Family Vacations are Not Just About the Kids

Family vacations are a great way to spend quality time with the whole family. It’s certainly nice to have the kids all to yourself without the distractions of friends, homework, and activities. You can have the time to find out what they are thinking and to forge a stronger bond. Yet, don’t forget about your spouse.

Vacations offer a chance to rekindle your marriage, and remember why you fell in love in the first place. During a time without the pressures of work and carpooling, you can enjoy each other fully. A romantic dinner, walk on the beach, or any activity that the two of you can enjoy together and alone, will do wonders for your relationship.

After 30 years of marriage, I have the hindsight to think about the things that have made our relationship work. For one, time spent just with each other was always a priority. We enjoyed regular weekly “date nights” and always one night alone on the family vacation. Those times gave us a chance to connect and appreciate each other without distractions.

It has also provided a great example for our children, who have learned the value we’ve placed on maintaining a strong relationship. Another bonus has been the bond the kids created on their own when we weren’t around. When they were little and had babysitters, they did things with the sitter that were fun and different. They learned how to go to sleep without their parents around and discovered that their siblings were pretty fun to hang out with.

My husband and I share many interests and can look back on special moments that didn’t only revolve around our children. So many of our friends are now divorced, and I feel especially lucky to have nurtured our relationship as our children grew. Now that our youngest child prepares to go off to college, I am fortunate to have a strong relationship with my husband.

Back to School Shopping: The Preschooler’s Backpack

As stores bombard you and your toddler with many choices for backpacks, choose wisely. This investment should be able to last the full year, not cost too much, and make your child proud and excited with her choice. Believe it or not, something as seemingly insignificant as a backpack can actually help your child’s transition into preschool.

Though remembering a backpack may seem like one extra thing you don’t want to have to deal with each morning, it is the most effective way for the teachers and parents to communicate with one another.

Please allow your child to help choose her backpack. If she loves Cars or Dora, she will be excited to bring it to school and show it off to her friends. It is also a great way to allow your child to make a decision about something that is important in her life. It is fine for you to limit her selections to just a few to choose from that you feel are appropriate for her but it is important to allow her some independence with this decision.

Today, many backpacks are available with wheels on the bottom. For a middle or high school student who is lugging 25 pounds or more of books, that’s a great idea. But for toddlers, wheeled packs often become troublesome. Sometimes, the backpacks are as big as the child, and it isn’t easy for a toddler to navigate them through narrow doorways and around chairs and toys in the classroom. There is very little weight among the notes and art projects that the backpack must hold, so wheels are just not necessary for a preschooler.

Try to choose one that will easily hold an 8 1/2” by 11” piece of paper. Sometimes, we use larger paper for projects, but we can easily fold those to fit. The backpack must also be able to hold whatever the child chooses to bring in for show and tell. I’ve taught students who came with adorable tiny backpacks, which were easy to carry, but pretty much useless for their intended purpose.

And I urge all parents and teachers to check the child’s backpack every day. Sometimes there are important notes that should be reviewed right away. If your child had a rough night for some reason, it makes sense to give her teacher a heads-up, and the backpack is a great place for such a note. From the teacher’s perspective, there are times we want to inform you of something that occurred in the classroom, and it may be important that you know something that same day. It is a shame when a child doesn’t bring in a show and tell item because her parent never read the note in her backpack.

This is the time of year when you are building up preschool and preparing for a smooth transition. Allow back-to-school shopping to help in that preparation.

The Importance of Back to School Night

I just enjoyed another Back to School Night – something I will never tire of. There are many advantages for both the teacher and parents during this session. From the teacher’s perspective, I get to meet many of the parents I don’t otherwise see in the halls at school. Working moms and dads generally make an effort to visit their children’s Back to School Night to actually see the teacher in person. I find it invaluable to meet as many of my students’ parents as possible.

It also allows the teacher an opportunity to tell the parents what her priorities are. From mundane tidbits regarding the correct size of the backpack to more important toileting matters, to most important learning concepts, an open dialogue between the teacher and parents is imperative. The session gives teachers a chance to demonstrate what their kids do every day at school. It’s hard for parents to imagine how a three year old actually learns, and this is our opportunity to share the curriculum.

Finally, this night forms a bond between the teacher and parents. While it isn’t the time to talk specifically in detail about how a child is doing, it is a chance for the teacher to tell the parents how adorable, kind, special, their child is.

From the parents’ perspective, it’s an opportunity to experience what their children are doing on the other side of the classroom door. They can see the teacher’s learning style and find out what they can be doing at home to support in-class learning. For example, we urge parents to allow their children to practice cutting at home because it’s a difficult skill that requires a lot of practice. We even show them the type of scissors to buy and where they can purchase them.

