Reasons to Find a Way to Get Your Toddlers to Eat Many Foods

I taught a four year old child who refused to eat any fruit or vegetables. His parents were extremely frustrated with his stubbornness, but they were also worried that if they pushed too hard, he’d become even more anxious about food, and potentially develop emotional or psychological problems. Of course, they recognized that his diet was less healthy than it should be, but they hoped he’d grow out of it. While I understood their concerns, there are many reasons why they needed to nip this problem in the bud, and find a way to get their toddler to eat a variety of foods, especially healthy ones.

These parents believed that his refusal to eat fruit and vegetables was a control issue. What he put in his mouth was an area he could control. Unfortunately, that is a red flag right there. Kids with eating disorders generally get into trouble because that is an area they alone can control. At four years old, I believe that his parents needed to find a way to encourage him to get over his issue of control.

Before seeing a psychologist, nutritionist, or other health professional, there are things parents can do first. Involving the child into decisions about his food will also give him control. Take him to the supermarket and let him choose one fruit or vegetable that he will eat. Maybe he’ll choose something exotic, like a pomegranate or artichoke. Tell him that he must taste this food. If he likes it, fantastic! If not, he doesn’t have to eat it, but he has to choose something else.

Also let him help you prepare his meal. Cook a food like carrots in several ways. Let him taste them raw with a veggie dip or dipped in peanut butter. Also, steam them or add them to chicken noodle soup. Let him help you use cookie cutters on other foods, like apples, to make the shape interesting. Wilton 101 Cookie Cutter SetApples can also be dipped in honey or sprinkled with cinnamon and sugar.

Children should also be given choices, though limited ones. He can choose between string beans and corn, or cucumbers and red peppers, but he must choose one. Of course, you must be willing to eat varied foods, to show him the importance of it. If he sees you turn your nose up at vegetables, that is the example he will follow. Always use positive reinforcement and not punishments. If he eats his vegetables for a week, he can choose a special dessert or you will take him to a movie or playground.

Also, try foods repeatedly. Just because he doesn’t like something once, doesn’t mean he won’t develop an appetite for it another time. You can also encourage him to have dinner at a friend or relative’s house where he might be too embarrassed to balk at a food. Once he tries it, he might actually like it.

Getting your child to eat a variety of foods, especially healthy ones, is important. Getting off to a good start will make his life much healthier as he gets older.

Tips for a Successful Start to Preschool

As I approach my first day of preschool today, I am excited for the new school year. We have a young class this year, including two children who haven’t turned three yet. Sometimes it’s more difficult for younger kids to make a smooth transition. At our Meet and Greet session last week, my teaching partner and I gave the parents a few tips for success, to help make the year get off to a great start. They include:

1. Please be on time. When children arrive at school, they have jobs to do. They hang up their coats and put their backpacks in their cubbies, and then sit at their spot in our circle. For a few minutes they get to enjoy what we call the “coffee klatch” when they can talk to each other without teacher involvement. They love this time to swap stories about their new clothes or favorite cartoon. It’s adorable to watch. After a few minutes, our lessons begin. If you bring your child in late, not only does he miss out on this great start to the day, but he disrupts the lesson that the other children are learning.
2. Leave your child at the door without coming into the classroom. It is so tempting to want to help your child hang up his things and give him an extra kiss goodbye inside the classroom but that is not a good idea. We urge parents to give a big hug and kiss at the door, and then let their child cross the threshold into the classroom on his own. Not only is it an obvious separation, but some children get upset when they see any parent in the classroom, especially if his mom has already left.
3. Label everything (even things you can’t imagine your child leaving behind!)
4. Read the memo board every day. When you ask your child what she did in school today, odds are she won’t have much to share. We take the time to write a fairly detailed note with details of our day and we hang it in the hall before pick-up time. If you know what your child did in school, you can ask her leading questions. Not only does this help build communication skills, but it shows that you are interested in what she did in school that day.

Have a wonderful year!

