When to Teach a Child to Ride a Bike

When is the right time to take off the training wheels and teach your child how to ride her own two-wheeler? It may never be easy, but once your child learns, it's a skill she'll have for her whole life. This weekend we were at the shore with a group of friends and when it came time for the morning bike ride, one of the women, now in her mid-40's, admitted that she never learned how to ride a bike. It was a shame because she missed out on a beautiful, healthy, fun morning activity.

According the American Academy of Pediatrics:

1. Do not push your child to ride a 2-wheeled bike until he or she is ready, at about age 5 or 6. Consider the child's coordination and desire to learn to ride. Stick with coaster brakes until your child is older and more experienced.

2. Take your child with you when you shop for the bike, so that he or she can try it out. The value of a properly fitting bike far outweighs the value of surprising your child with a new bike.

3. Buy a bike that is the right size, not one your child has to "grow into." Oversized bikes are especially dangerous.

4. How to test any style of bike for proper fit:

a. Sitting on the seat with hands on the handlebar, your child must be able to place the balls of both feet on the ground.
b. Straddling the center bar, your child should be able to stand with both feet flat on the ground with about a 1-inch clearance between the crotch and the bar.
c. When buying a bike with hand brakes for an older child, make sure that the child can comfortably grasp the brakes and apply sufficient pressure to stop the bike.

5. A helmet should be standard equipment. Whenever buying a bike, be sure you have a Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC)-approved helmet for your child.

The process of teaching your child to ride his first two-wheeler likely won't be easy. There will be some frustration on both your parts and maybe a few tears (on both your parts!) but persevere! It will be well worth the effort when he can ride with his friends year after year after year.

From the Mouths of Babes: Kids Say the Funniest Things

Why are kids so funny all the time? I think it comes with a limited perspective about life. People constantly ask me why I teach pre-school. I spend a lot of my time as a freelance writer, so the combination seems incongruous. I do it because it is so much fun. Every single day, one of the kids says or does something that is hysterical. We laugh a lot in our classroom. Watching kids walk in the door in September with tears in their eyes because they’re scared to leave their mothers, and walk out in June singing a silly song or telling a joke, makes my heart sing.

For example, take the story of Sarah. During the summer camp program, the little girl began searching for something around the classroom. She looked in every child’s cubby, and even on the toy shelves.
“What are you looking for, Sarah?” we asked her.
“Tuesday,” she responded.
“Tuesday? What do you mean you’re looking for Tuesday?”
“My Tuesday underpants,” she replied. “Mommy says this is really screwing up our week.”

I could give you a story for every day of the week! So enjoy the wonderful things your kids say.....if possible, jot them down. When they grow into teenagers, you can pull out your notes and reminisce about the adorable tots they once were!

I Have to Have THAT Teacher

Pretty soon you'll get the letter that announces the teacher or teachers your child will have next fall. With three kids of my own, I had a lot of angst over those letters. The rumor mill ran rampant and getting certain teachers could potentially make or break you and your child.

Yet, now that I'm on the other side of the door, I urge you to keep your cool if the teacher-you-had-to-have is not the one your child gets. I admit, my kids had a couple of really lousy teachers in their long educational careers. But now that my son is 21, how horrible was it really that I found his second grade teacher to be boring and lazy? I have no doubt that he learned ways to compensate, and the truth is, real life isn't always perfect.

Where I teach we spend a lot of time and take great pains to match students to both the appropriate teacher and the best class for that child. It is a long and painstaking process, that is intended to match personalities, temperaments, and learning styles, while also considering the mix of the entire group. Last year the class I taught was phenominal because the chemistry among the kids and teachers was magical. We all got so much out of the year.

So, before you go postal and call the Preschool Director to complain, take a deep breath and consider why your child received that placement. If you feel a call is necessary, be respectful and allow the Director to explain why your child is destined for a wonderful experience. Nine times out of ten, your child will have the right fit. Once in a while, it may not go as smoothly as you'd like, but try to see the positives in even difficult situations, because every teacher has something important to offer her students.

The Babysitter Dilemna: Monitor your Caregiver

One of the most difficult things I've ever had to do was hire a full time babysitter for my kids when they were young. I found it incredibly difficult to be sure that the person I chose was trustworthy and reliable. Sometimes I made bad choices and had to quickly rectify them. It was always stressful.