The parents also get to meet their children’s peers’ parents at this meeting. Play dates are invaluable, and now that the parents know each other, they are eager to set up get-togethers among their kids.

But, the very best part of all is the incredible slide show. We had almost 100 pictures of our students in action. They painted, laughed, played, and learned and the parents got to see them uncensored.

A big thank you to my classes’ parents because they all took the time to get babysitters and come to Back to School Night. What an enjoyable night it was!

Tips to Keep Your Children in their Own Beds

Everyone’s excited now that your child has moved from his crib into his big boy bed. Now things will be easier for the family…..or, maybe not. This new experience may be exciting for him, but it’s also a little scary. Plus, it’s easy to climb out of a bed. Getting him to stay in his bed all night is important, and you must set the rule right away. Here are a few tips to help:

1. Remind him that he has this awesome bed because he's a big boy now. But that means he must accept the responsibility comes with that. That means there are a few important rules. The first rule is that he must call for you if he wants to get out of bed. Initially, he may call for you often, but you must stick to your guns that he is not allowed to get out of bed without you.

2. If he calls for you repeatedly, tell him that the next rule is that there are only certain times when he is allowed to ask for you. If he feels afraid or is having a bad dream he can certainly call for you. Also, if he has to go to the bathroom, he should let you know, although be sure he uses the bathroom before bed to help avoid that situation. Limit his drinking before bed so he doesn't wake up thirsty.

Initially, he will likely cry for you in the middle of the night and tell you he's scared, because he wants to come into your bed. At that point you will be exhausted, and it’s easier to say yes, but, try to avoid that. Once he enjoys the comfort of snuggling with Mommy and Daddy in bed, it will be very hard to take away that privilege. There are certainly special circumstances where you welcome a family bed, such as a loud, scary storm, but you have to put your foot down on most other occasions.

3. For the times when he does call you, go into his room as opposed to having him come into yours. Ask him what's wrong in a gentle, soothing voice. If he says he had a scary dream, encourage him to tell you about it and reassure him that it was just a dream and he's very safe. It’s often helpful to place a nightlight by his bed so he can see his surroundings.Cloud B : Twilight Turtle
Tell him you'll stay with him for five minutes until he falls back asleep, but you need to go back to sleep too. If he doesn't fall asleep in five minutes and starts to cry when you try to leave, tell him that you will wait out in the hall for five more minutes. Place a clock by his bed so you can show him exactly what five minutes means. Most importantly, you have to follow through on what you say. If he still calls for you, tell him that you are going to bed, he is safe and you both need your sleep. You have to let him cry, and that isn’t easy.

I know that it is so much simpler to give in, especially when you are all sleep deprived. Yet, if you nip it in the bud right away, he will understand that this is the way it is going to be. Then, on the special occasions when you allow him in your bed, he will recognize that it is truly a special occasion.

Gardening at Home with your Kids Encourages Tasting Healthy Foods

Michelle Obama is teaching families about the benefits of growing your own vegetables in a garden in your yard. Of course, you don’t have to live in the White House to share her vision that growing your own food is important today. There are many benefits to enjoying a home garden with your kids. For one, they are more likely to taste foods that they have watered and nurtured. Additionally, it’s a fun shared experience that you can enjoy together, as well as a way to teach your kids about nature and the environment.

I asked Meredith Melendez, Horticulture Consultant at the Rutgers Cooperative Extension Burlington County branch, for tips on how to get the most out of your garden. For starters, I wondered if home grown vegetables are, in fact, healthier than ones bought at the supermarket. “That’s debated a lot, but I like growing my own vegetables because I know what I’ve done to them,” she explained. “I know my comfort level when it comes to dealing with pests and disease and so I treat my plants accordingly. I think control over what you’re putting in your mouth is comforting to people.”

When planning your garden, Melendez recommends that you take time to think about why you want a garden. There are so many different reasons. It might be because you want to grow your own food or it could be that you want to expose your kids to the natural environment. The focus with the White House has really been producing food, but in terms of kids in the garden, it’s just great to create these outdoor environments for them to experience nature on their own, and in a supervised setting.



There are plenty of free catalogs that you can look through to figure out what piques your interest and start in that direction. Next, choose your garden’s location carefully. Your plot is really important in terms of how much sunlight it’s going to get and how the soil’s been treated. There’s a lot of information now on shade gardens, but when it comes to getting fruit and vegetables out of a shady area, that’s where it gets really tough.