Great Parenting Advice: Follow Through With What You Tell Your Child

Especially when your kids are toddlers, you must set rules and ensure that your kids follow them. Great parents make those rules absolutely clear, and their kids know that if they choose to stray, there will be consequences. Start when they are old enough to understand what you are saying, that’s about two years old. If you set the boundaries when they are young, it will be much easier on all of you when they get older and the consequences for their actions may be much harsher.

Don’t make idle threats and be sure to follow through on what you say to your children. “If you say you’re going to do something as a consequence, make sure you’re capable of doing it and then do it,” insists Marlene McDermott, Marriage and Family Therapist at Serenity Counseling in Palmyra, NJ..

When they are very young, start with something as simple as following through on a time-out if they misbehave. If you threaten your toddler that you will leave a store if she touches things, then when she touches something you must leave the store. As they get older, consequences may get more severe, but whatever you threaten you must follow through. For an older child, it may be that if your child comes home late, he will be grounded for two weeks. If that’s the expectation, make sure that his grounding really is a full two weeks.

“If you can’t do that, then don’t say it,” McDermott points out. “Having that follow through is so important. Parenting takes a lot of time, it’s a job. Come up with a basket of tricks beforehand so you’re not just saying something off the cuff that you can’t follow through with.”

The worst thing a parent can do is make idle threats because your child will figure that out very quickly. Say what you mean, mean what you say, and follow through. When your child knows you are serious, he will think carefully before disobeying a family rule.

Children Must Exercise to Stay Healthy: Start the Exercise Habit When Kids are Very Young

Last night I went to a killer pilates class, one of those things we all love to hate. The teacher announced she is starting a class for moms and babies up to 25 pounds. Their weight matters because the class involves the moms lifting the babies for an hour and at some point a heavy baby is tough to keep lifting.

It reminded me of the Gymboree classes I used to attend with my kids. They were wonderful for many reasons. First, we got to spend time together doing something really fun. Next, the kids got lots of exercise, jumping, running, bouncing, and constantly moving throughout the hour. They were also exposed to gym equipment they had never seen before, including uneven parallel bars; pullies that flew across the ceiling as they held on to the handle and I held on to their legs; and parachutes, balls and hoops in an array of sizes.

We all now know that to stay healthy we need to exercise every day. If your children are in the habit of getting some activity when they are very young, it will be a routine that will stay with them throughout their lives. Organized sports are great, but not all kids are athletic, and not all parents are bought in to the rigors of their child being on a team. Playing soccer in the backyard, swinging on the swingset, tossing a ball back and forth, are all physical activities that will keep you and your children fit and healthy. And, they are lots of fun!

What if Your Child is Advanced or Gifted Even as a Toddler? Advice for Parents of Remarkable Children

Do you feel like your child is a quick learner, maybe ahead of the curve in relation to her peers? Did she walk sooner, talk earlier, do a cartwheel at 2, or recognize a picture of the President of the United States at 3? What do you do?

First, recognize that every child is remarkable in some way. There is something incredibly special in every little girl and boy. Even when I’ve taught a student who has pushed my buttons and disrupted the class, I have found something wonderful inside that child. Teachers and parents succeed when we are able to draw that goodness out, and help the child further develop those traits.

If your child stands out because she is able to pass regular milestones ahead of her peers, regard this great fortune with caution. In many cases, parents approach their teachers to point out this remarkable ability and ask what the teachers can do to nurture it. There is nothing wrong with this, in fact, I know this, because I was that parent. It is with hindsight that I can share a personal story about the importance of perspective when you believe your child is truly gifted.

My youngest son had a very strong math mind at three years old. We discovered this strength when he used to play math games with his grandfather while riding in the car. Grandpa began asking him what one plus one equaled and then gradually made the problems more difficult. It got to the point where at three years old, he could add nine and eight in his head. When he moved on to the four year old program in preschool, my husband and I pointed this skill out to his teachers and asked what they could do to enhance his math abilities.

The teachers were very patient with us. They told us about the graphing and sequencing the class did to help all of the children learn pre-math skills. Then, they suggested that while our son was surely gifted in math, at four years old, their job was to help him succeed in many areas. Academics were important, but so were his speech skills, socialization, and other areas of development. They agreed that we should foster his interest in math, but felt that he might be better served working on that with us at home.

