What to Feed the Kids

I'm big on walking the walk...not just talking the talk. Parents must lead by example and it's really hard to know just how to do that. Today, I'll talk about how you can get your kids to try new foods and make healthy choices.

Too often, a child says she doesn’t like something without ever trying it. I feel that parents do a great disservice to their children by not encouraging them to taste an array of foods. Some parents cook one meal for themselves and something else for the children because the kids will only eat chicken fingers, pizza or macaroni and cheese. Once the children get into the habit of demanding such a limited menu, it will be more difficult for them to want to try new things as they get older.

Also, those old standbys are not nearly as healthy as other foods, including fish, poultry that isn’t fried, and fresh fruit and vegetables. If you give your child the same meal that everyone else in the family is enjoying, and you refuse to make a separate dish for just that child, she will realize that she has to try it. Sometimes adding ketchup or another sauce that can change the food’s flavor will make it more appetizing. But, if you tell her she has to eat what everyone else is eating, and then if she refuses, you make her macaroni and cheese anyway, she will learn that she doesn’t have to try new foods.

Every Wednesday in our classroom we have healthy snack day, and one parent brings in a healthy treat for the class. We’ve enjoyed everything from fresh fruit salad to cream cheese on celery, to frozen yogurt. We try very hard to encourage every child to taste whatever the snack is. If they try it and don’t like it, we’ll give them pretzels, which is our old standby that everyone seems to like. But if we offer them two types of snacks and they refuse to taste either, they have made the choice to skip snack that day.

Here’s a story that happened in school. One day we made ‘Stone Soup’ in class after reading the story by the same name. Of course, we skipped the stone, but we put in carrots, onions, potatoes, tomatoes, alphabet noodles and seasoning. Every child tasted the soup, and most of them enjoyed it. When Becky’s mother picked her up that day, she was certain that her daughter had refused to taste the soup. To her surprise, we told her that Becky had eaten every drop. Her mother insisted that Becky would never touch a vegetable at home, and wondered what we did to get her to eat vegetable soup.

Part of the appeal was the fact that Becky helped make the soup. We gave each child a plastic knife and we softened the carrots and potatoes enough that the children were able to cut through them. Every child also had a turn to stir the soup. But Becky also knew that we expected her to at least taste the soup. As the other children around her were enjoying it, she realized that it was okay to like it.

If you offer your child the foods that the rest of your family is eating, she has two choices – she can taste them, or she can be hungry. At some point, her hunger will force her to find something on the table that she’s willing to eat. But, if you give in and make mac and cheese and chicken nuggets for every meal, your child will never learn to eat new and healthy foods.

Prepare for Back to School - Just Have Family Fun

Yesterday I talked about the importance of summer reading, but don't forget that summer is also the time for kids to relax and enjoy family moments.

According to Valarie Lee, Reading Professor at Rowan University College of Education, summer should be a time for family experiences. “You can’t underestimate the value of talking to your kids,” Dr. Lee explains. “It doesn’t have to be expensive vacations, but just opportunities to experience things with your kids. Going to the park, going on a hike, visiting the library - the things that are so enriching for them in the school environment are the conversations you have during those activities.”

Telling stories, playing games, and sharing events are wonderful learning tools for children. Even seemingly mundane activities actually promote learning. For example, Dr. Lee suggests that when visiting the grocery store, talk about products, prices, and print that the kids see around them.

And don’t let those commercials scare you that your kids are going to forget everything they’ve learned in school.

“We create this fear that the kids are going to lose all of this information,” Dr. Lee explains. “Reading is a good example of where they lose a little bit, but if they’re engaged in experiences during the summer that are going to create background experiences, then they bring that schema with them into reading in the Fall when they go back to school.”

This depressed economy has brought many families together, and that's a great thing. Research proves that having family meals together keeps kids out of trouble. It also forges important relationships and there's nothing like dinner table debate to educate every generation! Here I am at 50 years old blogging.....we can all learn from our kids!

