Tips for Successful Potty Training

The mother of a three and a half year old little boy was upset because her son still wasn't potty trained. He didn’t even seem to have any interest in getting rid of his diapers. I promised her that he would be potty trained by his wedding day! Seriously though, for most every toddler, this is a problem that seems huge at the time, but will quickly be settled.

The American Academy of Pediatrics says there is no set age when toilet training should start. They suggest that the right time depends on a child's psychological and physical development. Children between 18 and 24 months often start showing signs of being ready, but there are some children who may not be ready until 30 months or older. The American Academy of Pediatrics also advises parents that if their child resists strongly, they will be better off waiting for a while.

Don’t be discouraged if you have a head-strong 3 1/2 year old, because there are some things you can try. Take your child to the local store that sells underwear with characters on it. Visit the underwear aisle and explain that he is a big boy now, and big boys are very lucky because only they can wear big boy underwear. Tell your son that he is especially lucky because you brought him to Target, or whatever the store is that you chose, where they have lots of underwear to choose from. He can pick whatever he wants.... Batman, Power Rangers, Spiderman, Bob the Builder, etc.

When you get home, let him try on his new underpants. If he can stay dry for an entire hour, he can wear them all day. Be sure he uses the potty first, to help him stay dry for the full hour. At the end of that hour, remind him to use the toilet again, and try for another hour.

He can also help you create a sticker chart that you hang on the refrigerator. Each time he successfully uses the toilet, he can help you place a sticker on the chart. When he reaches ten stickers, he has earned a special treat, such as a trip to the movies, a small toy, lunch at a restaurant, etc. If he isn’t successful at first, try to understand his state of mind. What do you think happened? Was he involved in a TV show or other activity? Is he just really not ready, in spite of the new cool underwear? If it's the former and he really wants to try again, let him. Maybe shorten the time frame to a half hour, reminding him at that point to try to use the potty. If you sense that he just really isn't ready, don't push it. Explain that you'll wash the underwear and put it in his room, and you'll try again in a week.

Odds are that some of his friends are already trained. Try to encourage a play date where he'll see them use the toilet. That alone might be enough to spark his interest. By 3 1/2, when he decides he's ready he will probably catch on very quickly. He most likely does not have a bladder control issue, it’s just that he needs to decide for himself when he's ready.

When the weather is warm, take advantage of it as a great time to train, because you can be outdoors where it's easier to clean up accidents. Potty training is hard work but you have to be consistent.

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Bathroom

I have two students who spent their week off due to snow potty training. Congratulations to them!!! What a great idea to spend time stuck inside in such a useful way. In honor of this achievement, I want to tell my favorite potty story.

At five years old, Tristen was able to go down the hall by himself when he needed the bathroom. One day, he came back dripping wet. His hair was especially soaked.
“Tristen, what happened to you?” his teacher asked.
“Nothing,” he insisted, eyes looking down at his feet.
“Tristen, your hair is all wet. It’s okay, just please tell me what happened,” she asked encouragingly.
“I just wanted to see how high my pee could go!” he stammered.

Please share your funny potty stories!

Making the Most of Parent Teacher Conferences

When my kids were in preschool, I couldn’t wait for parent teacher conferences. This was a chance for an objective observer to fill me in on how my children were doing. Were they playing well with their peers? Did they enjoy learning? Were they developing appropriately?

Now that I sit on the other side of the desk, I feel the weight of the importance of these conferences. In most cases, I get to be the bearer of wonderful compliments about a child and the great parenting that has made him so successful. I’m able to point out the child’s strengths and why he is an important part of our class. What parent doesn’t want to hear good news?!

Sometimes, that good news is sprinkled with comments about a student’s weaknesses. These conferences are designed to also point out things that the parent can work on with their child. For example, if he has weak fine motor skills, we make recommendations of activities the child can do at home to strengthen his muscles. If he is struggling with numbers, we suggest games they can play to help him learn.

Yet, sometimes there are gray areas in terms of what a teacher can reasonably say. In one conference, I had to tread lightly in encouraging a parent to work harder to potty train her daughter. This child was four years old, yet still wore pull-ups. Her mother admitted that she was still too afraid to let her child go “unprotected,” in underwear. Yet, the child was bright, verbal, and a quick learner in all areas in school, and I was sure that she could be trained quickly and easily given the opportunity. In school we encouraged her to use the bathroom regularly, but without her parents following up at home, it couldn’t work.

During this conference I could feel that her mother didn’t appreciate my suggestion. In truth, when to potty train is a parent’s prerogative, and she didn’t like my suggesting that she wasn’t a good parent in this respect. Did I cross the line? I don’t think so. It is my experience that by four years old, a child should be trained unless there are other underlying issues. I felt it was my responsibility to encourage her training, and I was very willing to help out.