Their advice was right on target. Once he got into elementary school, there were opportunities for him to enhance his math skills. The enrichment teacher spent time with him each week, which kept him excited about the subject and allowed him to grow his skills. Now, in high school, he is still a strong math student, as are many other kids in his class.

The lesson I learned is that we want our children to be well rounded. Certainly, if they demonstrate excellence in a particular subject, we should allow and encourage them to continue to grow in that area. But, at four years old, there are so many other skills they need to learn and develop, that it is short sighted to spend too much time on just one.

Look! I Did it Myself! Teaching Children Independence

There is nothing sweeter than watching a child master a skill and know it. Whether it’s potty training, learning to put on a jacket by himself, tackling cutting skills, or understanding that blue and yellow make green each and every time, that ‘ah-ha’ moment is priceless. Of course, it takes lots of practice for most kids to master something new, and there are usually missteps along the way. Oftentimes, the child gets frustrated when a new task is difficult, yet learning perseverance is also part of the equation.

Sure, as parents we are all busy and there are many times when it is just easier for us to do things for our kids, instead of watching the painstaking process of them learning a new skill by themselves. But, ultimately, they must learn, and it often takes lots of practice to get it right.

According to Jean Thomas, MD, MSW, a Clinical Professor in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at both The Children’s National Medical Center and The George Washington University School of Medicine in Washington, DC, who is internationally known for early childhood diagnosis and treatment strategies, “Self-confidence grows from feeling your successes, and this is true in young children, older children, and adults. If we’ve done a good job at work, we’ve had a good day and feel proud of ourselves, and we know a little bit more about we’re going to do the next day. We’ve honed our skill. It’s the same thing for the child who has so many things new to learn. Pride motivates all of us to try harder and succeed again.”

With that in mind, give your child the time and patience he needs when figuring something out for the first time. When he gets it right, you will both be proud of his independence.

Childhood: Too Much Too Soon? So says the USA Today

Today's USA Today said that nearly 6 in 10 mothers say children are growing up too fast. They attribute the major reasons for this trend to:
Allowing Internet use without supervision - 75%
Dressing kids in age-inappropriate clothing - 74%
Over-scheduling kids' lives - 63%
Giving kids cellphones - 59%

For parents of preschoolers, your kids surely don't have real cell phones yet, and while they may be wizards on the computer, they probably aren't using the Internet. As for age-inappropriate clothing, as toddlers the only thing that may be deemed inappropriate is having them not wearing clothing at all.

So, for your young kids, that leaves over-scheduling kids' lives. While I am a huge proponent of allowing kids to try many activities to see what they enjoy, I am a firm believer in being very careful that you don't get too carried away. From birth to one or two, Mommy and Me classes are a wonderful way to allow your child to interact with other kids their age, while giving you parents an opportunity to socialize with peers going through the same things you're experiencing. One class each week is perfect.

At three or four, your child might show interest in a physical activity, such as a little gym, soccer, dance, or karate. In some cases parents take part in these classes, but there are also options to watch your child as he enjoys these activities without you. Try one and see how your child does. Is he willing to walk in without you? Or, does he seem anxious and cry? Let him determine his comfort level. Assure him that you are on the other side of the window or door watching, and you can't wait to see him having fun with his friends. If you have a friend or neighbor who can join you, that should make him even more comfortable.

I advise parents to allow their children to explore different activities, some physical because exercise is important for every person, but other things too. He will make it clear what he likes, and is good at, and that will help steer the things you sign him up for as he gets older.

Just be careful not to have so many activities at once that he's too tired to appreciate each one individually. Spontaneous moments are often the most special ones for a child and his parent, and if you over-schedule, you won't have the opportunity to enjoy those incredible, unplanned moments.

check out my blog at www.preschoolteach.blogspot.com
e-mail me at terribakman@gmail.com

Developing Fine Motor Skills in Art: Process Not Product

Summer is the perfect time to create projects with your kids, all the while helping them develop stronger fine motor skills through toddler art. Though you want them to do you proud when you hang them on the fridge, keep in mind that it's not the finished product that's important. There are three basic goals children should achieve when making any project: 1) be creative, 2) learn about using different mediums, and 3) develop their fine motor skills.

