoy a hike. Find something active to do with your kids.

Developing Preschoolers’ Language Skills

2010-06-11T08:39:00.000-04:00

The rate at which every child’s language skills develop differs, with some two year olds barely speaking while others are using full sentences. From the time they walk in the preschool classroom door at two, until they move on to elementary school at five or six, children learn not only how to articulate their needs, but they can also express their feelings to others, and feel comfortable speaking in front of a group.

There are many opportunities in preschool to practice these skills. In our three year old class, the children have several chances each week to practice public speaking. Every Monday during circle time, we pass our class mascot, Mr. Bear, from child to child. While a student is holding Mr. Bear, it is his turn to speak. He can tell us what he did over the weekend, or something else he’d like to share. Most children love this time, as holding Mr. Bear is a treat. Any child who is not holding the mascot understands that he needs to be quiet while another student is speaking. That helps the other children develop good listening skills. For children who are especially shy and not comfortable speaking to the group, they can give Mr. Bear a hug and pass him on to the next student without feeling the pressure to speak in front of the class.

The children have another opportunity to speak in front of the class when we have Show and Tell. Here again, we tailor the questions to the child. Some kids love to talk and are happy to go on and on. For those students, we try to ask more thought provoking questions. For example, if the Show and Tell theme was ‘something I used as a baby,’ and a child brought in a rattle, we might ask why he thinks babies enjoy rattles. Of course, there is no right or wrong answer. The point is to help them become comfortable speaking in front of other people. The children who are unable to speak in front of the group when the school year begins, almost always become comfortable by the year’s end.

If your child is especially shy in these instances, practice with him at home. Role-play what he might say when it is his turn in class. That little bit of practice goes a long way. Take advantage of mealtime to encourage your child to speak to you. Ask him what he did in school, or why he likes to play at his neighbor’s house. The more he practices speaking, the more comfortable he will feel. And don’t forget to listen to his answers. You will learn a great deal about your child through casual conversation.

Healthier Schools to Help Fight Childhood Obesity

2010-06-07T07:55:00.000-04:00

Last Thursday’s blog talked about Michelle Obama’s Let’s Move! campaign to combat childhood obesity. Part of that campaign urges schools to provide healthier meals for students. Many schools are making this a priority.

Deborah Zee, Director of Food Services for the Voorhees Township Board of Education, points out many changes that have made school lunches healthier. “We’ve done away with frying foods and we’ve introduced salads, deli, wraps, and a lot of fruits and vegetables,” she explains.

The Voorhees School System follows the state’s Model Nutrition guidelines, which are designed to combat childhood obesity. These schools have never offered sodas either in the cafeteria or in vending machines, and all foods, including french fries, are baked instead of fried. Grilled cheese sandwiches are made with whole grain bread. Dessert items are typically healthier choices such as whole grain cookies or smart choice popcorn. Pizza, the cafeteria’s most popular item, is now topped with turkey pepperoni.

Zee says that students have been receptive to changes in food offerings because changes are made gradually. This year she introduced brown rice to mixed reviews but she is planning to offer more whole grains next year. She also believes that healthier schools are not just about the food choices.

“We’ve joined in a district-wide move to encourage students to get a lot of physical activity with the emphasis on teaching children to make good choices,” she explains. “We also teach them about gardening to let them see how it goes from seed, to plant, to actual food. We have a Greenhouse Gang in the middle school where kids can plant fruit and vegetables and watch them grow.”
The trick to healthy eating must start when kids are very young, says Zee. While schools can offer healthy choices, it’s parents who must help their children create good eating habits even before they go to school.

“People have to realize that the current eating and behavior patterns that exist are dangerous,” concludes Dr. Gidding, MD, Cardiology Division Head of the Nemours Cardiac Center at A.I. Dupont Hospital for Children. “I think it’s easy for families to be overwhelmed by this problem, but they need to remember that it’s one step at a time and setting achievable goals is important.”

Help for Parents
With 70 recommendations, parents may struggle to even know where to begin. The Letsmove.gov website offers help to children, parents, teachers, doctors, coaches, the non-profit and business communities, and others in understanding the epidemic of childhood obesity and taking steps to combat it. Parents can learn step-by-step strategies and receive regular updates on how the federal government is working with partners to reach the national goal.

Solving the Problem of Childhood Obesity

2010-06-03T08:49:00.000-04:00

One out of every three children in the US is either overweight or obese, according to the White House Task Force on Childhood Obesity. First Lady Michelle Obama launched the Let's Move! campaign to solve the childhood obesity epidemic within a generation.

The goal is to return to a childhood obesity rate of just five percent by 2030, which was the norm before childhood obesity first began to rise in the late 1970s. Let’s Move! presents 70 specific recommendations and urges parents, healthcare professionals, and schools to work together.

“This is a social problem with large-scale proportions,” explains Sam Gidding, MD, Cardiology Division Head of the Nemours Cardiac Center at A.I. Dupont Hospital for Children. The campaign will offer parents the tools, support and information they need to make healthier choices for their families. Dr. Gidding encourages families to examine the recommendations and choose a few things that they can realistically work on.

“A very good goal is weight maintenance,” he says. “Don’t shoot for dramatic weight loss or rash solutions, but get into a regular dietary pattern that allows the child to achieve weight maintenance.”

Costs of Obesity
Childhood obesity leads directly to other health issues in children, including hypertension, Type II diabetes, orthopedic problems, cholesterol and lipid problems, and physical inactivity.

“The costs of obesity are already with us in pediatrics,” points out Dr. Gidding. “Kids aren’t able to participate in athletics at a level that you would normally associate with being young. A lot of kids have asthma and with the obesity epidemic their asthma is much worse than it needs to be.”

Many of these problems are reversible with lifestyle changes if attacked at an early age. “Once you get into your twenties, that’s when the problems will start to become irreversible,” suggests Dr. Gidding. “For the kids who have diabetes, some of the damage isn’t reversible but at least some of the consequences can be prevented. For the garden variety kid, a lot of the stuff can be undone if they get control of their weight.”

Healthier Choices
It’s up to parents to lead by example, to model appropriate lifestyle behaviors, says Charlotte Genetta, Outpatient Dietician for Virtua Centers for Nutrition and Diabetes.

The first step parents should take is to set specific times and places for eating. While it may not happen every night, kids should expect to sit down for a meal without other distractions. “Studies prove that the psychological health of the young child and teen is enhanced by family meal times,” explains Genetta. “This also conditions them to take their time eating.”

She encourages parents to empower their kids to make responsible decisions by giving them choices in what they eat. For example, by creating a family vegetable garden, children can take pride and ownership in what the family is eating. Radishes are a particularly good example because they are fully grown in only three weeks. Parents can also have their kids accompany them to the food store to choose healthy meals, such as fruit to be made into a smoothie.
“You really can’t manage weight effectively without addressing both diet and exercise,” says Genetta. She urges kids to get at least an hour of physical activity every day, yet, many families struggle to find time to fit exercise into their daily routine.

During the summer there are lots of ways kids can be physically active, even if it’s just walking or biking through the neighborhood. When planning vacations, be sure to include physical activities such as swimming or hiking. Even the Wii system has gained popularity for its physical games. Also, try to find active ways to introduce your kids to healthy foods. Strawberry picking or visiting a farm teach children where fresh food comes from which encourages good nutrition.

“Kids model parents,” Genetta says. “If the kids see that mom and dad find exercise enjoyable, they will also view it that way. That’s important. You don’t want them feeling that exercise is akin to homework. It should be pleasurable movement through space. At every age there is something that can be done with movement.”

For severely overweight children, Dr. Gidding points out that exercise should be a weight maintenance strategy, not a weight loss strategy. “They want to get to a point where regular physical activity is part of everyday existence and they have to remember that the importance of exercise is a way to be healthier and be able to achieve weight maintenance,” he says. “But weight loss can’t be achieved without a dramatic reduction in how much the kids are eating.”

Genetta believes that parents should not restrict calories for their children unless the child is above the 95th percentile for their body mass index. Lifestyle changes in diet and exercise will help children grow into their weight. Kids will become more physically toned by losing fat and gaining muscle.

“A lot of kids are way over the 95th percentile,” she points out. “In that case, you have to restrict calories. It depends on the child’s age and how overweight they are.”

