Babysitters can cost a fortune, and finding a steady night each week to escape with your spouse is tough. But, it's vitally important to find a way to make it work. The time alone that you and your spouse spend is invaluable. It allows you to connect in a calm atmosphere where you can actually enjoy uninterupted conversation. It also demonstrates to your kids that you value your adult relationship and make it a point to carve time out to be alone together.
I encourage parents to begin doing this when their children are infants. It sets a standard that the child gets used to without questioning. If you wait until your child is old enough to question why you're leaving her, it will make the separation much more difficult for all of you.
Since babysitters and entertainment out can be expensive, there are ways to get away without breaking the bank. Relatives are always great babysitters if you're lucky enough to have ones available. If not, start a co-op with close friends and neighbors who you trust. You take care of their kids on Friday night, if they'll take care of yours on Sunday.
Many restaurants have off hour or early bird specials. Take advantage of these, as well as coupons. Take a hike in the woods, or visit a park and grab an ice cream cone after. What you do together doesn't matter, as long as it's something you both enjoy. It will give you the time to keep your relationship fresh and prove to your spouse that you value him/her and enjoy time alone. It also gets your child used to spending time without you, even for just one night a week.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Friday, July 17, 2009
Getting your Kids to Sleep in their Own Beds
Your child finally grows from his crib into his big boy bed. Whoo-hoo! Or, so you thought. Maybe he could climb out of his crib, but getting out of his bed is simple and fun. Here are a few tips to keep him in his bed all night:
1. Remind him that he has this way cool bed because he's a big boy now. Responsibility comes with that....that means a few rules. One rule is that he must call for you if he wants to get out of bed. At first, he may call for you a lot, but the first step is that he's not allowed to get out of bed without you.
2. If he starts calling for you excessively, explain that the next rule is that there are only certain times when he can call for you. If he's having a bad dream or feels afraid he can certainly call for you. Or, if he has to go to the bathroom, although be sure he uses the bathroom before bed to help avoid that problem. Give him a small drink before bed so he doesn't wake up thirsty.
No doubt, he will cry for you in the middle of the night and tell you he's scared, because he wants to come into your bed. At all costs, try to avoid that. It's easier at times to let him, but once he enjoys the comfort of snuggling with Mommy and Daddy in bed, it will be very hard to wean him of the privilege. Of course, there are special circumstances, such as a loud, scary storm, where you welcome a family bed, but you have to put your foot down on most other occassions.
3. When he calls you, go into his room and ask him what's wrong. If he says he had a scary dream, let him tell you about it and reassure him that it was just a dream and he's very safe. A nightlight by his bed is often important so he can see his surroundings. Tell him you'll stay with him for five minutes until he falls back asleep, but you are very tired and you need to go back to sleep too. If he doesn't fall asleep in five minutes and starts to cry when you try to leave, tell him that you will wait out in the hall for five more minutes, but then you are going to your own bed by yourself. It is helpful to have a clock by his bed so you can show him exactly what five minutes means. You have to follow through on what you say. If he still calls for you, tell him that you are going to bed, he is safe and you both need your sleep. Then, you have to let him cry.
I know that it is so much easier to give in, but if you nip it in the bud right away, he will understand that he has no choice. Then, on the special occasions when you allow him in your bed, he will recognize that it is truly a special occasion.
I have also had parents tell me that they allowed their child in their room, but the child had to lay on a blanket on the floor. This worked for them, although I don't really see the distinction between the floor and the bed. The point is to set the boundary that his room is where he sleeps and your room is where you sleep.
If you have any other suggestions, please hit comment below and pass them on!
1. Remind him that he has this way cool bed because he's a big boy now. Responsibility comes with that....that means a few rules. One rule is that he must call for you if he wants to get out of bed. At first, he may call for you a lot, but the first step is that he's not allowed to get out of bed without you.
2. If he starts calling for you excessively, explain that the next rule is that there are only certain times when he can call for you. If he's having a bad dream or feels afraid he can certainly call for you. Or, if he has to go to the bathroom, although be sure he uses the bathroom before bed to help avoid that problem. Give him a small drink before bed so he doesn't wake up thirsty.