The children in our class create some kind of project every day. Most of the time, we hang their work in the hall for a week or two before sending it home. The students take great pride in their artwork and the parents enjoy seeing what the children have made.

While we offer suggestions regarding how the students might make a particular project, we are not concerned with the finished product. That is secondary to the process of achieving those three goals. My favorite projects are those that encourage so much creativity, that other than using the same medium, no two children’s pictures look anything alike.

Whenever possible, we allow the children to choose the color paper or paint they’d like to use. Of course, there are only so many choices available to them, but this fosters decision making. If we are offering four colors of construction paper, and a particular color runs out, some children must make a second choice. This provides a lesson in not always getting what you want, and forces them to make another decision.

Some children love to make art projects and can spend a full fifteen minutes on their craft. They are meticulous about coloring in the lines, and using colors that make sense to them, such as green trees or a yellow sun. When making the Cat in the Hat’s hat, these students insist that the stripes must be in the correct pattern - red, white, red, white - and they work fastidiously to fill the entire hat.

Other children would much rather be playing than creating. We do our projects individually, with a teacher working with just one or two children at a time. The rest of the kids are enjoying free play throughout the classroom. For some kids, it’s very hard to concentrate on putting stickers on a page, when another child is playing with his favorite truck. So, while every child must make the project of the day, the amount of time he chooses to spend on it is up to him. If a child would much rather be playing, he is likely to scribble all over a picture instead of worrying about coloring in the lines, or he might choose to apply three stickers instead of eight. That’s all fine as long as he completes the task at hand. It is not about the finished product, but the process it took to get there.

So for the remainder of the summer, encourage your child to practice cutting - a very important and difficult skill; coloring - great for fine motor skill development; and being creative. Just don't get hung up on the finished product.

Bike Helmet Safety and Bike Helmet Laws for Kids

Yesterday I talked about when to teach your little one to ride a bike. Today I want to talk about helmets. Even though teens don't have to wear helmets by law (check out http://www.iihs.org/laws/mapbicyclehelmets.aspx for the law in your state,)they absolutely should.

My kids were never allowed to ride without a helmet at any age, a family rule that caused much fighting during their formative teenage years. My one son was even pulled over by the police on several occassions, and rewarded with a coupon for a free ice cream cone because he was wearing a helmet. How devestating for a 14 year old! His friends didn't have to wear a helmet and he was mortified to be the only one who did.

Here are a few statistics from the Bicycle Helmet Safety Institute:
The "typical" bicyclist killed on our roads is a sober male over 16 not wearing a helmet riding on a major road between intersections in an urban area on a summer evening when hit by a car.

About 540,000 bicyclists visit emergency rooms with injuries every year. Of those, about 67,000 have head injuries, and 27,000 have injuries serious enough to be hospitalized.

Non-helmeted riders are 14 times more likely to be involved in a fatal crash than helmeted riders.

If your child learns to ride a bike and part of that lesson includes the fact that she must wear a helmet, she will recognize that this is part of bike riding forever. Being cool is not nearly enough of a trade-off compared to the risks of not wearing a helmet.

UPCOMING EVENTS:
Check these out at the Malvern School of Washington Township:
Tuesday, August 11, 2009- “Spend the Day in Pre-K” and “Sneak a Peek at Preschool” with the Music Man visiting at 10am
Wednesday, August 19, 2009-“Come and Play for a Day with the Toddlers” with Mister Softee visiting at 11am.

The address is:
The Malvern School of Washington Township
329 Greentree Road
Sewell, NJ 08080
856-218-2300

From the Mouths of Babes: Kids Say the Funniest Things

Why are kids so funny all the time? I think it comes with a limited perspective about life. People constantly ask me why I teach pre-school. I spend a lot of my time as a freelance writer, so the combination seems incongruous. I do it because it is so much fun. Every single day, one of the kids says or does something that is hysterical. We laugh a lot in our classroom. Watching kids walk in the door in September with tears in their eyes because they’re scared to leave their mothers, and walk out in June singing a silly song or telling a joke, makes my heart sing.