Visit Ulster County, New York

2010-06-01T08:36:00.001-04:00

Looking for an unusual vacation spot for your family? Check out Ulster County, NY. Situated in the Mid-Hudson Valley region, about 90 miles north of New York City off Highway 87, Ulster County’s most famous town is Woodstock. It is also home to the Catskill Park and Reserve. To limit your drive time, consider staying in one of the region’s southern towns, such as New Paltz, or at the family-friendly Rocking Horse Ranch in Highland. www.ulstercountyalive.com

*Take a ride on the Catskill Mountain Railroad. Trains depart from Empire State Railway Museum in Phoenicia for the most scenic railroad this side of the Rocky Mountain Golden Nugget Pass. www.catskillmtrailroad.com

*Visit Forsyth Nature Center, an interpretive nature center located in the heart of uptown Kingston. Enjoy 15 animal exhibits, 5 gardens, and fun environmental and nature based programs. www.forsythnaturecenter.org

*Pet a pig at one of two animal sanctuaries that take in abandoned, abused and discarded animals. Visit Catskill Animal Sanctuary in Saugerties or Woodstock Farm Animal Sanctuary in Willow. www.casanctuary.org www.woodstocksanctuary.org

*Enjoy activities for the whole family at Rocking Horse Ranch. Horseback riding is geared to riders of all ages and levels. There’s so much more to do, though, at this all-inclusive resort, from nightly entertainment to water sports. www.rockinghorseranch.com

*A Hidden Gem!! Hike to the Ice Caves at Sam's Point Preserve, 5,000-acres in the northern Shawangunk Mountains. Trails lead to Sam’s Point, Verkeerderkill Falls, the Ice Caves, High Point and Indian Rock. www.nature.org/samspoint

More Family Fun Vacations

2010-05-25T08:22:00.000-04:00

Pocono Mountains, Pennsylvania
The Pocono Mountains region is home to rolling mountain terrain, breathtakingly beautiful waterfalls, and thriving woodlands. Family fare includes a bustling animal park, waterpark, and a candy and pretzel making factory. www.800poconos.com

*Check out the Camelbeach Waterpark, an outdoor park featuring 22 rides, a wave pool and FlowRider. A new find!! Be sure to try out the recently opened Pharaoh's Phortress Family Play Structure. www.camelbeach.com

*See candy being made daily at Callies Candy Kitchen & Pretzel Factory. You can also learn to make your own pretzels! www.calliescandy.com

*Enjoy the Wildlife Adventures Show at Claws-n-Paws Wild Animal Park, a zoo nestled in the woods with over 120 species of wild animals. www.clawsnpaws.com

* Situated in the pristine Northeast Pocono Mountains lake region, Woodloch Resort is like a cruise on land. All-inclusive packages include endless family-oriented activities, entertainment, and amenities. www.woodlock.com

* Find affordable family fun ($8 per person) at the Wayne County Fair. Enjoy live monster truck show, thrill shows, truck, tractor and horse pulls, fireworks, livestock exhibits and more. August 7-August 15. www.waynecountyfair.com

Enjoy!

More Family Vacation Ideas

2010-05-21T07:12:00.000-04:00

Pennsylvania Dutch Country
In the heart of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, delve into the Amish culture, sample chocolate, and become a scientist. www.padutchcounty.com

*Visit the Amish Village to explore the history and modern customs of the quaint community in a village setting, complete with one-room schoolhouse, blacksmith shop, livestock, and much more. www.theamishvillage.net

*Explore the delicious sights, sounds, smells, and eats of the Central Market, America’s oldest operating farmer’s dating back to the 1730s in downtown Lancaster. www.centralmarketlancaster.com

*Many parents know about Hersheypark, but did you know that ZooAmerica is celebrating its 100th birthday this year? Check out The Ranger Scratch Kids Club and centennial celebration events. www.zooamerica.com

* Make science fun at the Lancaster Science Factory. A new find! Through exhibits, work stations, and mini-labs, children can experiment and create as they learn the principles of science in engineering and technology. www.lancastersciencefactory.org

* Enjoy a 45-minute ride on the Strasburg Rail Road, America’s oldest short-line railroad circa 1832. Across the road is the Railroad Museum of Pennsylvania, an incredible collection of historic locomotives and vintage railroad cars. Extra-value combo tickets are available for the two properties. www.strasburgrailroad.com www.rrmuseumpa.org

Great Family Trip Ideas - Baltimore

2010-05-19T09:36:00.000-04:00

Looking for a great two-day family getaway? Check out Baltimore, Maryland, a vibrant city known for its historic harbor and white marble steps. www.baltimore.org, and the place where I was born and raised!

*Fort McHenry – Visit the brick fort that inspired Francis Scott Key to pen the Star Spangled Banner. www.baltimore.org/arts-and-culture/fort-mchenry

*Take a walk down memory lane from the late 1700s to present day at Geppi’s Entertainment Museum where pop culture comes to life for children of all ages. Revisit favorite characters from Spiderman to Barbie as they evolved from the familiar icons of yesterday to the heroes of today. www.geppismuseum.com
*Marble Steps – See Baltimore’s trademark rowhouses with white marble steps during a leisurely stroll through the charming neighborhoods in Fell’s Point, Federal Hill and Patterson Park. www.kilduffs.com/Homes.html

*The National Aquarium in Baltimore features stunning exhibits and more than 11,000 aquatic animals. Check out the lauded new addition–4D Immersion Theatre. www.aqua.org

*Seadog III – A New Find!! Experience the thrill and excitement of speedboat tours at the Inner Harbor. Sightseeing and speedboat tours leave from the Inner Harbor, past Fort McHenry and out to the Key Bridge and back. www.seadogcruises.com/Baltimore/home

I’ll have other city ideas over the next few days.

Early Intervention for Speech Issues

2010-05-13T08:15:00.000-04:00

There are two children in my three year old class with speech issues. One is a very bright, articulate little girl who garbles her words and uses letter replacements. While her parents think it’s “adorable,” I recommend they take her to a speech therapist. The other child is a soft-spoken boy who is shy about speaking, especially to adults.

At three years old, a speech problem can be adorable. However, there are many things that can start to happen to a child who cannot be understood by others, and they are far from cute. An outspoken child who is forced to repeat herself all the time can get frustrated. At some point, she may find it easier to simply keep her thoughts to herself.

I have also witnessed peers who make fun of a child for pronouncing words incorrectly, especially when their deficiency makes a word sound completely different. For example, the child couldn’t say his “r’s” so when he meant to say “heard” it came out as “hid.” Another, less sensitive child announced that what he said didn’t make any sense. That was embarrassing, even to a three year old.
When my own son was about four, we were told that he’d grow out of his speech deficiencies. Yet, my husband and I felt that he was a sponge at that point in his life, soaking up information everywhere he went. We thought that he would catch on quickly to speech therapy at a young age, and that we could nip the problem in the bud. Our instincts were right.

He had about nine months of speech therapy which he actually enjoyed. They played games during his sessions, and his homework involved blowing bubbles, whistles, and into straws. It was never a chore. He entered kindergarten speaking beautifully. In fourth grade, I noticed that one of his classmates was still struggling with certain sounds. That reaffirmed that our decision to get our son early intervention was the correct one.

Tips to Teach Your Toddler How to Dress Herself

2010-05-11T08:01:00.000-04:00

In our preschool class, we wear smocks for messy projects. Our goal by the end of the school year is that every child can put the smock on and take it off herself. Our smocks are old large t-shirts, so it’s just a matter of whether or not the child knows how to get dressed by herself.

This is an important lesson to teach your toddler by about the age of three. The child learns many skills, including how to navigate sleeve holes, buttons, and even which shoe belongs on which foot. But, it also teaches her independence, and a sense of accomplishment that she got dressed by herself. The icing on the cake is the time that is freed up in your morning routine, not having to dress her yourself.

Part of this process involves allowing her to choose her own clothes. That’s not always easy. We had one little girl in our class who wore the same pink dress to school every day for two months. She insisted on wearing it because it was her favorite, and her mother chose not to fight that battle every morning. Eventually, her mother took her shopping and allowed her to pick out several new outfits. That at least expanded her repertoire.
If you want some control over what your child wears, you can offer her choices.
Before she goes to bed at night, let her choose between two outfits that you have selected. Giving her the choice makes her feel more independent, and by doing it the night before, she can take her time in making the decision. But, if your daughter hates to wear dresses, having her choose between two different dresses will probably not fly. You must take her tastes into consideration, as well. As much as you might wish she’d wear a dress, the choices will need to be pants outfits.

The bottom line is that she is capable of dressing herself, and this is an important skill to begin teaching her.

Mean Girls and Rude Boys

2010-05-07T13:02:00.000-04:00

I don’t know what happens between ages 3 and 6, but something within some children’s personalities goes horribly wrong. I have taught 3 and 4 year olds who were the sweetest, kindest, most generous souls. I could only imagine glowing futures for these angels who I was proud to teach, observe, and nurture for a short time in their lives.

Flash forward to kindergarten and some of my little angels have drastically changed. The girls are mean, spiteful, and fresh. The boys are just plain rude. They are not nice to each other, and disrespectful to their teachers and parents.

Recently, I witnessed one of my three year old darlings stand up from her seat when another little girl sat next to her. She made a face of disgust and moved to sit with another child instead. I was heartbroken. I flashed forward two short years to when she’s in kindergarten and becomes a mean girl.

I would like to offer words of wisdom of how we can ensure that this doesn’t happen, but I don’t have a proven recipe. In this case, I spoke with the child about what I had witnessed and how she hurt her classmate’s feelings. I explained that she doesn’t have to be friends with everyone, but she has to be kind and respectful to everyone. How would she feel if someone treated her that way?
I urge parents to continue to demonstrate appropriate behaviors that their children can learn from. When your child hears you or a sibling making fun of someone else, she learns how to be mean. When a parent is rude to her spouse or a friend, she is teaching her child how to be rude.