We compromised that she would place the child in underwear, and then put the pull-up over top of the underwear. In this way, if the child did have an accident, the pull-up would keep it from leaking out, but the child could feel the discomfort of being wet. If several days passed and the underwear remained dry, her mother could feel confident in getting rid of the pull-ups altogether.

Unfortunately, there are also conferences where we have to broach the subject of red flags that we see. Possibly the child isn’t processing information appropriately, maybe she needs help with her speech, or we are seeing something that is unusual at this age. These are never easy conversations to have, yet they are vitally important. Given early intervention, many issues can be resolved or dealt with before too much time passes.

When you have your parent teacher conference, come armed with any questions or concerns you might have. If the teacher makes a recommendation that you don’t agree with, take a deep breath and listen to what she has to say. Once you’ve had time to digest the information, you can choose to handle it in your way. But remember that she only has your child’s best interests at heart.

Does Age Really Matter in Potty Training?

I find that more families are holding off on potty training their children. Years ago, most children were trained before their third birthday. Today, I have some four year olds who are just being trained. Does it matter? That’s a personal decision, but I believe that when a child is ready, it’s important to take those cues and get the job done.

Sonia was a four year child I taught who was bright, articulate, and strong willed. She was the only child in our class who still wore a diaper. When we would encourage Sonia to use the potty, she would, though reluctantly. She simply didn’t want to be bothered. Though we encouraged her at school, her parents didn’t reinforce this at home, so there was no consistency in her training.

In my opinion, Sonia should have been trained by this time. She understood and recognized how it felt when she needed to use the bathroom. It got to the point where other children would make fun of her for still wearing a diaper. She wore dresses a lot, and when she sat at circle, her diaper was obvious. The kids love to talk about the characters on their underwear, and Sonia seemed embarrassed that she was still in diapers.

Experts say that it’s easiest to potty train a toddler when she’s ready. Watch for those signs from your child and take advantage of the opportunity. Cleaning the bottom of a four year old is not a fun experience. By four, most children should be using the toilet.

Potty Fun: Kids Learn all Kinds of Lessons in the Bathroom

In light of yesterday's post, I thought I'd share a funny story, compliments of my friend Pam, teacher and Pilates instructor extraordinaire. This happened to her when she was teaching in public school:

At five years old, Tristen was able to go down the hall by himself when he needed the bathroom. One day, he came back dripping wet. His hair was especially soaked.
“Tristen, what happened to you?” his teacher asked.
“Nothing,” he insisted, eyes looking down at his feet.
“Tristen, your hair is all wet. It’s okay, just please tell me what happened,” she asked encouragingly.
“I just wanted to see how high my pee could go!” he stammered.

Please share your funny potty stories!

Potty Training Doesn't Have to be Miserable

A young mom was lamenting the fact that her three and a half year old son still wasn't potty trained. He had no interest whatsoever in shedding his diapers. I assured her that he would be potty trained by the time he walked down the aisle! Seriously though, for practically every toddler, this is a short term problem.

According to The American Academy of Pediatrics, there is no set age at which toilet training should begin. They advise that the right time depends on a child's physical and psychological development. Between 18 and 24 months, children often start to show signs of being ready, but some children may not be ready until 30 months or older. They also advise parents that if their child resists strongly, it is best to wait for a while.

In the case of a head-strong 3 1/2 year old, there are some things you can try. For starters, go to Target, or wherever you and he generally shop together. Take him to the underwear aisle and tell him that he is a big boy now, and big boys are very lucky because they get to wear big boy underwear. He is especially lucky because you brought him to Target where they have lots of underwear to choose from. He can pick whatever he wants....Power Rangers, Batman, Bob the Builder, Spongebob, etc.

As soon as you get home, he can try on his new undies. If he can go a whole hour and stay dry, he can wear them all day. He needs to use the potty first, to help him stay dry for a whole hour. At the end of that hour, you'll remind him to use the toilet again, and try for another hour.

If he can't make the first hour, try to understand his state of mind. Why do you think he didn't make it? Was he engrossed in a tv show or game? Is he just really not interested, even with the new cool underwear? If it's the former and he really wants to try again, let him. Make the time frame a half hour though and remind him at that point to try to use the potty. If he just really isn't ready, don't push it. Tell him that you'll wash the underwear and put it in his drawer, and you'll try again next week.

If his friends are already trained, encourage a play date where he'll see them use the toilet. Sometimes that's enough to spark interest. By 3 1/2, when he decides he's ready he will likely be very successful very quickly. It's probably not that he has bladder control issues, more that he needs to decide for himself that he's ready.

Summer is the perfect time to train, because you can spend a lot of time outdoors where it's easier to clean up accidents. It's hard work but you have to be consistent.

Please hit the comment tab below to share any tips that have worked for you.
Good luck!