Melendez recommends that folks get their soil tested. In New Jersey you can do that through Rutgers Cooperative Extension for a $15 fee. Check out Master Gardener Programs where you live for a similar testing service. That will tell you your soil Ph which is really important for the types of plants that you can grow in that soil, and it will also tell you the nutrients available in that soil. From that information you can get tips regarding fertilizer, lime, and ways to get the soil at the right composition for what you want to grow.

Whether or not growing your vegetables will actually save you money is debatable, in terms of the money you spend to create and sustain your garden. But, Melendez sees other benefits in growing your own. “I know we eat more vegetables because they’re coming out of our garden than if I had to go to the store to purchase them, so it’s a great way to get my family involved in growing these things,” she points out.” It certainly helps with my kids. If they pick it, they tend to eat it more than if we just bought it at the store.”

Parents and Teachers Must be Vigilant about Kids’ Allergies

At my school, parents must fill out many forms at the beginning of the school year, all designed to keep the students as safe as possible. One of those forms is dedicated to allergies. It is vitally important that parents take the time to be thorough with this information, and that teachers take the time to read it and follow it strictly.

Many years ago I taught a student who suddenly broke out in a horrendous rash. We immediately called her mother, who came to school right away. We explained that the kids had just eaten their snack, and when we spoke with the children, we found out that the child had eaten another student’s peanut. It turned out that she was allergic to them. The unbelievable part of the story is that this mother hadn’t informed us that her daughter was allergic to peanuts.

This couldn’t happen today because our school is peanut free, and the awareness of the dangers of peanut allergies is high. Yet, there are so many new allergies that children have today that as teachers, we must be vigilant that children aren’t eating anything they shouldn’t have.

That’s not always easy to do. Room parents often bring in snacks for parties and special occasions. Parents bake cupcakes for their children’s birthdays to share with the class. It is always possible that there’s some contamination within a person’s kitchen. For example, maybe one of their kids ate peanut butter and a tiny bit was left on the counter where the cookies were placed to cool. No one meant for peanut residue to attach to that cookie, but it could happen. When you read the labels of most chocolate chip or M&M bags, there’s a warning that they were manufactured in a plant that also makes peanut products.

Allergies are very scary, especially in young children. Together we must all work to keep them safe.

Does Age Really Matter in Potty Training?

I find that more families are holding off on potty training their children. Years ago, most children were trained before their third birthday. Today, I have some four year olds who are just being trained. Does it matter? That’s a personal decision, but I believe that when a child is ready, it’s important to take those cues and get the job done.

Sonia was a four year child I taught who was bright, articulate, and strong willed. She was the only child in our class who still wore a diaper. When we would encourage Sonia to use the potty, she would, though reluctantly. She simply didn’t want to be bothered. Though we encouraged her at school, her parents didn’t reinforce this at home, so there was no consistency in her training.

In my opinion, Sonia should have been trained by this time. She understood and recognized how it felt when she needed to use the bathroom. It got to the point where other children would make fun of her for still wearing a diaper. She wore dresses a lot, and when she sat at circle, her diaper was obvious. The kids love to talk about the characters on their underwear, and Sonia seemed embarrassed that she was still in diapers.

Experts say that it’s easiest to potty train a toddler when she’s ready. Watch for those signs from your child and take advantage of the opportunity. Cleaning the bottom of a four year old is not a fun experience. By four, most children should be using the toilet.

Raising Good Eaters

There’s enough research now that proves that what we eat, even as babies, will determine a lot about our health as we grow. Getting your child to be a well rounded eater as a toddler is important in keeping her fit and healthy throughout her life.

Too often, a child says she doesn’t like something without ever trying it. I feel that parents do a great disservice to their children by not encouraging them to taste an array of foods. Some parents cook one meal for themselves and something else for the children because the kids will only eat chicken fingers, pizza or macaroni and cheese. Once the children get into the habit of demanding such a limited menu, it will be more difficult for them to want to try new things as they get older.

Also, those old standbys are not nearly as healthy as other foods, including fish, poultry that isn’t fried, and fresh fruit and vegetables. If you give your child the same meal that everyone else in the family is enjoying, and you refuse to make a separate dish for just that child, she will realize that she has to try it. Sometimes adding ketchup or another sauce that can change the food’s flavor will make it more appetizing. But, if you tell her she has to eat what everyone else is eating, and then if she refuses, you make her macaroni and cheese anyway, she will learn that she doesn’t have to try new foods.

Every Wednesday in our classroom we have healthy snack day, and one parent brings in a healthy treat for the class. We’ve enjoyed everything from fresh fruit salad to cream cheese on celery, to frozen yogurt. We try very hard to encourage every child to taste whatever the snack is. If they try it and don’t like it, we’ll give them pretzels, which is our old standby that everyone seems to like. But if we offer them two types of snacks and they refuse to taste either, they have made the choice to skip snack that day.