It takes hard work to demonstrate kindness, patience, and understanding of others. You are your child’s primary teacher and you are the on the first line of defense in keeping your little angels sweet throughout their lives. Let’s at least work harder to get past kindergarten.

How to Get your Kids to Taste Healthy Foods

2010-05-04T07:29:00.000-04:00

I'm big on walking the walk...not just talking the talk. Parents must lead by example and it's really hard to know just how to do that. Today, I'll talk about how you can get your kids to try new foods and make healthy choices.

Too often, a child says she doesn’t like something without ever trying it. I feel that parents do a great disservice to their children by not encouraging them to taste an array of foods. Some parents cook one meal for themselves and something else for the children because the kids will only eat chicken fingers, pizza or macaroni and cheese. Once the children get into the habit of demanding such a limited menu, it will be more difficult for them to want to try new things as they get older.

Also, those old standbys are not nearly as healthy as other foods, including fish, poultry that isn’t fried, and fresh fruit and vegetables. If you give your child the same meal that everyone else in the family is enjoying, and you refuse to make a separate dish for just that child, she will realize that she has to try it. Sometimes adding ketchup or another sauce that can change the food’s flavor will make it more appetizing. But, if you tell her she has to eat what everyone else is eating, and then if she refuses, you make her macaroni and cheese anyway, she will learn that she doesn’t have to try new foods.

Every Wednesday in our classroom we have healthy snack day, and one parent brings in a healthy treat for the class. We’ve enjoyed everything from fresh fruit salad to cream cheese on celery, to frozen yogurt. We try very hard to encourage every child to taste whatever the snack is. If they try it and don’t like it, we’ll give them pretzels, which is our old standby that everyone seems to like. But if we offer them two types of snacks and they refuse to taste either, they have made the choice to skip snack that day.

Here’s a story that happened in school. One day we made ‘Stone Soup’ in class after reading the story by the same name. Of course, we skipped the stone, but we put in carrots, onions, potatoes, tomatoes, alphabet noodles and seasoning. Every child tasted the soup, and most of them enjoyed it. When Becky’s mother picked her up that day, she was certain that her daughter had refused to taste the soup. To her surprise, we told her that Becky had eaten every drop. Her mother insisted that Becky would never touch a vegetable at home, and wondered what we did to get her to eat vegetable soup.

Part of the appeal was the fact that Becky helped make the soup. We gave each child a plastic knife and we softened the carrots and potatoes enough that the children were able to cut through them. Every child also had a turn to stir the soup. But Becky also knew that we expected her to at least taste the soup. As the other children around her were enjoying it, she realized that it was okay to like it.

If you offer your child the foods that the rest of your family is eating, she has two choices – she can taste them, or she can be hungry. At some point, her hunger will force her to find something on the table that she’s willing to eat. But, if you give in and make mac and cheese and chicken nuggets for every meal, your child will never learn to eat new and healthy foods.

Teaching Your Children How to do Basic Chores at Home

2010-04-30T08:00:00.000-04:00

I’ve been asked a lot about how to teach kids to do jobs at home, so I’m rerunning this post.
I had no idea how many parents don't teach their children the most basic household chores. I'm at my son's soccer tournament, a place where there is so much downtime that his teammates' parents become best temporary friends rather quickly. These are all terrific people....well educated, hard working, loving parents. Yet, when we got into the discussion of our kids doing their own laundry, most admitted that their 15 and 16 year olds were clueless in this area.

That was surprising to me. Kids can and should learn how to do basic chores, including the laundry, making their beds, setting the table, taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, and even cooking an occassional meal. Eventually they will go off to college and get their own homes, and this stuff won't just come through osmosis.

How hard is doing laundry? You only need to show them how to separate out clothes the way you like to, find the appropriate settings, turn on the water and pour in the soap. There are many advantages to having your children helping out with the laundry....not only will it be an important lifelong skill, but when they become teenagers who insist that their "perfect" jeans or special new t-shirt mustn't shrink, they can take responsibility for hanging it up instead of throwing it in the dryer.

Parents need to teach their children how to survive on their own. There's enough stress for a kid when he goes away to school for the first time, learning how to care for himself shouldn't be a new experience.

Tips to Prepare Your Toddler for a New Sibling

2010-04-27T07:50:00.001-04:00

You are about to add a new sibling to your growing family. It doesn’t matter how many kids you already have, the new arrival will shake things up. Consider these tips to help make the changes a positive experience for everyone.

1. Pay attention to timing. Choosing when to announce your great news to your other kids depends on each child’s age. If you aren’t showing yet, your two year old won’t understand what you are trying to explain. In addition, nine months is practically half his lifetime and much too long to know about your impending pregnancy. Once you are about five months along, he can actually see your bulge where the baby is and that’s enough time for him to get used to the news.

2. Make sure that you include other siblings in your pregnancy. When the baby kicks, let your children feel it. This will point out that a real person is growing inside you. Encourage your kids to be involved in setting up the nursery and thinking up baby names. It’s vital that they feel part of the process.

3. Find ways to make your other kids feel important. Choose times to spend with each child individually before the baby arrives, to let each one know he is special. Be sure the older sibling understands how much you will rely on his help when the baby is born. The little baby will need to learn so much from his big brother and you know that he will be a caring, loving older brother.

4. When it’s time to hand things down from an older sibling to the new baby, be sure to ask the older child’s permission. Let’s start with his crib. Talk to your toddler about how excited you are that he is now old enough to leave the crib for a new big boy bed. Encourage him to take ownership of his new bed, by helping you choose sheets, pillows and blankets. He should be out of the crib at least a full month before the baby arrives. By then, when he’s used to his new bed, you can ask him if the new baby can now sleep in his old crib. It’s important that you make him feel important and special to be sharing his bed with his new sibling.

5. Remember to find time for your other kids after the baby is born. Naturally, the focus will be on the new arrival, but it’s important to remind your older children that they are important to you and you appreciate their help during this busy time. Many times, company will visit with gifts for the new baby, and often for the siblings, too. If they forget the other kids, it’s a good idea to have a stash of small things that you can bring out for them to remind them that they are special. Wait until the company leaves, and then offer the kids a coloring book, puzzle or something similar as a thank you for being so understanding. When the baby sleeps, try to spend some quality time with the other kids.

6. Be sure to encourage all of your kids to enjoy and appreciate one another. The more your family grows, the more important it will be that they all get along and truly love one another. Sibling rivalry will happen, but encourage the kids to work as a team, instead of feeling like they must complete for your time and attention.

Congratulations on your new bundle of joy! It’s only natural that when the new baby is born, you will be tired and your house will be chaotic. Preparation will make the transition smoother for everyone.

Encourage the Three R’s Through Fun

2010-04-22T08:56:00.000-04:00

During the summer, nobody wants to be tied to reading lists or worksheets. Yet, we need to keep our kids’ minds sharp. Consider these easy, relaxing tips in your everyday life.

Reading:
• Let your children read things other than books, including comic strips, cereal boxes, and magazines.
• Choose library books based on your child’s interests.
• Be sure kids are reading at their appropriate reading level so they don’t get frustrated.
Writing:
• Have them write letters, or e-mails, to Grandma or another relative or friend, sharing some of their summer experiences.
• Let the kids write out the week’s shopping list for the grocery store.
• Encourage them to keep a private journal where they can write about whatever they want.
Arithmetic:
• Let your kids help you cook and bake, allowing them to read the recipe and do the measuring.
• Have the kids count out money at the store, and figure out what the change will be.
• Give them a budget and let them do the shopping.

The Fun Family Way to Keep Kids’ Minds Sharp this Summer

2010-04-19T08:13:00.000-04:00

It may seem like the minute your kids walk out the school doors for summer recess, their brains begin to drain. Not so, say many educators and parents, who believe that summer family experiences can be very educational. It turns out the family experiences you enjoy during the summer are actually great tools to keep your kids’ brains sharp.

Grace Wadell, the mother of four kids aged six to fifteen in the Radnor PA school system, is a firm believer in creating a summer to-do list. “On the first day of summer break we all sit down at the kitchen table and I ask them to give me a list of everything they want to do this summer,” she explains.

That list is varied given the kids’ range in ages and interests, and might include things like making ice cream from scratch, going to the shore, or visiting a museum. Together they choose the ones they want to do, and turn them into enjoyable learning experiences.

Wadell uses each experience as the centerpiece for learning more about a particular subject. For example, one summer the family visited the Franklin Institute, so she enrolled them into a science camp to tie in with the trip. She also took them to the library where they checked out books about science-related subjects.
Field Trips
Unfortunately, school field trips are often the first thing to go when budgets are cut. Summer provides the perfect opportunity for families to visit the zoo, museums, and parks. Even everyday errands to the grocery store and dry cleaner can be educational and fun. There are dozens of fun, affordable, and educational day trip opportunities in Philadelphia. Check out http://daytripplans.com and www.fieldtrip.com for suggestions.

“Think of the common experiences that we have as parents that our children can benefit from,” suggests Valarie Lee, Assistant Professor of Reading at Rowan University. “If you’re going to the hardware store or laundromat, think of all the opportunities there are for measuring, sorting, and counting.”