No doubt, he will cry for you in the middle of the night and tell you he's scared, because he wants to come into your bed. At all costs, try to avoid that. It's easier at times to let him, but once he enjoys the comfort of snuggling with Mommy and Daddy in bed, it will be very hard to wean him of the privilege. Of course, there are special circumstances, such as a loud, scary storm, where you welcome a family bed, but you have to put your foot down on most other occassions.
3. When he calls you, go into his room and ask him what's wrong. If he says he had a scary dream, let him tell you about it and reassure him that it was just a dream and he's very safe. A nightlight by his bed is often important so he can see his surroundings. Tell him you'll stay with him for five minutes until he falls back asleep, but you are very tired and you need to go back to sleep too. If he doesn't fall asleep in five minutes and starts to cry when you try to leave, tell him that you will wait out in the hall for five more minutes, but then you are going to your own bed by yourself. It is helpful to have a clock by his bed so you can show him exactly what five minutes means. You have to follow through on what you say. If he still calls for you, tell him that you are going to bed, he is safe and you both need your sleep. Then, you have to let him cry.
I know that it is so much easier to give in, but if you nip it in the bud right away, he will understand that he has no choice. Then, on the special occasions when you allow him in your bed, he will recognize that it is truly a special occasion.
I have also had parents tell me that they allowed their child in their room, but the child had to lay on a blanket on the floor. This worked for them, although I don't really see the distinction between the floor and the bed. The point is to set the boundary that his room is where he sleeps and your room is where you sleep.
If you have any other suggestions, please hit comment below and pass them on!
Thursday, July 16, 2009
When Parents are More Concerned with Their Cell Phones than Their Children: a Teacher's View
Teachers see just about everything. So did kids, even little ones. It's important for parents to demonstrate that their children are important through their actions. Here's an example of what not to do.
It is not always easy for working parents to find the time to come into school, but when they can, their children are proud and pleased to have them there. For Roxanne’s fourth birthday, her mother and father both came to school to share in her celebration. We typically invite the family to come for about a half hour. That gives us enough time to sing happy birthday, enjoy a special treat, and if the parent wants to, he can read a story to the class.
Roxanne’s father came ten minutes past the scheduled time, and walked into the classroom talking on his cell phone. He didn’t acknowledge the fact that he completely interrupted what was happening in the classroom. Five minutes later, he got off the phone, not even uttering an apology or explanation. We sang happy birthday to Roxanne, and while the children were enjoying their snack, her father read them a story.
Midway into the story, his cell phone rang again. Unbelievably, he answered the phone and proceeded to speak to the caller. He talked for a couple of minutes, hung up and then continued reading the book.
I have no doubt that he was a businessman who believed that his phone conversations were important. Yet, his utter disregard for the students, his daughter, and the teachers was unconscionable. He should have turned off the phone before coming into the room, but if he had some emergency to handle, he needed to explain that and then take the call out in the hall. This man was concerned only with himself and had no appreciation for anyone else. The only thing that mattered was what he needed at that moment, even over his daughter. At four years old, kids already understand where they fit in the pecking order. What kind of lesson was this to teach his child?
It is not always easy for working parents to find the time to come into school, but when they can, their children are proud and pleased to have them there. For Roxanne’s fourth birthday, her mother and father both came to school to share in her celebration. We typically invite the family to come for about a half hour. That gives us enough time to sing happy birthday, enjoy a special treat, and if the parent wants to, he can read a story to the class.
Roxanne’s father came ten minutes past the scheduled time, and walked into the classroom talking on his cell phone. He didn’t acknowledge the fact that he completely interrupted what was happening in the classroom. Five minutes later, he got off the phone, not even uttering an apology or explanation. We sang happy birthday to Roxanne, and while the children were enjoying their snack, her father read them a story.
Midway into the story, his cell phone rang again. Unbelievably, he answered the phone and proceeded to speak to the caller. He talked for a couple of minutes, hung up and then continued reading the book.