For example, take the story of Sarah. During the summer camp program, the little girl began searching for something around the classroom. She looked in every child’s cubby, and even on the toy shelves.
“What are you looking for, Sarah?” we asked her.
“Tuesday,” she responded.
“Tuesday? What do you mean you’re looking for Tuesday?”
“My Tuesday underpants,” she replied. “Mommy says this is really screwing up our week.”

I could give you a story for every day of the week! So enjoy the wonderful things your kids say.....if possible, jot them down. When they grow into teenagers, you can pull out your notes and reminisce about the adorable tots they once were!

I Have to Have THAT Teacher

Pretty soon you'll get the letter that announces the teacher or teachers your child will have next fall. With three kids of my own, I had a lot of angst over those letters. The rumor mill ran rampant and getting certain teachers could potentially make or break you and your child.

Yet, now that I'm on the other side of the door, I urge you to keep your cool if the teacher-you-had-to-have is not the one your child gets. I admit, my kids had a couple of really lousy teachers in their long educational careers. But now that my son is 21, how horrible was it really that I found his second grade teacher to be boring and lazy? I have no doubt that he learned ways to compensate, and the truth is, real life isn't always perfect.

Where I teach we spend a lot of time and take great pains to match students to both the appropriate teacher and the best class for that child. It is a long and painstaking process, that is intended to match personalities, temperaments, and learning styles, while also considering the mix of the entire group. Last year the class I taught was phenominal because the chemistry among the kids and teachers was magical. We all got so much out of the year.

So, before you go postal and call the Preschool Director to complain, take a deep breath and consider why your child received that placement. If you feel a call is necessary, be respectful and allow the Director to explain why your child is destined for a wonderful experience. Nine times out of ten, your child will have the right fit. Once in a while, it may not go as smoothly as you'd like, but try to see the positives in even difficult situations, because every teacher has something important to offer her students.

Please Don't Text While Driving

This page typically offers parenting advice, but today I want to focus on the parents. It seems so innocent to text a quick note while you're sitting at the traffic light. It's even likely that you are so good on your keyboard that you don't even have to look at it any more. As tempting, and time saving, as texting while driving may seem, it's a dangerous habit to get into.

New studies prove the point. The Virginia Tech Transportation Institute used cameras to continuously observe drivers for more than 6 million miles. It found that when drivers of heavy trucks texted, their collision risk was 23 times greater than when not texting. This compares to dialing a cellphone and using or reaching for an electronic device, which increased the risk of collision about 6 times in cars and trucks.

Our lives are stretched and we are in constant search of time saving techniques. Yet, think of your kids. There are two possible consequences that should cross your mind every time you text while driving. The first is that you might cause an accident, hurting or killing an innocent child or his parent. How could you possibly live with that? The second is that you might harm your own child or yourself. Again, something you can't live with.

So, please put the phone down. If it's that urgent, pull over. You're quick enough on the keyboard that you can make a pit stop in no time.

Kids and Divorce: How to Help Them Cope

With so many marriages ending in divorce, many involving young children, parents are naturally worried about how to best protect their kids through the process.

According to Allison Granite, MSW, LCSW, a licensed clinical social worker who lives and works in Voorhees, “The most important thing parents can do to help ease kids through the divorce process is to constantly reassure them that their relationship with both parents is permanent and continuing. Parents must try to put aside their own personal crisis, which is easier said than done. Tell kids what to expect and give them enough time to process and talk about any major changes, such as a parent moving out of the marital home, before those changes happen. Parents need to be honest, but give age-appropriate answers when their children have questions about the divorce. Remember that although the marital relationship might end, responsible parenting must continue.”