Take the things you do every day and view them from the perspective of a child. “How can I help my child understand how to make a prediction from this, how to ask questions, how to use math skills and literacy skills,” says Lee. “Use those everyday experiences that we take for granted.”

Lee points out that in school, language is an area where many students suffer, so the more parents can talk to your children about what you’re doing, the better. For example, in the grocery store, have your child read the word milk off the shopping list and then let her find the word on the carton. Once the milk is in the cart, she can scratch it off the list.

Summer is also a great time to encourage your kids to volunteer and give back to the community. According to Carolyn Zogby, Director of Curriculum and Instruction for the Red Clay Consolidated School District, “Community service contributes to healthy development.”

For suggestions on things your kids can do to volunteer, visit www.volunterrmatch.org.

Bike Helmet Laws and Why Kids Hate to Wear Bike Helmets

2010-04-12T08:19:00.000-04:00

Here we go again…another Spring and another battle with my kids to wear bike helmets. While my oldest two are in college where I can’t nag them or keep tabs, my 16 year old is still living with me. He swears he’s the only kid he knows who has to wear a helmet and he admits that he hardly rides his bike because he hates to be embarrassed by the helmet.

What I don’t understand is why I’m the only mother in town who makes her kids wear a helmet. If they were all wearing them, they wouldn’t hate them. They only refuse because it falls so low on the “cool meter” that it’s completely embarrassing.

Most states enforce bike helmet laws for kids under 14 years old, but not for teenagers. Check out http://www.iihs.org/laws/mapbicyclehelmets.aspx for the law in your state. Yet, to me, every bike rider should wear a helmet and age shouldn’t matter. I know several adults who have had biking accidents. Fortunately, by the time we’re adults we don’t care how cool we look, just how safe we are.

My kids were never allowed to ride without a helmet at any age, a family rule that caused much fighting during their formative teenage years. My one son was even pulled over by the police on several occasions, and rewarded with a coupon for a free ice cream cone because he was wearing a helmet. How devastating for a 14 year old! His friends didn't have to wear a helmet and he was mortified to be the only one who did.
Here are a few statistics from the Bicycle Helmet Safety Institute:
The "typical" bicyclist killed on our roads is a sober male over 16 not wearing a helmet riding on a major road between intersections in an urban area on a summer evening when hit by a car.

About 540,000 bicyclists visit emergency rooms with injuries every year. Of those, about 67,000 have head injuries, and 27,000 have injuries serious enough to be hospitalized.

Non-helmeted riders are 14 times more likely to be involved in a fatal crash than helmeted riders.

If your child learns to ride a bike and part of that lesson includes the fact that she must wear a helmet, she will recognize that this is part of bike riding forever. Being cool is not nearly enough of a trade-off compared to the risks of not wearing a helmet.

Tips for Choosing Summer Reading Books

2010-04-07T08:10:00.000-04:00

For many families, those three words, Back to School, bring dread and despair. If your kids are past their preschool years, there's a good chance their summer reading book is still in the Borders bag and the packet of work they need to turn in next September is in a corner somewhere collecting dust. No worries.

Experts say that summer is all about family experiences that enrich children's lives and bring a broader understanding of the world around them. Visits to the library, the park, and even a ballgame provide shared experiences that are invaluable. Tomorrow's blog will talk more about that, but today I want to focus on summer reading, and share advice from Farrah Koonce, Principal of the Clara Barton Elementary School in Cherry Hill.

She suggests that there are many ways to keep students from regressing over the summer. “They should engage in some academic stimulation, whether it’s reading, writing, or mathematics,” explains Dr. Koonce. “They need to just be doing something to keep their brains active. Doing something to stimulate their brain is critical.” For example, visit the library and help your child independently choose a book that interests her. Violeta Katsikis, Instructional Support Specialist at Clara Barton Elementary School, provides guidelines to help kids choose appropriate books. Ask yourself these questions. If the answer is YES, this book is probably a JUST – RIGHT book for you. JUST – RIGHT books help you learn the MOST because you can figure out most of the words and you can UNDERSTAND what’s going on in the book.

1. Is this an interesting book that you want to read?
2. Do you know the author or anything about the topic?
3. Can you tell another person what is happening in the story or
something you have learned?
4. Do you sometimes need to reread a part to understand it?
5. Are there just a few (2 or 3) words per page that you do not know?
6. When you read are most places smooth and some choppy?

Hopefully, you parents are reading, too. When kids see that their parents have a love for reading, it will make them that much more interested in trying it for themselves. And, they don't need to read novels. Experts agree that reading anything is good, be it comic books, magazines, or even the cereal box. It's amazing how much vocabulary kids can pick up by reading just about anything.

When my kids were younger, I often read their summer reading books. Many of them were wonderful, and it gave us a chance to discuss the book together.

Check out the August issue of SJ Magazine for more tips on things you can do with your kids this summer to make school even more successful next fall. The most important thing is to spend time doing activities together.

A Miracle Field of Dreams

2010-04-05T08:51:00.000-04:00

The crack of the bat, cheers from the stands, and smell of hotdogs are obvious signs that a baseball game is taking place. It’s not until you notice a young boy rounding first base in his wheelchair that you realize this isn’t any ordinary little league game. As its name implies, this field truly is a miracle for hundreds of athletes with mental and/or physical challenges who can now enjoy America’s favorite pastime.

For most of our kids, playing sports is an important part of life, not just for them but for the whole family. For children with physical or mental disabilities, it is often difficult to take advantage of this wonderful outlet. Fortunately, for kids in one of the 200 towns in the US and Puerto Rico with a Miracle League, playing baseball is easy, and lots of fun.

“It’s really about giving all kids a chance to enjoy the camaraderie that comes from playing on a team when they’re playing sports,” explains Senator Stephen M. Sweeney, who spearheaded a field in Gloucester County, NJ. “These kids get the thrill, like any other kid, of getting to hit a ball and round the bases, whether it’s someone pushing you in a wheelchair, or using a walker, it’s just having fun.”

The Miracle League Organization which believes that every child deserves a chance to play baseball, including those with physical disabilities. The kids wear the uniforms of Major League Baseball teams and use special bats and balls. The field has its own scoreboard and the players get to hear their names announced. Buddies are available to assist players when necessary.

“It’s a nice mesh with traditional Little League,” says Fred Keating, Director of Education and Disability Services, Gloucester County. “These are children who would have never had the opportunity to play ball. They watch it on TV, maybe go to a Phillies game, talk about it at home and may watch a brother or sister play. But they wouldn’t have gotten the opportunity to put on a glove and a jersey, go on the field and have people cheer them.”

Adds Senator Sweeney, “It’s a real baseball league. These kids go to practice, they learn how to hit and throw and catch. They’ve been given an opportunity to be in a league of their own with a special field to play on.”

JJ Golick, an 11 year old slugger from Waterford, has been diagnosed with Asperger’s Disease and other related issues. He tried playing baseball in regular Little League, but found it too challenging. “I love baseball,” says the first baseman. “I love being able to get another chance to play. In this league we have the buddies that pitch great, and there’s no pressure. I love to hit home runs!”

Adds his mother, Denise, “This field means everything. My son, having special needs, wasn’t capable of getting the help that he would need on the baseball field. For him to be able to play a game that he absolutely loves has been amazing. It was truly inspiring to see the smile on his face as he hit the ball over the fence. It really brought him to life and brought back a love of sports for him that had kind of died here in town because he couldn’t play.” The facility is 14,900 square feet, including the dugouts. The field is an asphalt playing surface made to Little League dimensions, and allows for handicapped accessibility. It is covered with a rubberized surface that provides color to the field, is durable, and offers a degree of safety.

Miracle Field is being enjoyed year-round by other kids in addition to the Miracle League, including the school kids at Bankbridge Elementary School who use it during the day to accommodate Adaptive Physical Education, therapy, and recreation. Camden County recently made a financial contribution to partner in the project, and will bring in other teams to compete. The field is also open to the community and will be available to host Special Olympics events.

“Watching smiles on children and their parents is just a wonderful feeling,” says Senator Sweeney. “It’s something I’m really proud of.”

Tips for Successful Potty Training

2010-03-31T08:43:00.000-04:00

The mother of a three and a half year old little boy was upset because her son still wasn't potty trained. He didn’t even seem to have any interest in getting rid of his diapers. I promised her that he would be potty trained by his wedding day! Seriously though, for most every toddler, this is a problem that seems huge at the time, but will quickly be settled.

The American Academy of Pediatrics says there is no set age when toilet training should start. They suggest that the right time depends on a child's psychological and physical development. Children between 18 and 24 months often start showing signs of being ready, but there are some children who may not be ready until 30 months or older. The American Academy of Pediatrics also advises parents that if their child resists strongly, they will be better off waiting for a while.

Don’t be discouraged if you have a head-strong 3 1/2 year old, because there are some things you can try. Take your child to the local store that sells underwear with characters on it. Visit the underwear aisle and explain that he is a big boy now, and big boys are very lucky because only they can wear big boy underwear. Tell your son that he is especially lucky because you brought him to Target, or whatever the store is that you chose, where they have lots of underwear to choose from. He can pick whatever he wants.... Batman, Power Rangers, Spiderman, Bob the Builder, etc.