I have no doubt that he was a businessman who believed that his phone conversations were important. Yet, his utter disregard for the students, his daughter, and the teachers was unconscionable. He should have turned off the phone before coming into the room, but if he had some emergency to handle, he needed to explain that and then take the call out in the hall. This man was concerned only with himself and had no appreciation for anyone else. The only thing that mattered was what he needed at that moment, even over his daughter. At four years old, kids already understand where they fit in the pecking order. What kind of lesson was this to teach his child?
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Eat Meals Together as a Family
If your kids are still toddlers, you probably have the time to enjoy meals together as a family. Soon enough though, they’ll get involved in sports, art class, religious school, and the list goes on and on. The more kids you have involved in things, the harder it becomes to carve out a half hour for dinner when everyone can be included. It’s really hard sometimes, but you must make a family meal a priority.
Research has proven that kids who eat family meals do better in school and are less involved in dangerous behaviors. The time spent talking, debating, and even arguing over the dinner table, helps forge stronger relationships. When you show that you are interested in what your kids have to say, you will be amazed at the things they choose to share. Not only will you learn more about them, and them about you, but you get the chance to demonstrate that you value their opinions.
I pulled this off the Department of Health and Human Services Website:
*By eating with your children, it is more likely that meals will be healthier and more balanced.
*Compared to teens that have frequent family dinners, those who rarely have family dinners are three-and-a-half times more likely to have abused prescription drugs or an illegal drug other than marijuana.
*Girls who have five or more meals a week with their families are one-third less likely to develop unhealthy eating habits, which can range from skipping meals to full-fledged anorexia or abusing diet pills.
*Parental influence and involvement is an important tool in preventing substance abuse. Regularly sitting down for a meal with your children is one way to connect with them and be involved with what is happening in their lives.
What Should We Talk About?
*Ask everyone to share their favorite part or biggest challenge of the day.
Plan and then let the kids pick tasks for the next day's menu, preparation, and cleanup.
*Exchange memories about your favorite family pastimes.
*Discuss an activity the family can do together and then put it on the calendar.
*Talk with your children about a book they are reading or a movie they have seen. It might turn into a family book club or a regular movie and popcorn night!
*Ask the kids about their classes, homework, teachers, and upcoming assignments. Find out if they would like your help or want to brainstorm on an assignment.
The importance of regular family activities to share ideas and find out "what's happening" is a great way for a parent to be involved, discuss rules, monitor activities and friends, and be a good role model. The benefits of eating together will last long after your meal ends, especially if you make family mealtimes a regular activity. Take the family meal off the endangered species list and move it back to the VIP list!
SOURCE: http://family.samhsa.gov/get/mealtime.aspx
Research has proven that kids who eat family meals do better in school and are less involved in dangerous behaviors. The time spent talking, debating, and even arguing over the dinner table, helps forge stronger relationships. When you show that you are interested in what your kids have to say, you will be amazed at the things they choose to share. Not only will you learn more about them, and them about you, but you get the chance to demonstrate that you value their opinions.
I pulled this off the Department of Health and Human Services Website:
*By eating with your children, it is more likely that meals will be healthier and more balanced.
*Compared to teens that have frequent family dinners, those who rarely have family dinners are three-and-a-half times more likely to have abused prescription drugs or an illegal drug other than marijuana.
*Girls who have five or more meals a week with their families are one-third less likely to develop unhealthy eating habits, which can range from skipping meals to full-fledged anorexia or abusing diet pills.
*Parental influence and involvement is an important tool in preventing substance abuse. Regularly sitting down for a meal with your children is one way to connect with them and be involved with what is happening in their lives.
What Should We Talk About?
*Ask everyone to share their favorite part or biggest challenge of the day.
Plan and then let the kids pick tasks for the next day's menu, preparation, and cleanup.
*Exchange memories about your favorite family pastimes.
*Discuss an activity the family can do together and then put it on the calendar.
*Talk with your children about a book they are reading or a movie they have seen. It might turn into a family book club or a regular movie and popcorn night!
*Ask the kids about their classes, homework, teachers, and upcoming assignments. Find out if they would like your help or want to brainstorm on an assignment.