One summer I was at our local swim club where a young child, probably about three years old, was accompanied by a babysitter. The little boy splashed in the baby pool while the caregiver lounged nearby. The trouble was, she paid no attention to him. She read a magazine, gabbed on the phone, and even napped. I was horrified.

That evening, I called the child’s mother at home. I explained that I knew this wasn’t my business and I was sorry to pry, but she needed to know what I had witnessed at the pool.

As the saying goes, it takes a village to raise a child. Neighbors, friends, family members and teachers may have more interaction with your babysitter than you do. Ask them periodically what they think of your caregiver. Is she devoting an appropriate amount of time to your kids? Is she respectful toward them, kind, caring?

To me, that’s the role my kids’ teachers served with my babysitters. Now, as a teacher, I make sure to let the parents know how wonderful (or not so much) their child’s caretaker is. There's no greater peace of mind than knowing that your children are in great hands when you arent' there.

When Parents are More Concerned with Their Cell Phones than Their Children: a Teacher's View

Teachers see just about everything. So did kids, even little ones. It's important for parents to demonstrate that their children are important through their actions. Here's an example of what not to do.

It is not always easy for working parents to find the time to come into school, but when they can, their children are proud and pleased to have them there. For Roxanne’s fourth birthday, her mother and father both came to school to share in her celebration. We typically invite the family to come for about a half hour. That gives us enough time to sing happy birthday, enjoy a special treat, and if the parent wants to, he can read a story to the class.

Roxanne’s father came ten minutes past the scheduled time, and walked into the classroom talking on his cell phone. He didn’t acknowledge the fact that he completely interrupted what was happening in the classroom. Five minutes later, he got off the phone, not even uttering an apology or explanation. We sang happy birthday to Roxanne, and while the children were enjoying their snack, her father read them a story.

Midway into the story, his cell phone rang again. Unbelievably, he answered the phone and proceeded to speak to the caller. He talked for a couple of minutes, hung up and then continued reading the book.

I have no doubt that he was a businessman who believed that his phone conversations were important. Yet, his utter disregard for the students, his daughter, and the teachers was unconscionable. He should have turned off the phone before coming into the room, but if he had some emergency to handle, he needed to explain that and then take the call out in the hall. This man was concerned only with himself and had no appreciation for anyone else. The only thing that mattered was what he needed at that moment, even over his daughter. At four years old, kids already understand where they fit in the pecking order. What kind of lesson was this to teach his child?

Breast Cancer Awareness

Though this blog is typically devoted to preschool and toddler issues, today I'm going to talk about Mom. I am now three years cancer free, and I need to periodically share my story in hopes of reaching other moms who face a similar ordeal.

According to the most recent stats from the American Cancer Society (ACS), the chance of a woman having invasive breast cancer some time during her life is about 1 in 8. The chance of dying from breast cancer is about 1 in 35. Ladies, that means that when you're in your Little Gym class and you take a look around the circle of 8 women, one of you will likely get breast cancer. Please don't think it can't happen to you.

My cancer was detected through a routine mammogram. I never felt a lump or any pain at all. In fact, after the doctors knew exactly where the lump was, they still couldn't feel it. Believe me...they tried! Because my little lump was detected so early, my oncologist dubbed it an "excellent little cancer." As cancer goes, that was a nice diagnosis to have. It was excellent because it was found early was extremely susceptible to treatment.

I went through a few surgeries and a summer of daily radiation and have been in tip top shape ever since. There is little history of breast cancer in my family - it just happened and no one knows why.

So, to be the best parent you can be, you must take care of yourself. The ACS recommends that women without a family history of breast cancer get their first mammogram at 40. If you have a history, you need to talk to your doctor about the appropriate age to begin. A mammogram is a walk in the park compared to breast cancer treatment. Take a girlfriend, build in a lunch out at a real restaurant to celebrate your health.

I'd love comments from other women, especially those who for some reason refuse to get a mammogram. I want to try to change your mind before it's too late.

Even Colic Flies By

I was at the shore watching a harried dad trying to get his colicky baby to stop crying. He looked like he was going to start crying himself. I remember those days vividly. Though "they" swear it won't happen, all three of my babies had colic. The first was the worst, not knowing what to expect. The poor kid cried day and night. He was just miserable for months.