Here’s a story that happened in school. One day we made ‘Stone Soup’ in class after reading the story by the same name. Of course, we skipped the stone, but we put in carrots, onions, potatoes, tomatoes, alphabet noodles and seasoning. Every child tasted the soup, and most of them enjoyed it. When Becky’s mother picked her up that day, she was certain that her daughter had refused to taste the soup. To her surprise, we told her that Becky had eaten every drop. Her mother insisted that Becky would never touch a vegetable at home, and wondered what we did to get her to eat vegetable soup.

Part of the appeal was the fact that Becky helped make the soup. We gave each child a plastic knife and we softened the carrots and potatoes enough that the children were able to cut through them. Every child also had a turn to stir the soup. But Becky also knew that we expected her to at least taste the soup. As the other children around her were enjoying it, she realized that it was okay to like it.

If you offer your child the foods that the rest of your family is eating, she has two choices – she can taste them, or she can be hungry. At some point, her hunger will force her to find something on the table that she’s willing to eat. But, if you give in and make mac and cheese and chicken nuggets for every meal, your child will never learn to eat new and healthy foods.

Remember Your Spouse During Family Vacations

We just returned from a family beach vacation. One night my kids, now 22, 19, and 16, asked if my husband and I planned to have a night alone without them. That's a natural question on our family vacations, because in the past, we always reserved one “alone night” for mom and dad. We would either hire a babysitter from the hotel when they were little, or as they got old enough to stay alone in the room together, we’d let them rent a movie.

I’ve been married 29 years, happily, and I think part of the reason is that my husband and I always made time together a priority. Whether it was date night once a week throughout our years together, or a night alone on the family vacation, we found time for each other.

I believe this has been a wonderful example for our children. They recognize the importance for us in maintaining a strong relationship, and frankly, I think they always enjoyed their time together without the parents. As more and more of our friends are separating and divorcing, I can reflect on the value of our time together.

On this particular trip, we opted out of our night alone. Now that the kids are older, we spend less time with them on a regular basis and treasure the time we have together as a family. They have grown into wonderful, enjoyable people and we are blessed that they still want to spend time with us.

Enjoy your family all the time, but don’t forget that you need to also nurture your relationship with your spouse.

The Importance of Toddlers Using Scissors

Scissor skills are important for children to practice, though some parents do not allow their toddlers to use them at home. Concerns over the child harming himself or cutting something that he shouldn’t be cutting, make parents wary of even introducing their kids to scissors. We encourage the use of scissors in school for a couple of reasons. For one, this is an important, though difficult skill, for children to master. It takes a great deal of practice for most children to even learn how to grasp a scissor correctly. Cutting is also a skill that they will need by the time they get to kindergarten, and it takes quite a bit of practice. It is also an excellent way to help develop fine motor skills.

We have three types of scissors in the classroom. For children with very weak fine motor skills, we have a pair that actually has four finger holes. The child puts his fingers into the bottom two holes while the teacher puts her fingers into the top two holes. I find them a bit awkward, but for the very beginners, it helps children learn the proper grasp and the motion of opening and closing the scissor. After that, the child can use a pair that has a spring so the scissor can open itself. The student needs to use the proper grasp, but he only needs to squeeze the scissor shut and then it will open back up automatically. Once the child is successful with this pair, he is able to move on to a regular child’s scissor.

In all cases, the scissors have rounded edges and can only cut paper. They can’t cut a child’s skin or fabric. We place a dot with a magic marker at the base of the thumb hole. This dot serves as the scissors’ ‘eye’ and must point up to the sky. That helps the child understand the way the scissor needs to be held. We then help him put his thumb into the top, smaller hole, and two or three fingers into the bottom hole. Next, we practice opening and closing, opening and closing the scissors.

Even before introducing scissors, we encourage the children to rip pieces of paper. Ripping can be a difficult task before fine motor skills are strongly developed. Some children have trouble with the ripping motion. Once they are able to rip with their hands, they have an easier time cutting with scissors.

When the children do graduate to scissors, we start by having them fringe paper as opposed to cutting it. The fringing motion is a quick opening and closing of the scissor without having to navigate moving the scissor fully across the paper. Once they can fringe, we give them straight lines to cut. Finally, they are encouraged to actually cut out shapes.

I am always amazed at how persistent children are when learning how to cut. Very few children can cut instantly. It’s a skill that takes practice. Yet, even children who have trouble cutting are willing to persevere until they find success.

Allow Children Creative Expression

I’ve had students over the years whose parents wanted perfection. Yet, the way three year olds learn is by experimenting. The more they try new things, the more they learn. Even when they create things that seem wrong to you, it is important to allow them creative expression.