The importance of regular family activities to share ideas and find out "what's happening" is a great way for a parent to be involved, discuss rules, monitor activities and friends, and be a good role model. The benefits of eating together will last long after your meal ends, especially if you make family mealtimes a regular activity. Take the family meal off the endangered species list and move it back to the VIP list!
SOURCE: http://family.samhsa.gov/get/mealtime.aspx
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Breast Cancer Awareness
Though this blog is typically devoted to preschool and toddler issues, today I'm going to talk about Mom. I am now three years cancer free, and I need to periodically share my story in hopes of reaching other moms who face a similar ordeal.
According to the most recent stats from the American Cancer Society (ACS), the chance of a woman having invasive breast cancer some time during her life is about 1 in 8. The chance of dying from breast cancer is about 1 in 35. Ladies, that means that when you're in your Little Gym class and you take a look around the circle of 8 women, one of you will likely get breast cancer. Please don't think it can't happen to you.
My cancer was detected through a routine mammogram. I never felt a lump or any pain at all. In fact, after the doctors knew exactly where the lump was, they still couldn't feel it. Believe me...they tried! Because my little lump was detected so early, my oncologist dubbed it an "excellent little cancer." As cancer goes, that was a nice diagnosis to have. It was excellent because it was found early was extremely susceptible to treatment.
I went through a few surgeries and a summer of daily radiation and have been in tip top shape ever since. There is little history of breast cancer in my family - it just happened and no one knows why.
So, to be the best parent you can be, you must take care of yourself. The ACS recommends that women without a family history of breast cancer get their first mammogram at 40. If you have a history, you need to talk to your doctor about the appropriate age to begin. A mammogram is a walk in the park compared to breast cancer treatment. Take a girlfriend, build in a lunch out at a real restaurant to celebrate your health.
I'd love comments from other women, especially those who for some reason refuse to get a mammogram. I want to try to change your mind before it's too late.
According to the most recent stats from the American Cancer Society (ACS), the chance of a woman having invasive breast cancer some time during her life is about 1 in 8. The chance of dying from breast cancer is about 1 in 35. Ladies, that means that when you're in your Little Gym class and you take a look around the circle of 8 women, one of you will likely get breast cancer. Please don't think it can't happen to you.
My cancer was detected through a routine mammogram. I never felt a lump or any pain at all. In fact, after the doctors knew exactly where the lump was, they still couldn't feel it. Believe me...they tried! Because my little lump was detected so early, my oncologist dubbed it an "excellent little cancer." As cancer goes, that was a nice diagnosis to have. It was excellent because it was found early was extremely susceptible to treatment.
I went through a few surgeries and a summer of daily radiation and have been in tip top shape ever since. There is little history of breast cancer in my family - it just happened and no one knows why.
So, to be the best parent you can be, you must take care of yourself. The ACS recommends that women without a family history of breast cancer get their first mammogram at 40. If you have a history, you need to talk to your doctor about the appropriate age to begin. A mammogram is a walk in the park compared to breast cancer treatment. Take a girlfriend, build in a lunch out at a real restaurant to celebrate your health.
I'd love comments from other women, especially those who for some reason refuse to get a mammogram. I want to try to change your mind before it's too late.
Monday, July 13, 2009
Even Colic Flies By
I was at the shore watching a harried dad trying to get his colicky baby to stop crying. He looked like he was going to start crying himself. I remember those days vividly. Though "they" swear it won't happen, all three of my babies had colic. The first was the worst, not knowing what to expect. The poor kid cried day and night. He was just miserable for months.
I do remember some tricks we used. The one that worked best was holding him over my shoulder with my hands on his ankles and his stomach on my shoulder. I rocked him up and down like a lever until his crying stopped. I even tried putting him in his car seat on the running washing machine but that one never worked too well! The magic trick was switching his formula. At the time, it was Nutramigen which was liquid gold....it cost twice as much as regular formula. I remember that money was no object if it got him to stop crying.
I bring this up because it reminds me of one of my favorite songs...It Won't be like This for Long by Darius Rucker. The song talks about the stages of his daughter's life and how quickly each one flew by. Now that my oldest is 21, colic was an eternity ago. Yet, at the time, I was a new overwhelmed mom whose kid wouldn't stop crying and it seemed like that stage lasted forever.