I do remember some tricks we used. The one that worked best was holding him over my shoulder with my hands on his ankles and his stomach on my shoulder. I rocked him up and down like a lever until his crying stopped. I even tried putting him in his car seat on the running washing machine but that one never worked too well! The magic trick was switching his formula. At the time, it was Nutramigen which was liquid gold....it cost twice as much as regular formula. I remember that money was no object if it got him to stop crying.

I bring this up because it reminds me of one of my favorite songs...It Won't be like This for Long by Darius Rucker. The song talks about the stages of his daughter's life and how quickly each one flew by. Now that my oldest is 21, colic was an eternity ago. Yet, at the time, I was a new overwhelmed mom whose kid wouldn't stop crying and it seemed like that stage lasted forever.

So, whatever your children are into now that are making you tear your hair out, just take a deep breath and reassure yourself that it won't be long before they're on to the next thing. In hindsight, even colic flies by.

Show Children Charity

I've been lucky to teach many students whose families were extremely charitable and they built that wonderful trait into their daily lives. While writing checks to a charity is certainly admirable and important, it is not as strong an example for your kids as actually doing something to help others.

One family had a tradition on their birthdays. After opening their birthday gifts, the child (or parent, depending on whose birthday it was,) would choose one gift to donate to charity. They would then travel together to physically give that gift away. It was a wonderful demonstration of the importance of helping others who are less fortunate.

Another family worked together one night each week to cook meals for a charity. They had a great time cooking by side by side, along with other families who shared their vision. Sometimes they would volunteer to bring the food to the home or actually serve the guests they had cooked for.

Since my kids were little, we have done many things to help others. Our favorite occurs every Thanksgiving when we create 40 traditional Thanksgiving meals, filled with turkey, cranberry sauce, veggies....all the fixings! A juice box, napkin, plastic ware and brownie complete the meals. We then drive to the boardwalk in Atlantic City and hand the meals out to the homeless.

It is my family's favorite day of the year, and now we've been doing this for so many years that we would all be heartbroken if the tradition ended. Watching my kids help a homeless person stick a straw into a juicebox is truly an overwhelming feeling. What could be a more basic way to help someone? When my older kids applied to college, they wrote about this experience. Their words were personal, and extremely meaningful. They truly understand what it means to give back to others.

Choose something meaningful to your family, and get your kids involved. We started off when the kids were very small by playing bingo with residents of a nursing home. There are plenty of things little kids can do, and the lessons are invaluable.

What to Feed the Kids

I'm big on walking the walk...not just talking the talk. Parents must lead by example and it's really hard to know just how to do that. Today, I'll talk about how you can get your kids to try new foods and make healthy choices.

Too often, a child says she doesn’t like something without ever trying it. I feel that parents do a great disservice to their children by not encouraging them to taste an array of foods. Some parents cook one meal for themselves and something else for the children because the kids will only eat chicken fingers, pizza or macaroni and cheese. Once the children get into the habit of demanding such a limited menu, it will be more difficult for them to want to try new things as they get older.

Also, those old standbys are not nearly as healthy as other foods, including fish, poultry that isn’t fried, and fresh fruit and vegetables. If you give your child the same meal that everyone else in the family is enjoying, and you refuse to make a separate dish for just that child, she will realize that she has to try it. Sometimes adding ketchup or another sauce that can change the food’s flavor will make it more appetizing. But, if you tell her she has to eat what everyone else is eating, and then if she refuses, you make her macaroni and cheese anyway, she will learn that she doesn’t have to try new foods.

Every Wednesday in our classroom we have healthy snack day, and one parent brings in a healthy treat for the class. We’ve enjoyed everything from fresh fruit salad to cream cheese on celery, to frozen yogurt. We try very hard to encourage every child to taste whatever the snack is. If they try it and don’t like it, we’ll give them pretzels, which is our old standby that everyone seems to like. But if we offer them two types of snacks and they refuse to taste either, they have made the choice to skip snack that day.

Here’s a story that happened in school. One day we made ‘Stone Soup’ in class after reading the story by the same name. Of course, we skipped the stone, but we put in carrots, onions, potatoes, tomatoes, alphabet noodles and seasoning. Every child tasted the soup, and most of them enjoyed it. When Becky’s mother picked her up that day, she was certain that her daughter had refused to taste the soup. To her surprise, we told her that Becky had eaten every drop. Her mother insisted that Becky would never touch a vegetable at home, and wondered what we did to get her to eat vegetable soup.