William J. Thompson, Chair, Matrimonial Department at Archer and Greiner, P.C. recommends a few steps that divorcing parents should consider at the start of the process:
• Consider mediation. In many cases it can be quicker, less costly and far less adversarial.
• Be financially aware. You will need to know what assets exist, how much they are worth and how much you owe.
• Know where your money goes. Checking account and credit card statements can help you pull together an accurate and realistic budget of what your family spends and what you will be able to afford in the future.
• Be realistic. It is unlikely that you will receive all the assets or all of your spouse's income. The process is intended to be fair to both sides.
• Keep the children out of the middle. No matter what your spouse's faults, the children deserve a relationship with both parent, and it is not their responsibility to negotiate the divorce.
• Select professionals to assist whom you understand and trust. Ask questions and listen to their advice. A good lawyer will outline the pros and cons of a decision and give reasoned advice.

No couple wants to get divorced, but when it is truly the best thing, you have to work very hard to make the transition as smooth as possible for yourself and especially your kids. Read more in an upcoming issue of SJ Magazine.

Potty Training Tips for your Toddler

I've never heard a parent say potty training was fun, but there are creative ways to find success when potty training your toddler. According to The American Academy of Pediatrics, there is no set age at which toilet training should begin. They advise that the right time depends on a child's physical and psychological development. Between 18 and 24 months, children often start to show signs of being ready, but some children may not be ready until 30months or older. They also advise parents that if their child resists strongly, it is best to wait for a while.

Though the children are supposed to be toilet trained by the time they get into our three year old program, sometimes they aren’t ready yet. In my experience, girls tend to train sooner than boys. Some kids are strong willed and though you know your child could be trained if he wanted to, sometimes you just have to wait until he decides he's ready.

I taught one student whose mother came up with a creative way to entice her daughter to use the potty. At just over two years old, Isabelle’s mother was determined to potty train her daughter. She brought a special potty seat and two packages of Tic Tacs into school, and asked us to place her daughter on her potty seat at exactly 9:40 and 11:15 every day. We needed to instruct Isabelle to sing the ABC song while she was sitting on the potty, and as soon as the song ended, she needed to get up. If she was successful and peed or pooped into the potty, we were to give her one white Tic Tac and one green one.

Though we tried to follow through on Isabelle’s mother’s wishes, that was very difficult to do. With a dozen children and many activities, it was impossible to let those specific times dictate our routine. We did remind Isabelle to try to use the potty a couple of times each day, though the timing varied.

This process actually did work for Isabelle, though her mother was a slave to the process for several weeks. For her, that was just fine, because she got her desired results. It’s important to remember that every child is different, and while that particular process of training worked for Isabelle, it may not work for your child. In creating your own personal plan, you must consider your routine, and how much time you will be able to devote to the process.

According to Dr. Blum, a pediatrician and toilet training specialist at the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia, “If a child is at home most of the time and has easy and rapid access to a bathroom, than being toilet trained is one thing. If you expect that your kid is going to go to the mall with you, ride 45 minutes in the car, and in those situations, not have easy access to a toilet, that’s a whole other level of difficulty. When you think about toilet training your child you must also consider what you are going to expect of him or her in terms of how long you are going to expect them to be in a place where they don’t have access to a toilet.”

So hang in there....I promise it will happen eventually!

The Babysitter Dilemna: Monitor your Caregiver

One of the most difficult things I've ever had to do was hire a full time babysitter for my kids when they were young. I found it incredibly difficult to be sure that the person I chose was trustworthy and reliable. Sometimes I made bad choices and had to quickly rectify them. It was always stressful.

One summer I was at our local swim club where a young child, probably about three years old, was accompanied by a babysitter. The little boy splashed in the baby pool while the caregiver lounged nearby. The trouble was, she paid no attention to him. She read a magazine, gabbed on the phone, and even napped. I was horrified.

That evening, I called the child’s mother at home. I explained that I knew this wasn’t my business and I was sorry to pry, but she needed to know what I had witnessed at the pool.

As the saying goes, it takes a village to raise a child. Neighbors, friends, family members and teachers may have more interaction with your babysitter than you do. Ask them periodically what they think of your caregiver. Is she devoting an appropriate amount of time to your kids? Is she respectful toward them, kind, caring?