So enjoy your summer and don't worry if your kids don't seem to be doing enough on the academic front. Enjoy the experiences life has to offer and they will be learning every day.

Summer Reading - How to Chose

For many families, those three words, Back to School, bring dread and despair. If your kids are past their preschool years, there's a good chance their summer reading book is still in the Borders bag and the packet of work they need to turn in next September is in a corner somewhere collecting dust. No worries.

Experts say that summer is all about family experiences that enrich children's lives and bring a broader understanding of the world around them. Visits to the library, the park, and even a ballgame provide shared experiences that are invaluable. Tomorrow's blog will talk more about that, but today I want to focus on summer reading, and share advice from Farrah Koonce, Principal of the Clara Barton Elementary School in Cherry Hill.

She suggests that there are many ways to keep students from regressing over the summer. “They should engage in some academic stimulation, whether it’s reading, writing, or mathematics,” explains Dr. Koonce. “They need to just be doing something to keep their brains active. Doing something to stimulate their brain is critical.”

For example, visit the library and help your child independently choose a book that interests her. Violeta Katsikis, Instructional Support Specialist at Clara Barton Elementary School, provides guidelines to help kids choose appropriate books. Ask yourself these questions. If the answer is YES, this book is probably a JUST – RIGHT book for you. JUST – RIGHT books help you learn the MOST because you can figure out most of the words and you can UNDERSTAND what’s going on in the book.

1. Is this an interesting book that you want to read?
2. Do you know the author or anything about the topic?
3. Can you tell another person what is happening in the story or
something you have learned?
4. Do you sometimes need to reread a part to understand it?
5. Are there just a few (2 or 3) words per page that you do not know?
6. When you read are most places smooth and some choppy?

Hopefully, you parents are reading, too. When kids see that their parents have a love for reading, it will make them that much more interested in trying it for themselves. And, they don't need to read novels. Experts agree that reading anything is good, be it comic books, magazines, or even the cereal box. It's amazing how much vocabulary kids can pick up by reading just about anything.

When my kids were younger, I often read their summer reading books. Many of them were wonderful, and it gave us a chance to discuss the book together.

Check out the August issue of SJ Magazine for more tips on things you can do with your kids this summer to make school even more successful next fall. The most important thing is to spend time doing activities together.

Give Kids Jobs

My 15 year old son and 19 year old daughter mow our lawn. It's possible that we're the only family in the neighborhood without a professional lawn service. We pay them to do the job, probably the same amount we would pay a service. At times I think professionals might do a better job, but to us, it's about the kids having responsibility to the family.

As young as two years old, you can start giving your children "jobs." At home, parents can set the rule that your child must clean up after himself. Even at one or two years old, you can encourage him to bring a toy to the shelf to help you straighten up. As he gets older, give him more challenging tasks. By three or four, you can teach him how to help you set the table, make his bed, and help you put (non-breakable) groceries away.

Let him know that you appreciate his help, but also that you expect him to pitch in as a productive part of the family. In addition to learning new skills, he will feel proud of his accomplishments and independence.

Divorce Can be Best Thing for Kids

A few years ago I taught a child whose parents were going through a very messy divorce. It was a tough year for everyone in the family. The parents hated that they were putting their children through the process, but they recognized that they didn't want to stay married. Now, three years later, the divorce is final, the parents have created new lives of their own, and the kids are flourishing.

It is sad when young children have to face their parents' divorce, but kids are resillient and they will be healthier if their parents are happy. I grew up in a home where my parents fought constantly and they didn't divorce until I was 16. I think I would have been better off had they made the split sooner, as there was always tension hanging over all of us.

As much as we’d love to shield our children from pain, they do deserve to know things that will affect them. Sadly, there are parents who get divorced while their children are in preschool. It is very hard for parents to know what to say to their children or how to behave in the presence of their spouse.How do talk to a very young child about divorce? Jean Thomas, MD, MSW, a Clinical Professor in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at both The Children’s National Medical Center and The George Washington University School of Medicine in Washington, DC, who is internationally known for early childhood diagnosis and treatment strategies, shares her point of view.

