Making the Most of Parent Teacher Conferences

When my kids were in preschool, I couldn’t wait for parent teacher conferences. This was a chance for an objective observer to fill me in on how my children were doing. Were they playing well with their peers? Did they enjoy learning? Were they developing appropriately?

Now that I sit on the other side of the desk, I feel the weight of the importance of these conferences. In most cases, I get to be the bearer of wonderful compliments about a child and the great parenting that has made him so successful. I’m able to point out the child’s strengths and why he is an important part of our class. What parent doesn’t want to hear good news?!

Sometimes, that good news is sprinkled with comments about a student’s weaknesses. These conferences are designed to also point out things that the parent can work on with their child. For example, if he has weak fine motor skills, we make recommendations of activities the child can do at home to strengthen his muscles. If he is struggling with numbers, we suggest games they can play to help him learn.

Yet, sometimes there are gray areas in terms of what a teacher can reasonably say. In one conference, I had to tread lightly in encouraging a parent to work harder to potty train her daughter. This child was four years old, yet still wore pull-ups. Her mother admitted that she was still too afraid to let her child go “unprotected,” in underwear. Yet, the child was bright, verbal, and a quick learner in all areas in school, and I was sure that she could be trained quickly and easily given the opportunity. In school we encouraged her to use the bathroom regularly, but without her parents following up at home, it couldn’t work.

During this conference I could feel that her mother didn’t appreciate my suggestion. In truth, when to potty train is a parent’s prerogative, and she didn’t like my suggesting that she wasn’t a good parent in this respect. Did I cross the line? I don’t think so. It is my experience that by four years old, a child should be trained unless there are other underlying issues. I felt it was my responsibility to encourage her training, and I was very willing to help out.




We compromised that she would place the child in underwear, and then put the pull-up over top of the underwear. In this way, if the child did have an accident, the pull-up would keep it from leaking out, but the child could feel the discomfort of being wet. If several days passed and the underwear remained dry, her mother could feel confident in getting rid of the pull-ups altogether.

Unfortunately, there are also conferences where we have to broach the subject of red flags that we see. Possibly the child isn’t processing information appropriately, maybe she needs help with her speech, or we are seeing something that is unusual at this age. These are never easy conversations to have, yet they are vitally important. Given early intervention, many issues can be resolved or dealt with before too much time passes.

When you have your parent teacher conference, come armed with any questions or concerns you might have. If the teacher makes a recommendation that you don’t agree with, take a deep breath and listen to what she has to say. Once you’ve had time to digest the information, you can choose to handle it in your way. But remember that she only has your child’s best interests at heart.

A Parent’s Role at Back to School Night

I already addressed the teacher’s role at back-to-school night and what parents can learn from that session. Now I want to address the parents’ role. Of course, this is not the night to have a personal conference about your child. That opportunity will come during parent-teacher conferences, or if you feel it is necessary, you can make a private appointment sooner.

Back-to-school night is the chance for you to ask your child’s teachers what the children will be learning, and what you can do at home to compliment what is taught in class. Should you read to your child every night? Should you practice his letters and numbers? Should you try to teach him how to read? Depending on your child’s age and stage of development, the answers to these questions might differ, but your child’s teachers will have basic rules of thumb that they are happy to share with you.

As a teacher of three year olds, I would encourage parents to follow their child’s lead on what he is ready to learn. For example, if you are in the grocery store, ask him the number of each aisle. If he has no clue and is way more interested in playing with the packages in the cart, don’t push it. He will let you know when he is ready to begin recognizing numbers. If he does show an interest, give him more difficult tasks to see what he is capable of learning. If he recognizes numbers, begin asking him simple math problems, such as, “if I have one green apple and one red apple, how many apples do I have all together?” If he knows the answer is two, you can make the problems more difficult.

Another opportunity you have at back-to-school night is to find out how you can help out in the classroom. Can you provide a healthy snack? Maybe come in to read in the library, or talk about your job? Teachers love having parents help out in the classroom, and your child will be thrilled to have you also. If you are able to plan ahead, that might make taking time off of work or other responsibilities easier. It will also help the teacher with lesson plans.

In our class, we ask each parent to bring in a disposable camera so we can take advantage of photo ops as they occur. Once the camera is full, that parent has the pictures developed, and gives them to the parent who is in charge of putting the yearbook together. Ask your child’s teacher if you can contribute any supplies.

Finally, this is your chance to meet your child’s peers’ parents. When my son was two, he spoke constantly about two little girls in his class. My husband and I made a special effort to meet their parents, and we ended up becoming family friends who enjoyed watching each other’s children grow. It is wonderful to find people who are in the same situation as you, and can share your questions and concerns.











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