When you get home, let him try on his new underpants. If he can stay dry for an entire hour, he can wear them all day. Be sure he uses the potty first, to help him stay dry for the full hour. At the end of that hour, remind him to use the toilet again, and try for another hour.

He can also help you create a sticker chart that you hang on the refrigerator. Each time he successfully uses the toilet, he can help you place a sticker on the chart. When he reaches ten stickers, he has earned a special treat, such as a trip to the movies, a small toy, lunch at a restaurant, etc. If he isn’t successful at first, try to understand his state of mind. What do you think happened? Was he involved in a TV show or other activity? Is he just really not ready, in spite of the new cool underwear? If it's the former and he really wants to try again, let him. Maybe shorten the time frame to a half hour, reminding him at that point to try to use the potty. If you sense that he just really isn't ready, don't push it. Explain that you'll wash the underwear and put it in his room, and you'll try again in a week.

Odds are that some of his friends are already trained. Try to encourage a play date where he'll see them use the toilet. That alone might be enough to spark his interest. By 3 1/2, when he decides he's ready he will probably catch on very quickly. He most likely does not have a bladder control issue, it’s just that he needs to decide for himself when he's ready.

When the weather is warm, take advantage of it as a great time to train, because you can be outdoors where it's easier to clean up accidents. Potty training is hard work but you have to be consistent.

Summer Car Safety

2010-03-30T08:17:00.000-04:00

Along with warmer weather, longer days, and more lazy time spent outdoors, comes safety concerns for our children. Here are a couple of tips related to cars:

Hot Cars – Never leave a child unattended in a car, especially in the summer. The temperature inside a car can reach dangerous levels, even in moderate weather with the windows slightly down. Besides the risk of heat stroke, a child could place the car in gear, get caught in a closing power window, or even be abducted. Warn your children about playing in or around cars, including the trunk. If your car isn’t equipped with a trunk release, you can install one, to ensure that a child can’t get stuck inside the trunk.
Car Seats – More than half of all U.S. states require kids to use child safety or booster seats through age 8 to reduce the risk of injuries in car crashes. A new poll by C.S. Mott children’s Hospital finds that while nearly all parents report their kids, ages 5 and younger, use booster or car seats, the number drops sharply to 40 percent by age 8. To keep your child safe, reduce the risk of injuries to the spine, head, and abdomen, be sure to follow these guidelines.

Have an enjoyable, and safe, summer with your kids!

Lawn Mower Safety for Kids

2010-03-26T07:58:00.001-04:00

Whether you have a teenager who is ready to earn some bucks mowing lawns this summer, or toddlers who play outside in the yard, it’s important to be aware of important safety tips around lawn mowers.

To keep younger children safe when the lawn is being mowed, make sure that they are a safe distance well away from the area that is being mowed. Be sure that no toys are left out on the lawn while it’s being mowed. A child might run to grab the toy, and at that moment something could fly from the mower and hit the child. Or, the person mowing the lawn could inadvertently run over the toy, sending bits flying out of the mower. Never allow children to ride as passengers on ride-on mowers or garden tractors. It may look cute to see your little guy on dad’s lap atop the big mower, but there’s a risk the child could fall off and get hurt.
Deciding the appropriate age for your child to begin mowing the lawn can be subjective. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that children should be at least 12 years of age to operate a walk-behind power mower or hand mower, and 16 to operate a riding mower safely. You need to determine your child’s maturity, good judgment, strength and coordination for the job at hand. Show your child how to mow the lawn properly and safely and supervise until you are sure that he or she is able to do it alone.

Keep Kids Safe Around Swimming Pools

2010-03-24T08:15:00.000-04:00

Each year about 250 children under the age of 5 drown in swimming pools, according to the Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC). If you own a pool, install physical barriers, such as a fence or wall, at least 4 feet high completely around it. Be sure that the gates are self-closing and self-latching, and position latches so that they are out of reach of small children. Many children wear swimmies or other floatation devices in the pool, yet those can never replace adult supervision. Also, do not assume that young children cannot drown because they have had swimming lessons.

Remove toys from in and around the pool when it is not in use, as toys can attract young children to the pool. If a child is missing, always look first in the pool. Seconds count! Keep rescue equipment and a phone by the pool, and learn CPR in case of an emergency.

Summer Sun Safety for Your Kids

2010-03-23T07:47:00.000-04:00

Summer has finally arrived with lots of promise for fun in the sun with the kids. As you enjoy spending more time outdoors, be sure to keep your kids safe from the potential dangers that can be caused by the sun. We now know that childhood sunburns are the ones that cause skin cancer later in life. Be smart now to avoid potential problems later.

The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends that parents dress infants in lightweight long pants, long-sleeved shirts, and brimmed hats that shade the neck to prevent sunburn. If that isn’t possible, apply a minimal amount of sunscreen with at least 15 SPF (sun protection factor) to the infant’s face and back of the hands.

For young children, apply sunscreen at least 30 minutes before going outside, and use sunscreen even on cloudy days. The SPF should be at least 15 and protect against UVA and UVB rays. Have older children wear a hat with a three-inch brim or a bill facing forward, sunglasses (that block 99-100% of ultraviolet rays,) and cotton clothing with a tight weave. Try to limit sun exposure during the peak intensity hours, between 10 am and 4 pm, and use a sunscreen with an SPF of 15 or greater. You should apply about one ounce of sunscreen at a time and repeat every two hours or after swimming or sweating.

Helping Teens With Cancer

2010-03-19T08:09:00.000-04:00

The way we choose our friends usually happens randomly. They are neighbors or our kids go to school together, or there is some common connection that binds us. That is how we met the DiNatales, a family who faced tragedy, and then found the strength to make life better for others who share their pain. Today, teenagers with cancer and other serious illnesses can still enjoy things that healthy teens experience, thanks to Alicia DiNatale, a 17 year old who tragically passed away in 2002.

While Alicia was spending long stretches in the hospital for cancer treatment, she realized that there was very little for people her age to do to pass their time. More than 50 hospitals nationwide are now equipped with Teen Centers, created by the Alicia Rose Victorious Foundation (ARVF), to carry out Alicia’s legacy.

When Alicia was in the hospital, she noticed that there was a place for little kids to watch TV or color, with tiny chairs and cartoon character decorations. Yet, there was no place for teens who often spent countless hours and days alone in their hospital rooms. She wished there was a space for teens to go to use the internet, watch movies, and just hang out with friends. “Alicia just wanted to live, have fun, create and make a difference,” explains her mother, Gisele, Co-Founder and Executive Director of ARVF.
After Alicia died, her parents fulfilled that wish for others. The Foundation’s mission was to create such a place in hospitals throughout the country. The space is equipped with computers, movies, video games and a place to socialize with other teens. With the help of hospital staff, many young patients can take part in pizza parties, movie nights and other events. Here, teens are able to find relief from the stress of their treatment while spending time with friends and family members in a comfortable environment.

For more information of ARVF visit www.victoriousfoundation.org.

Death by Texting

2010-03-18T07:53:00.001-04:00

It appears that the high school student who died recently in a tragic traffic accident was texting at the time. The newspaper report included a quote from her dad that he had a bad feeling about his daughter’s well-being, so he texted her. She never responded. I can’t imagine his horror if it turns out that she was reading his text when she got into the accident that killed her.

Texting while driving has become a problem for parents and teens alike. It seems so innocent to text a quick note while you're sitting at the traffic light. It's even likely that you are so good on your keyboard that you don't even have to look at it any more. As tempting, and time saving, as texting while driving may seem, it's a dangerous habit to get into. Sadly, this teenager’s death is proof, but there are plenty of studies that also give the facts.

The Virginia Tech Transportation Institute used cameras to continuously observe drivers for more than 6 million miles. It found that when drivers of heavy trucks texted, their collision risk was 23 times greater than when not texting. This compares to dialing a cellphone and using or reaching for an electronic device, which increased the risk of collision about 6 times in cars and trucks.

Our lives are stretched and we are in constant search of time saving techniques. Yet, think of your kids. There are two possible consequences that should cross your mind every time you text while driving. The first is that you might cause an accident, hurting or killing an innocent child or his parent. How could you possibly live with that? The second is that you might harm your own child or yourself. Again, something you can't live with.

So, please put the phone down, and do not allow your children to text while driving. You make rules about drugs and alcohol – texting while driving can be equally dangerous. If a message is that urgent, just pull over. You're quick enough on the keyboard that you can make a pit stop in no time.

Let Your Kids Do Messy Activities

2010-03-15T08:10:00.000-04:00

Some parents have trouble allowing their youngsters to create a mess in their home. We specifically encourage the use of play dough in the classroom because we recognize that some children aren’t allowed to play with it in their own houses. I understand that it can get into their children’s shoes and end up trekked throughout the house and I know that it is virtually impossible to remove dried play dough from a carpet. Yet, I encourage parents to find some contained place either inside or outside their homes where kids can enjoy messy projects.

