How to Talk to Your Young Kids About Drugs

Eleven year-old Aaron Finkelstein remembers his parents talking to him about drugs when he was in pre-school. They didn’t sit him down for a serious talk, the Cherry Hill, NJ fifth grader recalls; it was more informal. His mom, Sally says she and her husband have used opportunities that crop up in daily life to discuss drugs, alcohol, and cigarette use with Aaron and his siblings, Mitchell 13, and Natalie, 6. According to experts, the Finkelsteins are right on target.

Start the Conversation Early
Today, kids begin experimenting with drugs younger than ever before, with 8% of 12 year olds using drugs, according to the CDC (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.) Even children as young as 8 and 9 years old are getting in on the act, trying drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes. Alcohol and cigarettes are also drugs, and need to be included in any conversation about drugs.
Michael Bradley, Ed.D, a psychologist specializing in children and adolescents and author of four books, says that a parent must start the conversation when the child is very young – even toddlers - because our kids are raised in a drug culture. Parents must help develop their child’s belief system that drugs are something to avoid.
“Controlling is easy, it’s short-term, and it doesn’t work,” insists Dr. Bradley. “You want to get them to have a belief system that drugs are really stupid. It’s not cool, sexy, fun, or harmless as it’s presented in the culture.”
The D.A.R.E. program (Drug Abuse Resistance Education), a school program designed to give kids the skills they need to avoid involvement in drugs, gangs, and violence, starts in the fifth grade. “While most kids don’t get involved with drugs at that age, when they get into middle school, they really start getting exposed to it,” explains James McGivney, Regional Director, D.A.R.E. America, Mid-Atlantic States (PA, DE, NJ, VA, WVA.) “This prepares them for their entrée into middle school.”

How to Start the Conversation
As the Finkelsteins have figured out, an out-of-the-blue conversation won’t work, it needs to be relatable for your child. When you see a character on television drinking or an article in the paper about someone overdosing on drugs, use that opportunity to begin the conversation. “Say to your kids, ‘What do you think about this?’” suggests Dr. Bradley. “Try to get them to start to share their beliefs.”
Take advantage of teachable moments when they present themselves. Having an open rapport with your children is especially important, and that often comes from spending mealtime together. “It’s been proven that if you have dinner with your kids every night, that’s the best prevention tool that there is,” adds McGivney.
Show your children facts about the effects of alcohol and drugs on teen brains from sites such as www.samafoundation.org/youth-substance-addiction/effects-of-drugs-on-adolescent-brain. Or, join your child in playing games related to the topic at www.teens.drugabuse.gov/havefun/index.php.
About 50 percent of fifth graders in the region are visited by a D.A.R.E. police officer each year. That is a great time to have a conversation with your child about what he learned in the program. If you don’t have D.A.R.E. in your school, there are many opportunities to casually get the conversation started at many age levels. Check out www.getsmartaboutdrugs.com/prevent/getting-started-talking-about-drugs for more tips on how to get the conversation started.
Then, when your child is older, you will be prepared to set ground rules. Remind her that your expectation is that she is not going to use drugs. Create a plan together to help her get out of uncomfortable situations. For example, Dr. Bradley recommends that if she encounters alcohol at a party, she can text you ‘911.’ That will be your cue to call her and say that there is a family emergency and she must come home right away. She won’t have to explain to her peers her true reason for leaving.

What to Do When You Find Your Child Has Used Drugs
First, you need to figure out how serious the situation is. The trend today is to mix alcohol with energy drinks, which allows the teen to drink a lot without seeming very drunk. Watch to be sure the child is getting increasingly intoxicated. If you feel secure, both of you should go to bed, knowing that you will have a conversation in the morning.
The next morning, when the child is sober and you are calmer, ask your child what she learned. Avoid losing your temper and be sure to maintain a line of communication. If you are lucky, she will say she was really stupid and she’ll never do it again. In the worst case, you will have do decide if your child needs treatment and explore those options. Your child’s guidance counselor is an excellent resource.
Sally Finkelstein hopes she is never faced with her children experimenting with drugs, but she hopes they will come to her if they find themselves in trouble. “We try to promote open communication,” she says. “If one of my kids experiments with something and isn’t feeling right, we hope he calls us and knows we’re there for him.”

Sidebar
By the Numbers
• Marijuana use increased among 8th graders between 2009 and 2010
• In 2010, 21.4 percent of high school seniors used marijuana while 19.2 percent smoked cigarettes.
• Past-year nonmedical use of Adderall and over-the-counter cough and cold medicines among 12th graders remains high at 6.5% and 6.6%, respectively.
• Alcohol use decline among high school seniors falling from 43.5% to 41.2% and alcohol binge drinking (defined as 5 or more drinks in a row in the past 2 weeks) declining from 25.2% to 23.2%.

source: National Institute on Drug Abuse, 2010

Eat Meals Together as a Family

If your kids are still toddlers, you probably have the time to enjoy meals together as a family. Soon enough though, they’ll get involved in sports, art class, religious school, and the list goes on and on. The more kids you have involved in things, the harder it becomes to carve out a half hour for dinner when everyone can be included. It’s really hard sometimes, but you must make a family meal a priority.

Research has proven that kids who eat family meals do better in school and are less involved in dangerous behaviors. The time spent talking, debating, and even arguing over the dinner table, helps forge stronger relationships. When you show that you are interested in what your kids have to say, you will be amazed at the things they choose to share. Not only will you learn more about them, and them about you, but you get the chance to demonstrate that you value their opinions.

I pulled this off the Department of Health and Human Services Website:
*By eating with your children, it is more likely that meals will be healthier and more balanced.

*Compared to teens that have frequent family dinners, those who rarely have family dinners are three-and-a-half times more likely to have abused prescription drugs or an illegal drug other than marijuana.

*Girls who have five or more meals a week with their families are one-third less likely to develop unhealthy eating habits, which can range from skipping meals to full-fledged anorexia or abusing diet pills.

*Parental influence and involvement is an important tool in preventing substance abuse. Regularly sitting down for a meal with your children is one way to connect with them and be involved with what is happening in their lives.

What Should We Talk About?

*Ask everyone to share their favorite part or biggest challenge of the day.
Plan and then let the kids pick tasks for the next day's menu, preparation, and cleanup.

*Exchange memories about your favorite family pastimes.

*Discuss an activity the family can do together and then put it on the calendar.

*Talk with your children about a book they are reading or a movie they have seen. It might turn into a family book club or a regular movie and popcorn night!

*Ask the kids about their classes, homework, teachers, and upcoming assignments. Find out if they would like your help or want to brainstorm on an assignment.

The importance of regular family activities to share ideas and find out "what's happening" is a great way for a parent to be involved, discuss rules, monitor activities and friends, and be a good role model. The benefits of eating together will last long after your meal ends, especially if you make family mealtimes a regular activity. Take the family meal off the endangered species list and move it back to the VIP list!

SOURCE: http://family.samhsa.gov/get/mealtime.aspx