Use Realistic Punishments with Kids

Nobody ever said parenting was easy. It isn’t fun to discipline our kids, but that’s our job. Even though it’s sometimes easier to just give in than have yet another battle, children need limits and it’s our job to be sure they know what these limits are. That is often done through punishments when the kids stray outside the boundaries we have set.

It’s important to make sure that a punishment fits the crime, and that whatever we threaten, we must follow through. Otherwise, your message will be lost. Consider the story of Trevor.

Trevor was a child in our class who figured out very quickly that his father’s threats were usually idle. One day, we went to the grocery store on a field trip. Trevor was very excited and just wanted to touch everything he saw. First, he grabbed an apple from the shelf, which caused several more apples to roll to the ground. His father reminded him that he wasn’t allowed to touch the food. A moment later, Trevor grabbed a cucumber. This time, Trevor’s father raised his voice and told his son that if he touched one more thing they were going home. Five minutes later, Trevor nabbed a candy bar off another shelf. Again, his father told him to stop touching things or they would go home.

And yet again, Trevor took another item from the shelf. Though his father got angrier, he continued to threaten to leave without having any intention of doing so. There was no incentive for Trevor to stop touching things because he knew there would be no consequence.




Trevor’s dad had two choices. He could have threatened to leave and then actually left, or he could have used another punishment that he could follow through on. For example, he might have told Trevor that if he touched something else, they’d have to sit for five minutes and miss out on the class visiting the lobster tank in the seafood department. Once he followed through on that threat, Trevor would be disappointed to miss seeing the lobsters, but he would know that his father meant what he said.

Parents need to walk the walk, not just talk the talk. You have to let your children know that you mean what you say. If you follow through the first time, the kids will be less apt to challenge you the next time.

Toddler Discipline: The Importance of Following Through

I find that, in general, parents are indulging their children more now than ever, and when it comes to disciplining their toddler, they neglect to follow through. For various reasons, they seem to find it difficult to say no to their child, even though they know they should. This behavior sets a bad precedent because it will make discipline even more difficult as the children get older, when he may encounter more dangerous situations.

Children need rules and structure and they must know that there are limits for their own well-being. Parents must teach their children these rules, and then they need to enforce them. As a parent, you are responsible for your children’s safety, and it is your job to teach them how to be able to function cooperatively in society.

Some parents can’t say no because they want to be best friends with their child and don’t want their little one to be angry or disappointed. One such mother recognized that she should put her foot down more often, but worked to avoid these situations instead of addressing them. So, when we were selling pretzels in the school lobby as a fundraiser, this mother felt obligated to buy her son a pretzel every day after school.

“I object to your selling pretzels,” she told the fundraiser coordinator. “My kid comes out every day and wants a pretzel. I say no, but he carries on and I have to buy him one. Then he’s not hungry for lunch.”

Needless to say, her protests fell on deaf ears. It would have been a far greater lesson for her son had she told him that just because the pretzels are there, it doesn’t mean they have to buy one. It is almost lunch time and if he eats a big pretzel now, he won’t be hungry for lunch. As a special treat, she’ll buy him a pretzel on Friday, as a reward for being a good boy all week and not asking for a pretzel every day.

You can say no to your child and still have him love and respect you. You are his parent, not his best friend. Learning to discipline your child when he is very young, and understanding the importance of following through on a punishment, will serve you and your child well throughout his life.

Please send comments to terribakman@gmail.com