Part of the appeal was the fact that Becky helped make the soup. We gave each child a plastic knife and we softened the carrots and potatoes enough that the children were able to cut through them. Every child also had a turn to stir the soup. But Becky also knew that we expected her to at least taste the soup. As the other children around her were enjoying it, she realized that it was okay to like it.

If you offer your child the foods that the rest of your family is eating, she has two choices – she can taste them, or she can be hungry. At some point, her hunger will force her to find something on the table that she’s willing to eat. But, if you give in and make mac and cheese and chicken nuggets for every meal, your child will never learn to eat new and healthy foods.

Give Kids Jobs

My 15 year old son and 19 year old daughter mow our lawn. It's possible that we're the only family in the neighborhood without a professional lawn service. We pay them to do the job, probably the same amount we would pay a service. At times I think professionals might do a better job, but to us, it's about the kids having responsibility to the family.

As young as two years old, you can start giving your children "jobs." At home, parents can set the rule that your child must clean up after himself. Even at one or two years old, you can encourage him to bring a toy to the shelf to help you straighten up. As he gets older, give him more challenging tasks. By three or four, you can teach him how to help you set the table, make his bed, and help you put (non-breakable) groceries away.

Let him know that you appreciate his help, but also that you expect him to pitch in as a productive part of the family. In addition to learning new skills, he will feel proud of his accomplishments and independence.

Divorce Can be Best Thing for Kids

A few years ago I taught a child whose parents were going through a very messy divorce. It was a tough year for everyone in the family. The parents hated that they were putting their children through the process, but they recognized that they didn't want to stay married. Now, three years later, the divorce is final, the parents have created new lives of their own, and the kids are flourishing.

It is sad when young children have to face their parents' divorce, but kids are resillient and they will be healthier if their parents are happy. I grew up in a home where my parents fought constantly and they didn't divorce until I was 16. I think I would have been better off had they made the split sooner, as there was always tension hanging over all of us.

As much as we’d love to shield our children from pain, they do deserve to know things that will affect them. Sadly, there are parents who get divorced while their children are in preschool. It is very hard for parents to know what to say to their children or how to behave in the presence of their spouse.How do talk to a very young child about divorce? Jean Thomas, MD, MSW, a Clinical Professor in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at both The Children’s National Medical Center and The George Washington University School of Medicine in Washington, DC, who is internationally known for early childhood diagnosis and treatment strategies, shares her point of view.

She points out that parents cannot hide their true feelings. “The feelings that they think they’re hiding are shown to the child by their facial expression and body language. Let’s say they are putting on a pretty face every time they are with the child and the spouse. But, the child sees through that and absolutely knows when the parent is having a hard time, despite the false face that the parent presents.”

She suggests that the parents tell the child that Mommy and Daddy have been arguing and have been unhappy. “The problem with not telling the child what’s going on is the facial or body language information the child is reading,” explains Dr. Thomas. “The child thinks that it’s something he’s done. They have very strong little super egos so they blame themselves. That can lead toward a long-term depressive process if it’s not reversed. I think it’s very important that the child understands that there’s a problem.”

Until you are sure that you are going to separate or divorce, you don’t want to suggest to your child that separation is a possibility. “You don’t want to put ideas into their head that are then going to be reversed or fixed,” says Dr. Thomas. “If it’s a done deal and somebody’s moving out this weekend, I would make sure that there is no blame put on one or the other parent. Say something like, ‘Mommy and Daddy aren’t getting along very well and we think we would do better living in different places. We both love you and you know it’s not your fault.’” She says that kids are going to believe it’s their fault even if nobody is blaming them. They might think back to the night before when they were in trouble for spilling their milk as the reason for everyone’s unhappiness today.

So don't beat yourself up if you find yourself in this situation.

Parents Must Lead by Example: Walk the Walk, Don't Just Talk the Talk

Kids don't just learn things through osmosis....they must be taught, and the best way for parents to teach values to their children is through leading by example. Walk the walk, don't just talk the talk.

Parents today are tired. We work hard and the last thing we want to do is fight with our kids. Sometimes, it's easier just to give in than have yet another battle. Well, get over it.