She points out that parents cannot hide their true feelings. “The feelings that they think they’re hiding are shown to the child by their facial expression and body language. Let’s say they are putting on a pretty face every time they are with the child and the spouse. But, the child sees through that and absolutely knows when the parent is having a hard time, despite the false face that the parent presents.”

She suggests that the parents tell the child that Mommy and Daddy have been arguing and have been unhappy. “The problem with not telling the child what’s going on is the facial or body language information the child is reading,” explains Dr. Thomas. “The child thinks that it’s something he’s done. They have very strong little super egos so they blame themselves. That can lead toward a long-term depressive process if it’s not reversed. I think it’s very important that the child understands that there’s a problem.”

Until you are sure that you are going to separate or divorce, you don’t want to suggest to your child that separation is a possibility. “You don’t want to put ideas into their head that are then going to be reversed or fixed,” says Dr. Thomas. “If it’s a done deal and somebody’s moving out this weekend, I would make sure that there is no blame put on one or the other parent. Say something like, ‘Mommy and Daddy aren’t getting along very well and we think we would do better living in different places. We both love you and you know it’s not your fault.’” She says that kids are going to believe it’s their fault even if nobody is blaming them. They might think back to the night before when they were in trouble for spilling their milk as the reason for everyone’s unhappiness today.

So don't beat yourself up if you find yourself in this situation.

Parents Must Lead by Example: Walk the Walk, Don't Just Talk the Talk

Kids don't just learn things through osmosis....they must be taught, and the best way for parents to teach values to their children is through leading by example. Walk the walk, don't just talk the talk.

Parents today are tired. We work hard and the last thing we want to do is fight with our kids. Sometimes, it's easier just to give in than have yet another battle. Well, get over it.

I dont' mean to be harsh, but kids are very, very smart, and they know how to get what they want. It is the parents' job to lead by example, set the rules, and carry them out. When parents tell their kids something, but don't follow through, they have let the ball drop. Consider the story of Trevor.

Trevor was a child in our class who figured out very quickly that his father’s threats were usually idle. One day, we went to the grocery store on a field trip. Trevor was very excited and just wanted to touch everything he saw. First, he grabbed an apple from the shelf, which caused several more apples to roll to the ground. His father reminded him that he wasn’t allowed to touch the food. A moment later, Trevor grabbed a cucumber. This time, Trevor’s father raised his voice and told his son that if he touched one more thing they were going home. Five minutes later, Trevor nabbed a candy bar off another shelf. Again, his father told him to stop touching things or they would go home.

And yet again, Trevor took another item from the shelf. Though his father got angrier, he continued to threaten to leave without having any intention of doing so. There was no incentive for Trevor to stop touching things because he knew there would be no consequence.

Trevor’s dad had two choices. He could have threatened to leave and then actually left, or he could have used another punishment that he could follow through on. For example, he might have told Trevor that if he touched something else, they’d have to sit for five minutes and miss out on the class visiting the lobster tank in the seafood department. Once he followed through on that threat, Trevor would be disappointed to miss seeing the lobsters, but he would know that his father meant what he said.

Parents need to walk the walk, not just talk the talk. You have to let your children know that you mean what you say. If you follow through the first time, the kids will be less apt to challenge you the next time.

Thanks to all who have shared stories with me either by email or comment here. I love hearing from you!

Potty Fun: Kids Learn all Kinds of Lessons in the Bathroom

In light of yesterday's post, I thought I'd share a funny story, compliments of my friend Pam, teacher and Pilates instructor extraordinaire. This happened to her when she was teaching in public school:

At five years old, Tristen was able to go down the hall by himself when he needed the bathroom. One day, he came back dripping wet. His hair was especially soaked.
“Tristen, what happened to you?” his teacher asked.
“Nothing,” he insisted, eyes looking down at his feet.
“Tristen, your hair is all wet. It’s okay, just please tell me what happened,” she asked encouragingly.
“I just wanted to see how high my pee could go!” he stammered.

Please share your funny potty stories!