One of our projects each year is a self-image picture. The child looks in a mirror and tells us what color his eyes and hair are, and how many eyes, eyelashes, nose, and mouth he has. We then give him an oval shape to serve as his face, and he creates his image. One mother approached me after viewing the self-image pictures that were hanging in the hall.

“My son put his eye where his mouth should be,” she said. “Why didn’t you fix that?”

I explained to her that the process in making the picture was more important than the finished product. To make his picture, her son, Bobby, had to cut out the circles for the eyes, use scissors to fringe the eyelashes, glue them onto the face and then draw the nose and mouth. He then chose the color yarn that he wanted for his hair and attached that to his head. There were many skills involved in this, including correctly grasping a scissor and cutting, holding a crayon, gluing and coloring. I did ask Bobby to look in the mirror one more time.

“Is that where your eyes are?” I asked him.
“They are today,” he said laughing.

For whatever reason, Bobby was in a silly mood that day. He knew where his eyes belonged, but he felt like putting one eye near his mouth. Maybe we had a budding modern artist on our hands! Because Bobby did all of the cutting, gluing, and coloring, we allowed him to be creative and complete his own interpretation of his face. By that time, he was much more interested in playing with the toy truck.

His mother felt that we should have made him fix it.
She said, “But compared to all the other pictures hanging in the hall, Bobby’s looks stupid.”

“Maybe you have the next Picasso on your hands,” I replied. “What is important in this project is the process of cutting, coloring and gluing. These activities all use fine motor skills and you can see that Bobby did an excellent job. I am sure that he knows where his eyes belong on his face, but if he wants to be creative, we prefer not to discourage him.”

I do remember years earlier when I was the mother in the hallway comparing my children’s artwork to that of their peers. It is easy to get caught up in the minutiae of the finished product. Does my child cut as well as the others? Is my son behind the curve?

Yet, the more I have worked with different children, the more I value their individualism and creativity. In preschool, kids are experimenting with different mediums often for the first time. Sometimes, just peeling a sticker off its backing is a difficult task in itself. To observe children using their imaginations in their artwork is a beautiful thing.

Is Alzheimer’s Disease Hereditary?

My husband’s grandmother had Alzheimer’s Disease, and my Mother-in-Law has always been concerned about the disease being passed down to her. I asked Dr. Robert Nagele, a researcher for the University of Medicine and Dentistry of New Jersey, if the disease is hereditary.

He explained that there is a hereditary form of Alzheimer’s Disease that is inherited, but it is a mutation that is passed on from one generation to the next and it only accounts for four percent of the total Alzheimer’s patients. Ninety-six percent are considered to be sporadic. But the disease does run in families. It ran in Dr. Nagaele’s mother’s family. There were six children in her family and of the six, two of them died of Alzheimer’s Disease and the other one had dementia which was leaning toward Alzheimer’s Disease.

Research has demonstrated that people typically suffer from Alzheimer’s Disease for several years before their symptoms are worrisome enough to visit the doctor. There are signs you can look out for if you suspect that a loved one may be suffering. Maybe Mom is starting to be unable to balance her check book, she’s forgetting where she’s placing her keys, or there are unusual behaviors such as her keys showing up in the refrigerator. Eventually it’s alarming enough that it causes you to bring her into the doctor.

Dr. Nagele points out that the disease is ongoing for about five to eight years before a person ever comes to see their doctor for the first time because the brain doesn’t take it lying down, it’s fighting back very hard. The symptoms can arise anywhere in the brain, and different parts of the brain control different functions, which makes it hard initially on the neurologist to say it’s clearly Alzheimer’s. There are tests that can be given to try and discern what’s going on.

Whatever your family history, we all know that exercise is good for our overall health, and now researchers believe that exercise and healthy eating habits will also help prevent Alzheimer’s Disease. As parents, you need to get your kids into good habits from birth. Be sure they eat healthy foods and that they spend time playing every day. Physical activity is important, and building that habit in them when they are young is essential.

Parents Must Say No

When children realize that they can always have their way at home, it makes it very hard for them to succeed in the classroom. Tanya knew that when she wanted something that her parents initially said no to, she only needed to throw a temper tantrum and she’d eventually get her way.

Very early in the school year, Tanya wanted to color at the easel, but there were already two children on either side. I told her that she’d have to wait. With that, she flung herself on the ground and started crying and beating her fists on the floor.

As it was early in the year and we didn’t know Tanya well enough yet to know if something else was wrong, I picked her up and tried to soothe her. I explained that she would have the next turn at the easel but in the meantime, she would have way more fun playing with something else while she waited instead of crying. Soon after, one of the children at the easel came over to Tanya and told her that she could take his spot. It was very sweet of him and it certainly calmed her down.