Molding clay, splashing paint onto a blank canvas, and even building castles in the sand, are all important activities for toddlers. They provide an outlet for creativity, and give the kids a sense of accomplishment and pride in their creations. These activities also help develop children’s fine motor skills which are essential to further learning. Once students advance into kindergarten, they are expected to be able to cut, write their letters and use their fine motor skills constantly. For most children, these things take practice. It is only through the repetitive use of their fingers that some kids are able to gain the strength they need to be successful in these skills.

“Kids need experience trying to engage in fine motor tasks, succeeding and sometimes failing, to develop those skills,” says Nathan J. Blum, MD, Developmental-Behavioral Pediatrician at the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia and Associate Professor of Pediatrics at the University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine. “Kids need a variety of fine motor activities but some of them are more messy than others. It doesn’t have to be with finger paints and clay, but children need fine motor experiences and they need engaging activities.” There are a variety of toys that help develop fine motor skills and don’t leave behind a mess. Working puzzles, manipulating pegs, lacing, and playing with marbles and jacks, all help work their small muscles. Of course, if your child puts things in her mouth, you need to avoid very small items. Many adults enjoy worry or stress balls which are balloon-like balls filled with sand. These, too, are great for children to squeeze to work the muscles in their fingers and hands.

Of course, crayons and pencils are always ideal. For younger children, up to age four or five, the fatter crayons are more appropriate than skinny ones because they are easier for the child to manipulate. And don’t feel that you need to buy a brand new box of crayons every year. In fact, when a child needs to work with a smaller, broken piece, it provides great work for his fine motor skills.

Is Mommy Selfish?

2010-03-12T08:00:00.001-05:00

I have seen the disapproving looks of teachers and other family members when Mom seemingly puts herself in front of her child. Maybe she would prefer to go to the gym than bake cookies in class, or she’d rather stay home to watch a favorite TV show than join in on a play date. While it’s easy for others to judge, a happy Mommy is a better Mommy.

I’m not suggesting that baking cookies in class isn’t important. It is very important and rewarding for most mothers and children. But for a parent who is stressed out, helping tots scatter flour and chocolate chips may not be the correct medicine. Instead, in that moment, hitting the treadmill may be much more effective in lowering her stress level.

When we have kids, there is no manual to follow. Each parent has to follow her own gut to figure out how to be the best she can be. Of course, what works for one person doesn’t necessarily work for the next. As a preschool teacher, I love when parents come in to volunteer. I enjoy watching the bond between the parent and child and it’s magical to see the pride that the child has when his mommy comes to school.

Yet, let’s all try to be a little bit more understanding and less judgmental of the parents whose choices may not be in line with our own.

How Can we Prevent Teen Suicide?

2010-03-10T08:07:00.000-05:00

One in four teenagers thinks about committing suicide, says Dr. James R. Varrell, MD, Medical Director of the Center for Family Guidance in New Jersey. I asked him about the warning signs and how parents can ensure that their children do not become a tragic statistic. There is a much higher percentage of girls who will have suicidal behavior, such as cutting oneself or taking some pills – things that are not so aggressive. More often than not they are looking for help. When boys attempt suicide, it tends to be more of a true attempt and it tends to be much more violent, such as shooting or hanging oneself.

There are three reasons why teens want to kill themselves. One is that they are so demoralized and depressed and they think that nothing will ever change and nothing they do can make a difference. They feel helplessness and hopelessness. The second reason is that they want to get even with somebody. It’s a very immature way to punish someone else. The teen will believe that others will realize how important she was and they’ll be sad for the rest of their lives. In adolescence there’s still a strong belief in what we call magical thinking. It’s like believing in Santa Claus – something that’s out of reality but we take it as true. They’ll be visualizing people at their funeral and there’s some sense that they’re going to be there. There’s also a lack of a sense of permanence with suicide. The third reason is purely to avoid some kind of consequence of their actions. I’ve seen kids try to commit suicide because they got pregnant and they don’t want to tell their parents. They don’t know how to cope and they think there will be such humiliation, embarrassment and disappointment, that suicide is a better option.
The are warning signs that parents need to watch out for. The first is depression, when kids start to change their behavior or withdrawal. They keep to themselves, their grades fall, they are over-eating or sleeping or under-eating or sleeping. They stop smiling and laughing and seem sad. Usually, they don’t show their parents depressed moods, they show them irritability. Parents will sometimes think it’s teenage angst when it’s really a depression problem. There is a high level of stress and expectation on children these days, particularly in more affluent areas where there’s a real push to perform.

If you see any of these signs, first, you need to talk to the child about whatever your concern is. You might get resistance initially, but you need to be ready for that. Say, “Hey look, I know that you don’t want me in your business, but I want to be supportive and I want to be sure things are cool. I don’t need to know everything you’re thinking, but as someone who loves and cares about you, I’m going to need to know that you are okay.” If the child breaks down in tears or gives you an indication that there’s a problem, you should get them into therapy. Keep at it until they talk to you.

A Walk to Benefit Local Cancer Patients

2010-03-09T08:54:00.001-05:00

After walking in last year’s Susan G. Komen breast cancer 3-day walk, Lisa Forman had a brainstorm. She knew so many South Jersey neighbors with cancer who she wanted to help. Combining her zeal for physical fitness with her determination to fund cancer research locally, she put her dream into action. Three short months later, Forman’s grassroots effort became the first Walk 4 Family & Friends with Cancer.

This year, she hopes to double the number of walkers and the amount of money raised during the second annual walk, which will take place on April 17th. Forman’s enthusiasm for the cause began when she lost her grandmother to breast cancer at age 54.

“Living in Voorhees, I see cancer around me all the time,” she pointed out. “We have so much of it in our area. I wanted to do something locally. We came up with four miles and donating to the leading four cancers that seem to be the most common in the South Jersey area.”

Those include lung cancer, the leading cause of cancer death in the US; breast cancer, which affects one in eight women in our country; skin cancer, which will be diagnosed in more than a million people this year; and ovarian cancer, which accounts for more deaths than any other female reproductive cancer.

“I really wanted somebody to focus on why it seems to be prevalent in South Jersey, but I discovered that it’s happening all over,” she explained. “After talking to a lot of cancer foundations they said it’s not any worse in Cherry Hill or Voorhees than it is anywhere else, it’s just that we have a lot more people in a condensed area.”
A portion of the money raised by the walk will provide support for other cancer patients in need. “We hope that this fund will enable us to help pay for non-medical expenses, such as rent, utilities, transportation, babysitting, and things of that nature,” Marjorie Dannenbaum, Jewish Family and Children’s Services Cancer Program Coordinator, said. “There’s an incredible, emerging need.”

This year’s walk will take place on April 17th at 8:00, leaving from Connelly Park in Voorhees. Runners and walkers can take part in the four mile course, which Forman said is “beautiful and challenging. We feel like we’re making a difference and doing something locally.”

For more information about the walk, visit www.walk4family-friendswithcancer.org. If you have cancer and are in need of assistance, visit www.jfcssnj.org.

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Bathroom

2010-03-03T08:16:00.001-05:00

I have two students who spent their week off due to snow potty training. Congratulations to them!!! What a great idea to spend time stuck inside in such a useful way. In honor of this achievement, I want to tell my favorite potty story.

At five years old, Tristen was able to go down the hall by himself when he needed the bathroom. One day, he came back dripping wet. His hair was especially soaked.
“Tristen, what happened to you?” his teacher asked.
“Nothing,” he insisted, eyes looking down at his feet.
“Tristen, your hair is all wet. It’s okay, just please tell me what happened,” she asked encouragingly.
“I just wanted to see how high my pee could go!” he stammered.

Please share your funny potty stories!

Preparing Your Toddler for a New Sibling

2010-03-02T08:53:00.000-05:00

No matter how many children you already have, when a new baby enters the family, everyone is shaken up. Here are some tips to help you make the experience as positive for everyone as possible.

1. Timing is important. Choosing when to tell other family members about a pregnancy depends a great deal on each child's age. Your two year old will not understand what you are saying if you don’t look pregnant. Nine months is almost half his lifetime and way too long to be told you are pregnant. Wait until you are about five months along. At that point he can see where the baby is, and it gives him enough time to digest the news.

2. Be inclusive. It’s important to include your children in your pregnancy. Let them feel your belly, especially if they can feel the baby kick. That will help them understand that a real person is about to be born. When you begin to set up the nursery or buy things for the baby, let your children be involved. They can help you choose colors for the nursery, brainstorm names, and pick out bottles and rattles. It’s important that they feel part of the process.

3. Make them feel special. Be sure to spend quality time with your child leading up to the birth, making each child know how important he is to you and your family. Stress that because he is older, you will need his help when the baby comes. The new addition will have so much to learn from his big brother and you can’t wait to see what a loving, caring big brother he will be.
4. Ask permission to take your older children’s outgrown baby things. For example, if you plan to move your three year into a bed so the baby can have his crib, be careful about how you do that. Begin by telling your toddler that he is big enough now that he can get a big boy bed of his own. Let him help you choose special sheets, pillows, and blankets so that he feels ownership of his new bed. Be sure he is in the bed at least a month before the baby arrives. Then, you can ask him if the new baby can sleep in his old crib since he is a big boy now and won’t need it anymore. Make him feel special to be able to share something so important with his new sibling.