To me, that’s the role my kids’ teachers served with my babysitters. Now, as a teacher, I make sure to let the parents know how wonderful (or not so much) their child’s caretaker is. There's no greater peace of mind than knowing that your children are in great hands when you arent' there.

Too Many Plans: Smell the Roses with Your Kids

While I believe that structure is important for children, I think it comes at a cost when every moment of their young lives is planned and scripted. When do children have an opportunity to literally smell the roses (or some non-thorny flower!)?

When I was a young parent, I heard a story of a mother who had an extremely harried life (like most of us.) As she was taking her daughter from one activity to the next, her daughter looked out the car window and noticed the wild flowers that were planted by the side of the road.

“Look at those beautiful flowers!” she exclaimed, her eyes wide and nose pressed against the window.

As her mother was about to tell her daughter that they didn’t have time to get of the car and examine the flowers, she looked in the rearview mirror at the wonder on her daughter’s face. The child was mesmerized.

That day, this mother pulled her car over and she and her daughter got out and played among the wildflowers for a while. She said it was a memory she and her child would never forget.

That story made a huge impact on me. As a parent, I tried to follow her example and allow time for spontaneous moments. I always found the most memorable experiences with my children to be the ones that weren’t planned.

So,among lessons, classes, birthday parties, and all the things you have planned for your child, try to allow for some spontaneous moments. I am sure you won't be sorry.

Make a Regular Date Night with your Spouse

Babysitters can cost a fortune, and finding a steady night each week to escape with your spouse is tough. But, it's vitally important to find a way to make it work. The time alone that you and your spouse spend is invaluable. It allows you to connect in a calm atmosphere where you can actually enjoy uninterupted conversation. It also demonstrates to your kids that you value your adult relationship and make it a point to carve time out to be alone together.

I encourage parents to begin doing this when their children are infants. It sets a standard that the child gets used to without questioning. If you wait until your child is old enough to question why you're leaving her, it will make the separation much more difficult for all of you.

Since babysitters and entertainment out can be expensive, there are ways to get away without breaking the bank. Relatives are always great babysitters if you're lucky enough to have ones available. If not, start a co-op with close friends and neighbors who you trust. You take care of their kids on Friday night, if they'll take care of yours on Sunday.

Many restaurants have off hour or early bird specials. Take advantage of these, as well as coupons. Take a hike in the woods, or visit a park and grab an ice cream cone after. What you do together doesn't matter, as long as it's something you both enjoy. It will give you the time to keep your relationship fresh and prove to your spouse that you value him/her and enjoy time alone. It also gets your child used to spending time without you, even for just one night a week.

Getting your Kids to Sleep in their Own Beds

Your child finally grows from his crib into his big boy bed. Whoo-hoo! Or, so you thought. Maybe he could climb out of his crib, but getting out of his bed is simple and fun. Here are a few tips to keep him in his bed all night:

1. Remind him that he has this way cool bed because he's a big boy now. Responsibility comes with that....that means a few rules. One rule is that he must call for you if he wants to get out of bed. At first, he may call for you a lot, but the first step is that he's not allowed to get out of bed without you.

2. If he starts calling for you excessively, explain that the next rule is that there are only certain times when he can call for you. If he's having a bad dream or feels afraid he can certainly call for you. Or, if he has to go to the bathroom, although be sure he uses the bathroom before bed to help avoid that problem. Give him a small drink before bed so he doesn't wake up thirsty.

No doubt, he will cry for you in the middle of the night and tell you he's scared, because he wants to come into your bed. At all costs, try to avoid that. It's easier at times to let him, but once he enjoys the comfort of snuggling with Mommy and Daddy in bed, it will be very hard to wean him of the privilege. Of course, there are special circumstances, such as a loud, scary storm, where you welcome a family bed, but you have to put your foot down on most other occassions.