The next time a similar situation happened, we understood that this was Tanya’s behavior when she didn’t get her way. When the sweet boy tried to give in, we told him that while it was very nice of him, this was his turn at the easel and Tanya would have to wait. For the first two weeks of school, Tanya threw temper tantrums several times each week. We began making sure she was in a safe spot where she couldn’t hurt herself or someone else, but we let her cry. Sometimes while she was crying, we’d move on to another activity and Tanya realized that she had missed out on that activity altogether. It didn’t take long for her to recognize that her tears weren’t going to get her what she wanted.

At one point, I asked Tanya if she gave Mommy and Daddy a hard time at home like she was giving us at school. “Yes,” she admitted. “I throw temper tantrums at home all the time.”

“That might work for you at home,” I told her. “But it will not work for you at school.”
It didn’t take long for Tanya to figure that out.

Start Family Traditions When Your Children are Young

Family traditions are the glue that unites a family, and these special moments help mold and shape your children. Among the many traditions our family enjoys, our favorite by far takes place on Thanksgiving. Now that my children are young adults, I can witness the effect this tradition has on them.

Each Thanksgiving morning, another family joins us at a house at the beach, to assemble 40 Thanksgiving meals. Each meal includes turkey with gravy, stuffing, mashed potatoes, mixed vegetables, and cranberry sauce, filled into a carry-out container. We then add a roll, cookie, plastic silverware and a juice box, to make the meals complete.

Each person oversees a segment of the meal, whether it’s cooking, scooping, or assembling. I cook the turkeys the day before, so the whole process takes just a couple of hours. We then load the meals into boxes, get in the car, and drive to the Atlantic City boardwalk. It doesn’t take long to find people in need of food, more this year than ever before.

Practically every person we offer a meal to is incredibly appreciative. There is no greater feeling than feeding someone who is hungry, and the smiles on my children’s faces offer proof of that all day. As we seek out the people who would benefit from our meals, our family bonds. We tell jokes, actually referring to the day as “Bad Joke Holiday.” We enjoy the ocean breeze and brisk wind that often accompanies the November day and reflect on how thankful we are to be able to share with others.

This year we gave our meals out in record time. Sadly, there are too many hungry people. Yet, being able to help just a few is very meaningful to us all. It doesn’t matter what your traditions are, but repeating them year after year for your children is priceless.

Teaching Your Children Respect

Because it’s Thanksgiving, for the next few days I will be rerunning some of my earlier favorite blog entries. Have a safe, wonderful, healthy holiday! Happy Thanksgiving!

Something happened recently with my 15 year old that reminded me how important it is for parents to begin teaching their children respect when they are very young. My son and a couple of his friends, little men already at 5'10" with sprouting facial hair, and deep voices, had an encounter with some neighbors. The boys have cut through these people's property for the three years we've lived here, as a short-cut to the Bagel Shop across the street.

My son has chatted up the man who lives there, as he is usually on his riding mower or working in the yard. Yesterday, his wife came out and, to give my son's version, she started screaming at the boys for cutting through her property. He came home and told me about the encounter, and said that he and his friends just kept on walking.

About an hour later, this couple rang my doorbell. I had never met them before. They felt that the boys were disrespectful while she was trying to talk to them. They weren't upset about the cutting through, just about their view that the boys ignored her while she was speaking.

She was absolutely right. Both my son and I apologized and he explained that it wasn't his intention to ignore her. He was very sorry. Later, I picked up an impatien plant as a peace offering, and all three boys accompanied me to their home. This time, we took the long route instead of cutting through.

We rang the doorbell and this woman looked at the boys and plant and had the hugest smile on her face. The boys apologized again, and she was overwhelmed. She gave each of us a hug and thanked us for the gesture.

When I initially informed the boys that I couldn't make them come with me, but I thought it was the right thing to do, they moaned, groaned and obviously didn't want to come. Yet, on the way home, (this time cutting through the yards,) they thanked me for making them go. It was just really a nice human moment.

As a teacher, I have been disappointed to note the lack of manners so many of my students demonstrate. By three and four years old, they should be saying please and thank you on a regular basis. That is the exception in my experience, not the rule. I don't understand why this is happening. Manners are the basic form of respect.

In my classroom, the children learn very quickly that they must use good manners. Of course, there will be mistakes along the way....as in the story about my 15 year old. Children model their parents' behaviors, so begin by using good manners at home. Trust me, teachers can tell which kids learn it at home and which don't.