So, whatever your children are into now that are making you tear your hair out, just take a deep breath and reassure yourself that it won't be long before they're on to the next thing. In hindsight, even colic flies by.
I do remember some tricks we used. The one that worked best was holding him over my shoulder with my hands on his ankles and his stomach on my shoulder. I rocked him up and down like a lever until his crying stopped. I even tried putting him in his car seat on the running washing machine but that one never worked too well! The magic trick was switching his formula. At the time, it was Nutramigen which was liquid gold....it cost twice as much as regular formula. I remember that money was no object if it got him to stop crying.
I bring this up because it reminds me of one of my favorite songs...It Won't be like This for Long by Darius Rucker. The song talks about the stages of his daughter's life and how quickly each one flew by. Now that my oldest is 21, colic was an eternity ago. Yet, at the time, I was a new overwhelmed mom whose kid wouldn't stop crying and it seemed like that stage lasted forever.
So, whatever your children are into now that are making you tear your hair out, just take a deep breath and reassure yourself that it won't be long before they're on to the next thing. In hindsight, even colic flies by.
Friday, July 10, 2009
Show Children Charity
I've been lucky to teach many students whose families were extremely charitable and they built that wonderful trait into their daily lives. While writing checks to a charity is certainly admirable and important, it is not as strong an example for your kids as actually doing something to help others.
One family had a tradition on their birthdays. After opening their birthday gifts, the child (or parent, depending on whose birthday it was,) would choose one gift to donate to charity. They would then travel together to physically give that gift away. It was a wonderful demonstration of the importance of helping others who are less fortunate.
Another family worked together one night each week to cook meals for a charity. They had a great time cooking by side by side, along with other families who shared their vision. Sometimes they would volunteer to bring the food to the home or actually serve the guests they had cooked for.
Since my kids were little, we have done many things to help others. Our favorite occurs every Thanksgiving when we create 40 traditional Thanksgiving meals, filled with turkey, cranberry sauce, veggies....all the fixings! A juice box, napkin, plastic ware and brownie complete the meals. We then drive to the boardwalk in Atlantic City and hand the meals out to the homeless.
It is my family's favorite day of the year, and now we've been doing this for so many years that we would all be heartbroken if the tradition ended. Watching my kids help a homeless person stick a straw into a juicebox is truly an overwhelming feeling. What could be a more basic way to help someone? When my older kids applied to college, they wrote about this experience. Their words were personal, and extremely meaningful. They truly understand what it means to give back to others.
Choose something meaningful to your family, and get your kids involved. We started off when the kids were very small by playing bingo with residents of a nursing home. There are plenty of things little kids can do, and the lessons are invaluable.
One family had a tradition on their birthdays. After opening their birthday gifts, the child (or parent, depending on whose birthday it was,) would choose one gift to donate to charity. They would then travel together to physically give that gift away. It was a wonderful demonstration of the importance of helping others who are less fortunate.
Another family worked together one night each week to cook meals for a charity. They had a great time cooking by side by side, along with other families who shared their vision. Sometimes they would volunteer to bring the food to the home or actually serve the guests they had cooked for.
Since my kids were little, we have done many things to help others. Our favorite occurs every Thanksgiving when we create 40 traditional Thanksgiving meals, filled with turkey, cranberry sauce, veggies....all the fixings! A juice box, napkin, plastic ware and brownie complete the meals. We then drive to the boardwalk in Atlantic City and hand the meals out to the homeless.
It is my family's favorite day of the year, and now we've been doing this for so many years that we would all be heartbroken if the tradition ended. Watching my kids help a homeless person stick a straw into a juicebox is truly an overwhelming feeling. What could be a more basic way to help someone? When my older kids applied to college, they wrote about this experience. Their words were personal, and extremely meaningful. They truly understand what it means to give back to others.
Choose something meaningful to your family, and get your kids involved. We started off when the kids were very small by playing bingo with residents of a nursing home. There are plenty of things little kids can do, and the lessons are invaluable.
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