The Importance of Encouraging Independence in Children

It certainly is much easier and quicker if we do things for our children, instead of taking the time to watch them muddle through simple tasks by themselves. Yet, the only way that kids will ever master skills on their own is through trial and error. Whether it’s tackling cutting skills, learning to put on a jacket by himself, potty training, or understanding that blue and yellow make green each and every time, that ‘ah-ha’ moment is priceless.

Certainly, it takes lots of practice for most kids to master something new, and there are usually missteps along the way. Many times, the child gets frustrated when a new task is difficult, and for a parent, watching that frustration can be difficult. Yet, learning perseverance is also an important skill, and we must let our kids figure things out by themselves.

Jean Thomas, MD, MSW, is a Clinical Professor in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at both The Children’s National Medical Center and The George Washington University School of Medicine in Washington, DC, who is internationally known for early childhood diagnosis and treatment strategies. She urges parents to allow their little ones to figure things out through trial and error.

“Self-confidence grows from feeling your successes, and this is true in young children, older children, and adults,” she says. “If we’ve done a good job at work, we’ve had a good day and feel proud of ourselves, and we know a little bit more about we’re going to do the next day. We’ve honed our skill. It’s the same thing for the child who has so many things new to learn. Pride motivates all of us to try harder and succeed again.”



Remember that, and give your child the time and patience he needs when figuring something out for the first time. When he gets it right, you will both be proud of his independence. While you had to wait a little longer for him to figure it out for himself at first, once he masters a new skill, he will be able to save you time in the future when he completes that task all by himself.

With Independence Come Mishaps, but Encourage Your Toddlers to do Things for Themselves

I often preach the importance of encouraging independence in your toddlers. They need to try things for themselves to discover what the world has to offer. Oftentimes, they will try something new but won’t succeed. Part of the lesson is in figuring out how to do something differently the next time, until they ultimately figure it out.

Kudos to 2 year old Brady’s mom. Her little guy so desperately wants to be just like his 4 year old big brother, that he is constantly trying to do things he isn’t yet ready for. For example, Brady was convinced he could brush his own teeth, and he actually succeeded…sort of.

Brady hopped up onto the bathroom stool and grabbed his brother’s toothbrush from the stand. He found the white stuff that he was sure goes on toothbrushes and began brushing furiously. At that moment, his mom stepped into the bathroom and realized that Brady was brushing his teeth with hand soap!

It’s not so easy to get an overabundance of hand soap out of a two year old’s mouth. Though Brady’s mom was somewhat exasperated, it was actually a wonderful moment for her son. He may have been confused about the toothpaste, but he was successful in brushing his teeth all by himself.

On another occasion, Brady observed his older brother blowing his nose into a tissue. Brady’s mother found him sitting next to an empty box of tissues and a toilet bowl filled with the ones he’d used in blowing his own nose. My kids were pretty old before they could blow their own noses, but Brady figured this difficult skill out on his own. Sure, he used up an entire box of Kleenex, and there could have been a nasty overflow in the toilet, but he taught himself an important skill.

God bless Brady’s parents and all the other parents out there with the understanding necessary to allow toddlers to learn new things. It takes a sense of humor of to be a parent. Remember that in the moments when it’s easy to forget.