I dont' mean to be harsh, but kids are very, very smart, and they know how to get what they want. It is the parents' job to lead by example, set the rules, and carry them out. When parents tell their kids something, but don't follow through, they have let the ball drop. Consider the story of Trevor.

Trevor was a child in our class who figured out very quickly that his father’s threats were usually idle. One day, we went to the grocery store on a field trip. Trevor was very excited and just wanted to touch everything he saw. First, he grabbed an apple from the shelf, which caused several more apples to roll to the ground. His father reminded him that he wasn’t allowed to touch the food. A moment later, Trevor grabbed a cucumber. This time, Trevor’s father raised his voice and told his son that if he touched one more thing they were going home. Five minutes later, Trevor nabbed a candy bar off another shelf. Again, his father told him to stop touching things or they would go home.

And yet again, Trevor took another item from the shelf. Though his father got angrier, he continued to threaten to leave without having any intention of doing so. There was no incentive for Trevor to stop touching things because he knew there would be no consequence.

Trevor’s dad had two choices. He could have threatened to leave and then actually left, or he could have used another punishment that he could follow through on. For example, he might have told Trevor that if he touched something else, they’d have to sit for five minutes and miss out on the class visiting the lobster tank in the seafood department. Once he followed through on that threat, Trevor would be disappointed to miss seeing the lobsters, but he would know that his father meant what he said.

Parents need to walk the walk, not just talk the talk. You have to let your children know that you mean what you say. If you follow through the first time, the kids will be less apt to challenge you the next time.

Thanks to all who have shared stories with me either by email or comment here. I love hearing from you!

Potty Fun: Kids Learn all Kinds of Lessons in the Bathroom

In light of yesterday's post, I thought I'd share a funny story, compliments of my friend Pam, teacher and Pilates instructor extraordinaire. This happened to her when she was teaching in public school:

At five years old, Tristen was able to go down the hall by himself when he needed the bathroom. One day, he came back dripping wet. His hair was especially soaked.
“Tristen, what happened to you?” his teacher asked.
“Nothing,” he insisted, eyes looking down at his feet.
“Tristen, your hair is all wet. It’s okay, just please tell me what happened,” she asked encouragingly.
“I just wanted to see how high my pee could go!” he stammered.

Please share your funny potty stories!

Potty Training Doesn't Have to be Miserable

A young mom was lamenting the fact that her three and a half year old son still wasn't potty trained. He had no interest whatsoever in shedding his diapers. I assured her that he would be potty trained by the time he walked down the aisle! Seriously though, for practically every toddler, this is a short term problem.

According to The American Academy of Pediatrics, there is no set age at which toilet training should begin. They advise that the right time depends on a child's physical and psychological development. Between 18 and 24 months, children often start to show signs of being ready, but some children may not be ready until 30 months or older. They also advise parents that if their child resists strongly, it is best to wait for a while.

In the case of a head-strong 3 1/2 year old, there are some things you can try. For starters, go to Target, or wherever you and he generally shop together. Take him to the underwear aisle and tell him that he is a big boy now, and big boys are very lucky because they get to wear big boy underwear. He is especially lucky because you brought him to Target where they have lots of underwear to choose from. He can pick whatever he wants....Power Rangers, Batman, Bob the Builder, Spongebob, etc.

As soon as you get home, he can try on his new undies. If he can go a whole hour and stay dry, he can wear them all day. He needs to use the potty first, to help him stay dry for a whole hour. At the end of that hour, you'll remind him to use the toilet again, and try for another hour.

If he can't make the first hour, try to understand his state of mind. Why do you think he didn't make it? Was he engrossed in a tv show or game? Is he just really not interested, even with the new cool underwear? If it's the former and he really wants to try again, let him. Make the time frame a half hour though and remind him at that point to try to use the potty. If he just really isn't ready, don't push it. Tell him that you'll wash the underwear and put it in his drawer, and you'll try again next week.

If his friends are already trained, encourage a play date where he'll see them use the toilet. Sometimes that's enough to spark interest. By 3 1/2, when he decides he's ready he will likely be very successful very quickly. It's probably not that he has bladder control issues, more that he needs to decide for himself that he's ready.

Summer is the perfect time to train, because you can spend a lot of time outdoors where it's easier to clean up accidents. It's hard work but you have to be consistent.