Washing Hands will Help Avoid the H1N1 (Swine) Flu

Regular hand washing will help stop the spread of illnesses, including the H1N1 (Swine) flu. It’s important to teach children how to wash their hands effectively. According to the Centers for Disease Control, there are several steps which parents and teachers can pass on to their children and students:

1. Hands should be washed using soap and warm, running water
2. Hands should be rubbed vigorously during washing for at least 20 seconds with special attention paid to the backs of the hands, wrists, between the fingers and under the fingernails
3. Hands should be rinsed well while leaving the water running
4. With the water running, hands should be dried with a single-use towel
5. Turn off the water using a paper towel, covering washed hands to prevent re-contamination.

In the school where I teach, we build hand washing into the daily schedule, and we try to make it fun. With two teachers we are able to divide the class in half, with one half using the bathroom sink and the other half standing on a stool in front of the large sink. Just jumping up and down from the stool is a treat. We also have the children sing either the ABC’s or a hand-washing song to ensure they are spending 20 seconds on the process.

The mother of a 4 year old questioned the school’s policy on hand washing, after her son had gotten sick twice within just a couple of weeks. Neither time he had the H1N1 flu, but she was extremely worried that he might get that next. This mother urged the Preschool Director to have the teachers wash the students’ hands more often.

In our classroom, the children wash their hands with soap and water each time they use the bathroom. They also wash them after playtime which comes just before snack. We wash them once again when they come in from the playground. Though our kids are only in school for 2 ½ hours, three days a week, we feel the time we spend on hand washing is important.

This mother, however, wondered why we didn’t wash the children’s hands as soon as they entered the classroom in the morning. Certainly, we could do that, but with a dozen or more children in the average classroom, that is a time consuming process. If the parent or caretaker washes each child’s hands before entering the classroom, that will allow more time for other valuable activities.

I have always been a big believer in allowing kids to come in contact with germs, because they ultimately need to build defenses against them. Yet, the H1N1 has changed my thinking, at least until this epidemic is behind us. We can all take part in doing our share to help protect our kids.

Eating Disorders Can Begin as Early as Preschool

Eating disorders have increased by about 50 percent in the last ten years, according to Lori Feldman-Winter, MD, MPH, Division Head of Adolescent Medicine at Cooper University Hospital. The most common eating disorder today is ED-NOS, Eating Disorders Not Otherwise Specified. Young girls can become preoccupied with eating and dieting as early as pre-school, even though the behaviors may not show up until later. “This is difficult, because over time, the thought patterns become ingrained,” says Dr. Feldman-Winter. “We would like to identify these thought patterns as early as possible because that’s going to lead to a more likely, complete resolution of the disorder.”

Predominantly girls are affected, with only 5-10 percent of boys having eating issues. Typically, these girls have a distortion in body image. Doctors are able to show a patient illustrations of different body images, and ask the girl to circle the one who she believes mostly resembles her own body. “Very often, there’s a big disparity between the girl she circles and where she actually falls in her own BMI (body mass index) percentile,” says Dr. Feldman-Winter.

The most important thing parents can do is to teach their children healthy eating and exercise habits. With an obesity epidemic in our country, there’s a lot of talk about weight and dieting. “We’re trying to shift that focus to proper nutrition and physical activity,” she explains. “Proper nutrition starts from birth. Everybody thinks that really fat babies are cute, but now we realize that really fat babies may be at risk for having problems with obesity.”

Parents and other adults must also be careful about comments they make that may be harmful to a girl’s self-esteem. A mother complaining about her own appearance, or a coach pushing a dancer to hold her stomach in, can help trigger a girl’s distorted perception of her own body image.

If you notice that your child is restricting what she’s eating, that may be cause for concern. As a child grows, she must gain weight to maintain that growth. If she is getting taller but not gaining weight, that is a red flag. Also, if she makes comments suggesting a disgust with fatness, she may turn that inward. If you are concerned, take your child to her doctor where she can get the help she needs to get back on track before serious, irreversible damage is done.

Eating Disorders Give Young Girls Control

At thirteen years old, bright, out-going Katie, had lost 20 pounds on her 100 pound frame. It was tough being in eighth grade, with all the “drama,” Katie remembers. Diagnosed with anorexia nervosa, an eating disorder that involves limiting the amount of food a person eats,
Katie needed therapy to help her gain the weight back.

Sadly, two years later, she faced anorexia for the second time, after breaking up with her boyfriend of two and a half years. “I just kind of stopped eating,” she explains. “I didn’t have any appetite because I was so sad. But then it got to the point where being able to not eat felt good, because it felt like I had control over that part of my life.”