5. Continue to shower your kids with attention after the baby comes. While everyone’s focus will be on the new arrival, be sure to let your older children know how important and helpful they are during this crazy time. If company comes with gifts for the baby but not the siblings, have a stash of small items that will be special to the older kids. When the company leaves, give your older child a puzzle, coloring book, or similar item as thanks for being such an understanding big brother. Try to take some time when the baby is sleeping to spend quality time with the other kids.

6. Encourage the children to appreciate each other. As your family grows, it is even more important that your kids get along with one another, and truly love each other. Sure, there will always be sibling rivalry, but try to find ways to build their relationship as opposed to making them feel like they need to compete for your time and attention.

Congratulations on your new addition! When the baby comes you will be exhausted and there will be chaos for a while. The more you can prepare, the better off everyone in the family will be.

The Problem with Making Idle Threats to Your Kids

2010-02-26T09:04:00.000-05:00

Children don't just learn things through osmosis....they must be taught, and the best way for parents to teach values to their children is through leading by example. Say what you mean and mean what you say or the kids will see right through your idle threats.
I’m not saying that’s easy. Parents today are overworked and stressed out. The last thing we want to do is fight with our children. There are times when it's easier to give in than have yet another battle. However, your most important job is being a parent.

Kids are incredibly smart and they recognize how to get what they want. It is the parents' job to set the rules and carry them out and that is best done by leading by example so the kids understand what the expectations are. When parents tell their kids something, but don't follow through, they are being ineffective. Consider the story of Trevor.

Trevor was a three year old boy in our class who figured out very quickly that his father’s threats were usually idle. On a grocery store field trip. The kids, including Trevor, were very excited. Trevor wanted to touch everything he saw. First, he grabbed an apple from the shelf, which caused several more apples to roll to the ground. At that point, his father reminded him that Trevor wasn’t allowed to touch anything. A moment later, Trevor took a cucumber and started laying with it. At this, Trevor’s father raised his voice and told his son that if he touched one more thing they were going home. In a few short minutes, Trevor nabbed a candy bar off another shelf. Again, his father told him to stop touching things with the threat that they would go home.

And yet again, Trevor took another item from the shelf. His father got angrier, repeatedly threatening to leave the store, without having any intention of doing so. There was no reason for Trevor to stop touching things because he knew there would be no consequence. His father’s threats were idle.

Trevor’s dad had choices which would have stopped his son’s behavior and taught a valuable lesson. He could have threatened to leave and then actually left. Or, he might have chosen another punishment that he could follow through on. For example, he might have told Trevor that if he kept touching things, they’d have to sit for five minutes and miss out on the class visiting the lobster tank in the seafood department. By following through on that threat, Trevor would be disappointed to miss seeing the lobsters, but he would know that his father meant what he said.

Parents need to think about what they are saying, and be ready to follow through. Walk the walk, don’t just talk the talk. If you follow through the first time, the kids will be less apt to challenge you the next time.

Should You Hold Your Child Back in Preschool?

2010-02-24T08:30:00.000-05:00

Liam is a three year old who is extremely bright, loves to laugh, and has strong fine motor skills. He also cries every time he loses at Memory, is sleepy by mid-afternoon, and his feelings get hurt very easily. Liam’s birthday is in August, which makes him one of the youngest kids in the class. So, when it came time to decide where he should best be placed next year, his parents and teachers had a difficult decision to make.

Today, more and more parents choose to hold their toddlers back a year in school for reasons that are not solely academic. Boys, especially, who tend to be less mature than girls, often benefit from an extra year of development. By repeating the grade level, they have the opportunity to revisit the experience as one of the older children in the class. They will feel more confident, self-assured, and oftentimes will take on a leadership role.

Liam’s parents decided to hold him back and have him repeat the three-four year old program. That extra year is truly a gift, and will allow him to use his skills more confidently. By making the decision now, he can make new friends who he will be in class with until he gets into elementary school. At that point, he will be right on target academically, socially, and emotionally.

This decision could have waited if his parents weren’t sure. For some children, it isn’t obvious that they need an extra year until they are in the four-five year old class, or even kindergarten. By that time, more academic skills have been taught, and it will be more obvious that the child is lagging behind. The same goes for social and emotional growth.
If you have a child about to enter kindergarten and you just aren’t sure whether he’s ready or not, consider this option - if you can afford it, send him to a private kindergarten where he will often get more individual attention due to smaller class sizes. If he still seems like he would benefit from an extra year, he can enter kindergarten again in the public school, and not feel that he has been held back.

Some parents feel that they or their child has failed if he is held back, but I couldn’t disagree more. Being on the older end, as opposed to the younger, has many advantages. He will be physically bigger and stronger; have a chance to further develop fine and gross motor skills; and have the advantage of learning information that is already familiar, which will make him more confident. If you are in doubt about your child, remember that you are giving him a gift when you give him that extra year.

Do You Really Want a Family Bed?

2010-02-22T07:33:00.001-05:00

Sometimes, having your children cuddling with you in bed is special. When there’s a loud storm, your toddler had a scary dream, or it’s a special occasion, it can be lovely to have everyone together in bed. Yet, making the decision to let the kids in bed should be a choice that you make. For that to happen, they need to be comfortable in their own beds, and expect that this is where they typically sleep.

From the first night that your little one moves from his crib to his bed, you must lay down the rules. Remind your son that he has this awesome new bed because he's a big boy now. Along with that comes responsibility and a few rules. The first rule is that he must call for you if he wants to get out of bed. Initially, he will likely call for you a lot, but the first step is that he's not allowed to get out of bed without your approval.

If you find that he starts calling for you too much, explain that the next rule is that there are only certain times when he can ask for you. If he's having a bad dream or feels afraid he can certainly call for you. Or, if he has to go to the bathroom, although be sure he uses the bathroom before bed to help avoid that problem. Give him a small drink before bed so he doesn't wake up thirsty.

No doubt, he will cry for you in the middle of the night and tell you he's scared, because he wants to come into your bed. At all costs, try to avoid that. It's easier at times to let him, but once he enjoys the comfort of snuggling with Mommy and Daddy in bed, it will be very hard to wean him of the privilege. Of course, there are special circumstances, such as a loud, scary storm, where you welcome a family bed, but you have to put your foot down on most other occasions.

When he does call you, it’s important for you to go into his room to ask him what's wrong, instead of letting him come into your room. If he says he had a scary dream, let him tell you about it. Reassure him that it was just a dream and he's very safe. You can even look under his bed and in his closet to prove it.

Be sure to place a nightlight by his bed so he can see his surroundings. Tell your little guy that you'll stay with him for five minutes until he falls back asleep, but you are very tired and you need to go back to sleep too. If he doesn't fall asleep in five minutes and starts to cry when you try to leave, tell him that you will wait out in the hall for five more minutes, but then you are going to your own bed by yourself. Try placing a clock by his bed so you can show him exactly what five minutes means.

Most importantly, you have to follow through on what you say. If he still calls for you, tell him that you are going to bed, he is safe and you both need your sleep. Then comes the hard part - you have to let him cry.

I know that it is so much easier to give in, but if you set the ground rules right away, he will understand that he has no choice. Then, on the special occasions when you allow him in your bed, he will know that it is truly special.

I have also had parents tell me that they allowed their child in their room, but the child had to lay on a blanket on the floor. This worked for them, although I don't really see the distinction between the floor and the bed. I believe it’s more important to set the boundary that his room is where he sleeps and your room is where you sleep.

Helping Your Child Deal with Anger

2010-02-18T07:38:00.000-05:00

You’re at the food store and your child is shaking in the cart and screaming at the top of her lungs. She is too far gone for you to do anything to calm her down enough to finish your grocery shopping. Everyone is staring, you are hot and sweaty, and you just want to disappear. Don’t worry, you’re not alone. While all kids gets angry at times, some children seem to take their frustration to the outer limits.

“Some kids are temperamentally difficult and don’t cope that well,” says Richard Selznick, PhD, Director of the Cooper Learning Center and author of The Shut-Down Learner. “They tend to be more on the rigid side and are pretty inflexible. These kids don’t handle curve balls really well, so if you throw something at them that you haven’t given them reasonable time to sort out, you can expect them to react in a tantrum and have anger issues.”

How parents should deal with their child depends a great deal on the age and stage of the child. It is very difficult to reason with a three year old because she simply doesn’t understand. In that case, you need to be really attentive to her cues. “You have to be much more mindful of her tendencies,” Dr. Selznick explains. “Toddlers can be almost primitive in their reactions.”

With an eight year old, however, parents can talk sensibly to the child. The trick is finding the right time to have that conversation. In the middle of the meltdown, or even shortly after, the child will still be too upset to have a reasonable conversation. Instead, wait until bedtime when you are both calm and you are tucking her in. Talk about why she was so angry.

“At that point the window is open more than any other time,” Dr. Selznick points out. “Find out from your child what she was upset about and offer your perspective. The possibility of learning can take place in that situation.”