3. When he calls you, go into his room and ask him what's wrong. If he says he had a scary dream, let him tell you about it and reassure him that it was just a dream and he's very safe. A nightlight by his bed is often important so he can see his surroundings. Tell him you'll stay with him for five minutes until he falls back asleep, but you are very tired and you need to go back to sleep too. If he doesn't fall asleep in five minutes and starts to cry when you try to leave, tell him that you will wait out in the hall for five more minutes, but then you are going to your own bed by yourself. It is helpful to have a clock by his bed so you can show him exactly what five minutes means. You have to follow through on what you say. If he still calls for you, tell him that you are going to bed, he is safe and you both need your sleep. Then, you have to let him cry.

I know that it is so much easier to give in, but if you nip it in the bud right away, he will understand that he has no choice. Then, on the special occasions when you allow him in your bed, he will recognize that it is truly a special occasion.

I have also had parents tell me that they allowed their child in their room, but the child had to lay on a blanket on the floor. This worked for them, although I don't really see the distinction between the floor and the bed. The point is to set the boundary that his room is where he sleeps and your room is where you sleep.

If you have any other suggestions, please hit comment below and pass them on!

When Parents are More Concerned with Their Cell Phones than Their Children: a Teacher's View

Teachers see just about everything. So did kids, even little ones. It's important for parents to demonstrate that their children are important through their actions. Here's an example of what not to do.

It is not always easy for working parents to find the time to come into school, but when they can, their children are proud and pleased to have them there. For Roxanne’s fourth birthday, her mother and father both came to school to share in her celebration. We typically invite the family to come for about a half hour. That gives us enough time to sing happy birthday, enjoy a special treat, and if the parent wants to, he can read a story to the class.

Roxanne’s father came ten minutes past the scheduled time, and walked into the classroom talking on his cell phone. He didn’t acknowledge the fact that he completely interrupted what was happening in the classroom. Five minutes later, he got off the phone, not even uttering an apology or explanation. We sang happy birthday to Roxanne, and while the children were enjoying their snack, her father read them a story.

Midway into the story, his cell phone rang again. Unbelievably, he answered the phone and proceeded to speak to the caller. He talked for a couple of minutes, hung up and then continued reading the book.

I have no doubt that he was a businessman who believed that his phone conversations were important. Yet, his utter disregard for the students, his daughter, and the teachers was unconscionable. He should have turned off the phone before coming into the room, but if he had some emergency to handle, he needed to explain that and then take the call out in the hall. This man was concerned only with himself and had no appreciation for anyone else. The only thing that mattered was what he needed at that moment, even over his daughter. At four years old, kids already understand where they fit in the pecking order. What kind of lesson was this to teach his child?

Breast Cancer Awareness

Though this blog is typically devoted to preschool and toddler issues, today I'm going to talk about Mom. I am now three years cancer free, and I need to periodically share my story in hopes of reaching other moms who face a similar ordeal.

According to the most recent stats from the American Cancer Society (ACS), the chance of a woman having invasive breast cancer some time during her life is about 1 in 8. The chance of dying from breast cancer is about 1 in 35. Ladies, that means that when you're in your Little Gym class and you take a look around the circle of 8 women, one of you will likely get breast cancer. Please don't think it can't happen to you.

My cancer was detected through a routine mammogram. I never felt a lump or any pain at all. In fact, after the doctors knew exactly where the lump was, they still couldn't feel it. Believe me...they tried! Because my little lump was detected so early, my oncologist dubbed it an "excellent little cancer." As cancer goes, that was a nice diagnosis to have. It was excellent because it was found early was extremely susceptible to treatment.

I went through a few surgeries and a summer of daily radiation and have been in tip top shape ever since. There is little history of breast cancer in my family - it just happened and no one knows why.

So, to be the best parent you can be, you must take care of yourself. The ACS recommends that women without a family history of breast cancer get their first mammogram at 40. If you have a history, you need to talk to your doctor about the appropriate age to begin. A mammogram is a walk in the park compared to breast cancer treatment. Take a girlfriend, build in a lunch out at a real restaurant to celebrate your health.

I'd love comments from other women, especially those who for some reason refuse to get a mammogram. I want to try to change your mind before it's too late.