Control is the key to eating disorders, according to Lori Feldman-Winter, MD, MPH, Division Head of Adolescent Medicine at Cooper University Hospital. Eating disorders come from a combination of psychological issues, biological issues such as a genetic predisposition, and social issues. There is a lot of pressure on kids today academically, socially, and through the media. More than ever before, parents today are extremely involved in the decisions their children must make.

“Kids used to have a lot more freedom in the past, and sometimes, with this sort of authoritarian parenting style, I think lack of freedom sends a very loud message to kids, which is that they’re not capable of making their own decisions,” explains Dr. Feldman-Winter. “Very often, kids will try to find something that they can be in control of.”

Eating disorders have increased by about 50 percent in the last ten years, she points out. The most common eating disorder today is ED-NOS, eating disorders not otherwise specified. Young girls can become preoccupied with eating and dieting as early as pre-school, even though the behaviors may not show up until later. “This is difficult, because over time, the thought patterns become ingrained,” says Dr. Feldman-Winter. “We would like to identify these thought patterns as early as possible because that’s going to lead to a more likely, complete resolution of the disorder.”

Tomorrow I will talk more about eating disorders and the warning signs parents can watch out for.

Finding and Keeping a Great Caregiver

When my kids were small and I worked full-time, I was fortunate to have some wonderful caregivers. Yet, finding the right person was cause for major stress. My husband and I tended to choose women who generally stayed for only a year, because they ended up going back to school, starting families of their own, or moving into office jobs. Though that meant starting the process all over again, with few exceptions, the sitters we chose were phenomenal.

When it’s time to choose a caregiver, there are many things to consider. Do you want that person to drive your children? For my family, that was a must. If so, you need to be sure they have a clean driving record and a reliable car. Whenever possible, I would let the sitter use my car which I knew was safe.

Do you need flexibility of hours? If you travel or have a schedule that isn’t always fixed, the sitter will need to be flexible. You may even need her to spend the night on occasion. If so, is there a place where she can comfortably stay in your home?

Of course, references are vital. I was all set to hire Mary Poppins, or so she seemed, until one of her references warned me not to hire her. Unfortunately, not all references are honest, and some certainly may have grudges for whatever reason, but you have no choice but to listen to what they tell you.

When interviewing a potential candidate, have her spend some time with your children. See how she interacts with them and them with her. Does she instantly find a game to play or some way to connect with the kids? Do the kids seem to relate to her? How is her tone of voice?

If you can, try to be around the first day she sits. Maybe work from home if possible, or pop in and out several times throughout the day. Try to stay out of her way to encourage her to take charge, but you can keep and eye and ear out to see how it’s going. For the first week, if you can, have your spouse, parent, or neighbor check in occasionally. Set up play dates with neighbors and see what the neighbor thinks of how your sitter is doing with your children.

We had a wonderful sitter who had an eyebrow ring. That certainly wouldn’t be top on my list, but she was so great with the kids that I had to let my feelings about that go. Another one smoked and that was a fireable offense. She said she’d only smoke outside, but I could smell it the moment I walked in the house.

Your child’s teachers will also get a great sense of your sitter. How do the kids react when she picks them up? Is she receptive to passing on communication between the parents and the teachers? Is she on time?

Your children are the most precious thing in the world, and finding someone to fill in for you is never easy. Take your time, take a deep breath, and do your homework. And, if you suspect things aren’t going well, move on.

Special Holiday Gifts in an Especially Tough Economy

One of the positive by-products of this difficult economy is that many people are rediscovering basic family values. As the holidays approach, remember that homemade gifts truly are special, most notably when they come from your toddlers.

Now that my kids are grown, I relish their tiny handprint works of art that they gave me when their fingers were so small. I still use the pencil holder my daughter made out of an old can when she was in the fourth grade. I even continue to put out holiday decorations that were my kids’ original creations, and there is no price that can be put on their value.

While abstract art is fabulous, be creative if you want to find something useful for the recipient of the gift. Christmas ornaments and Chanukah menorahs can be displayed and enjoyed year after year. Signing a work of art with handprints and dating it, will allow you to compare the child’s growth along with his artistic development. What’s more fun than paining feet and walking across a giant greeting card?!

I am not a crafty person, but anyone can create a collage. Choose an old shoe box, and help your children cut pictures and sayings from magazines or used wrapping paper that symbolize the person the gift will be for. Glue the pictures all over the shoe box, the more the better. This is a time consuming project and your loved one will not only enjoy reading the words and seeing the pictures meant solely for her, but she can have fun reading the box over and over throughout the years.

As your children get older, they can help you create CD’s with special songs intended for someone they love, and there are lots of websites that help you create personalized calendars very inexpensively.

So this year, take some of the pressure off and enjoy spending time making something meaningful with your children. Happy Holidays!