Of course, it’s better if you can prevent the tantrum in the first place. Dr. Selznick encourages parents to continually monitor their child. As soon as she shows signs of getting frustrated, try to redirect her. That might mean having a conversation about what is upsetting her or taking a quick walk to calm her down. He does not believe in indulging the child by giving her candy or buying her something, as that simply reinforces the bad behavior. In the worst case, the child will have her tantrum, and eventually it will be over.

Most importantly, do not yell at your child. When you do, she’s screaming, you’re screaming, and the situation becomes out of control. “Parents utilize yelling as their number one tool,” explains Dr. Selznick. “I know it’s very hard, but I try to get parents to see it as bad weather. You might not like it, but it will pass. Yelling at it is only going to add fuel to the fire.”

Dr. Selznick reminds parents that you are not alone. In his experience it’s the rare family who doesn’t have at least one inflexible child.
For a special place to let your daughter calm down, check out Dora the Explorer Lounge Mat

Tips to Help Your Children Through Divorce

2010-02-16T07:17:00.000-05:00

When a couple with young kids divorces, it is usually devastating for everyone. The kids don’t understand why Mommy and Daddy no longer live together, and despite your best intentions, they can sense tension between you. It is your job as parents to do your very best to keep your children’s lives as normal as possible, knowing that is a very difficult thing to do.

Many times financial needs mean that the children must leave the house they are used to. With shared custody, the kids might be shuffled between two homes, which disrupts their routine. (Check out Mom's House, Dad's House for Kids: Feeling at Home in One Home or Two

I asked William J. Thompson, Chair, Matrimonial Department at Archer and Greiner, P.C. for some recommendations that divorcing parents should consider at the start of the process:

1. Consider mediation. In many cases it can be quicker, less costly and far less adversarial.
2. Be financially aware. You will need to know what assets exist, how much they are worth and how much you owe.
3. Know where your money goes. Checking account and credit card statements can help you pull together an accurate and realistic budget of what your family spends and what you will be able to afford in the future.
4. Be realistic. It is unlikely that you will receive all the assets or all of your spouse's income. The process is intended to be fair to both sides.
5. Keep the children out of the middle. No matter what your spouse's faults, the children deserve a relationship with both parent, and it is not their responsibility to negotiate the divorce.
6. Select professionals to assist whom you understand and trust. Ask questions and listen to their advice. A good lawyer will outline the pros and cons of a decision and give reasoned advice.

Adds Allison Granite, MSW, LCSW, a licensed clinical social worker who works in Voorhees, “The most important thing parents can do to help ease kids through the divorce process is to constantly reassure them that their relationship with both parents is permanent and continuing. Parents must try to put aside their own personal crisis, which is easier said than done. Tell kids what to expect and give them enough time to process and talk about any major changes, such as a parent moving out of the marital home, before those changes happen. Parents need to be honest, but give age-appropriate answers when their children have questions about the divorce. Remember that although the marital relationship might end, responsible parenting must continue.”

As difficult as it will be, you may need to do some pretending when your kids are present, if you really can’t stand to interact with your spouse. That person is still your children’s parent despite your feelings.
So, the next time you want to freak out because your child has colored on your wall, or flushed a diaper down the toilet, keep your perspective, and your sense of humor. These are little problems. With luck, you won’t have to face too many big ones as the kids get older.

Loving Children Everywhere: Lessons from Haiti

2010-02-15T08:44:00.000-05:00

“A young boy, twisting and turning, crying in his sleep as his father frantically tries to awaken him; a girl screaming in pain as her leg wound from an amputation is being changed and redressed; another boy’s eyes filling with tears as he gazes for the first time upon his right hand, realizing two of his fingers are no longer there;” are just a few of Nicholas Erbrich’s lasting memories.

Dr. Erbrich was one of twelve members of a team from Cooper University Hospital in Camden, New Jersey who recently returned from Haiti. His mission had a profound impact on him personally and professionally, reminding him why he chose to be a doctor in the first place. As a pediatrician, Dr. Erbrich was able to provide to care to many children badly in need. Here are some of the reflections he shared about his experience.

“When we arrived, an opportunity essentially found us,” he recalls. “We found a church that had taken in a lot of Haitian refugees who were essentially post-operative patients. The only doctors who were there to care for the children were one internist and one family practitioner who was leaving the next day. It was fortunate that when we arrived there was an immediate need for my services.”

Dr. Erbrich took care of kids with broken bones, post-operative wounds, and crushing injuries. Amid all the tragedy, he is able to reflect on many good outcomes. He treated a 13 year old boy who had an injury to his leg which had been casted before the Cooper team arrived. Since no x-rays had been taken, they didn’t know the extent of his injury.

“We fought very hard at the local hospital to get him the x-ray,” recalls Dr. Erbrich. “You can imagine, with only one x-ray machine it was quite difficult to get it, but we were persistent. I was able to show that x-ray to a pediatric orthopedic surgeon who was also volunteering his services, and we determined that it was in the best interest of this young boy to have surgery. He still had a few years left to grow, and had we not fixed this surgically, it might have resulted in him having a leg length discrepancy which would have made it difficult for him to walk later.”

There was also a ray of hope in the cries of a newborn baby. “This baby had literally been born three days after the earthquake and by the time I arrived, the baby was four days old,” says Dr. Erbrich. “Just being able to provide some reassurance and routine care to this first-time mother, who essentially didn’t know anything about childcare, was a very gratifying experience. The mother then came up to me and said she wanted me to bless the child.”

Dr. Erbrich admits that his experience was profoundly life-changing. “I realize that we get so caught up in our petty lives here in the states,” he explains. “Going over there and utilizing my clinical skills and what I had at my disposal made me realize why I went into medicine in the first place.”

Helping our Toddlers Avoid Obesity

2010-02-10T09:00:00.000-05:00

With Michelle Obama leading the charge to end childhood obesity, this serious topic is getting more attention. A new study on the subject revealed what most parents already know – there are three easy steps to keeping our kids healthy and avoiding obesity. According to the US Preventative Service Task Force, eating together as a family more than five nights per week, sleeping at least 10 ½ hours on weeknights, and limiting television and video watching to no more than two hours on weekdays, will give your child a 40 percent lower prevalence of obesity.

While these recommendations are fairly obvious, finding the time in our busy, hectic schedules to actually make these things happen isn’t easy. But, it’s necessary. The study points out that since the 1970s, childhood and adolescent obesity has increased three to sixfold. Approximately 12% to 18% of 2- to 19-year-old children and adolescents are obese (defined as having an age- and gender-specific BMI at 95th percentile).

Obesity can lead to other health problems for your kids, including diabetes and heart disease. Getting them on track now with a healthy lifestyle will set them on a positive path for their entire lives. In addition, all three routines also provide other benefits. According to the Department of Health and Human Services, by eating with your children, it is more likely that meals will be healthier and more balanced.

They also point out that teens who rarely have family dinners are three-and-a-half times more likely to have abused prescription drugs or an illegal drug other than marijuana. Girls who have five or more meals a week with their families are one-third less likely to develop unhealthy eating habits, which can range from skipping meals to full-fledged anorexia or abusing diet pills. Regularly sitting down for a meal with your children is one way to connect with them and be involved with what is happening in their lives. They are more apt to tell you when they face difficult challenges or temptations.

The second recommendation, getting enough sleep, can also be easier said than done. By the time everyone gets home from work and after-school activities, has finished the family dinner and homework, getting 10 1/2 hours of sleep can be tricky. Yet, kids who get a full night’s sleep are sharper during the day, have more energy to enjoy physical activities, and stay healthier overall.

The final recommendation, limiting television and video watching, will allow your kids to spend time doing other, more productive activities. Playing a family game, exercising, (check out the Hop 66 Ball) and reading, will all promote a healthy lifestyle.

How Much Homework Help Should Parents Give Kids

2010-02-08T08:56:00.000-05:00

Children are assigned homework to help reinforce lessons they learned in school. Sometimes, if those lessons didn’t sink in, the kids will struggle to complete the homework without a teacher helping. In that case, if the parent can help, that is in the child’s best interest. Projects, however, are another story.

We assigned our three year olds the task of creating a bed for the stuffed doll they made in class. Some of the children obviously made it themselves, with crayons, stickers, and bangles adorning a shoe box. Other children worked side-by-side with Mom, in which case the beds were a bit more elaborate. And then there were ones where the parents completed the task without the child’s help.

One such child was Robin. Robin’s box was gorgeous – a bed fit for a doll princess. It had beautiful fabric glued to the outside, ribbon handles sewn on, and even a nightlight to keep the doll safe at night! When Robin showed me her box, I asked her if she and her mommy made it together. “No, Mommy made it all by herself!” she announced.

Standing nearby, her mother told us that she always gave her sister grief for doing her kids’ science projects for them. Now, she realized she was turning into her sister. I certainly don’t mind when a parent helps a child with a project like this. If they work together, it can be a wonderful bonding experience. They can enjoy each other’s company and input, and have fun talking about what a baby might need in her bed. They can reminisce about when the child was a baby, and make the experience positive.

I don’t, however, think that parents should do their children’s projects for them, at any age. That is a child’s responsibility and the only way she will learn how to do things for herself. Lending a guiding hand can provide valuable lessons, but the bulk of the work must be the students.