Please hit the comment tab below to share any tips that have worked for you.
Good luck!

Cell Phone Warning

One of the things that has greatly shifted in the past decade is the amount children know about their family’s lives at home. I believe that this phenomenon exists more today than ever before because of an increased use of cell phones. Today, whether in the car, running an errand, or even at the playground, many people are talking on their cell phones. In some instances, parents are discussing private matters on the phone when the children are present. Though the parents don’t realize it, the children are listening to what they are saying and picking up a lot of the information. That’s not necessarily a good thing.
There are two dangers in having loose lips in front of your children. The first, is that they may not understand what they have heard. If they hear that you are upset, they won't understand why you are sad, and may believe they did something wrong.
The second consequence is that your child is sure to pass on what she heard, or worse yet, what she thinks she heard. When she shares that information with her teachers and friends, information will spread that you probably would prefer kept private.
In the five year old class, Katie was drawing a family portrait. Her teacher noticed that the people in the picture looked angry.
“What’s going on in your picture?” Katie’s teacher asked her.
"It’s Mommy and Daddy,” she replied. “They are yelling at each other. They are very angry.”
“Well,” her teacher said. “Sometimes Mommies and Daddies get upset with each other but they usually make up.”
“No, Mommy’s mad at Daddy because he’s smoking the pot again,” Katie explained matter-of-factly.
The teacher was obviously dumbfounded. It’s extremely important for parents and teachers to be on the same page, especially when there are issues that are affecting the child. Yet, that was a subject that was very difficult for the teachers to discuss with Katie’s parents. Soon after that incident, Katie’s father went into rehab.
In this example, there is no way that the child can understand what the information means. When she shares that information with her teachers,she is making things uncomfortable for the family.

Parents are Your Child's Primary Teachers

I met with a very interesting woman today, Sharon Easterling, Executive Director of the Delaware Valley Association for the Education of Young Children. She is extremely knowledgable on the subject of preschool education. One of the things Sharon stressed was how much children learn simply from being with their parents.

Every moment you spend with your child is a learning opportunity, even in the car. Today, so many cars are equipped with video capabilities, that kids have become accustomed to watching TV from the backseat, instead of enjoying a window to the world. It disturbs me when technology gets in the way of what might otherwise be natural teaching moments. I am all for technology and believe that children can learn enormous lessons from computers and television. I just urge parents to use those technologies to enhance their learning, not replace it.

Take Jordan. She was struggling to learn basic concepts including her numbers, colors and shapes. My teaching partner and I met with her mother and suggested that she help reinforce these skills at home. For example, when riding in the car, her mother could point out a traffic light and ask Jordan what color it is. At a traffic sign she could talk about its shape. They could play ‘I Spy’ to find different colored cars, or numbers on buildings. They could seek out construction vehicles, which almost always turn kids on. The list goes on and on.

Jordan’s mother sighed, looked us in the eye, and said, “But then I’d have to turn the television off.”

Parenting Advice: Teaching your Children Respect

Something happened yesterday with my 15 year old that reminded me how important it is for parents to begin teaching their children respect when they are very young. My son and a couple of his friends, little men already at 5'10" with sprouting facial hair, and deep voices, had an encounter with some neighbors. The boys have cut through these people's property for the three years we've lived here, as a short-cut to the Bagel Shop across the street.

My son has chatted up the man who lives there, as he is usually on his riding mower or working in the yard. Yesterday, his wife came out and, to give my son's version, she started screaming at the boys for cutting through her property. He came home and told me about the encounter, and said that he and his friends just kept on walking.

About an hour later, this couple rang my doorbell. I had never met them before. They felt that the boys were disrespectful while she was trying to talk to them. They weren't upset about the cutting through, just about their view that the boys ignored her while she was speaking.

She was absolutely right. Both my son and I apologized and he explained that it wasn't his intention to ignore her. He was very sorry. Later, I picked up an impatien plant as a peace offering, and all three boys accompanied me to their home. This time, we took the long route instead of cutting through.

We rang the doorbell and this woman looked at the boys and plant and had the hugest smile on her face. The boys apologized again, and she was overwhelmed. She gave each of us a hug and thanked us for the gesture.

When I initially informed the boys that I couldn't make them come with me, but I thought it was the right thing to do, they moaned, groaned and obviously didn't want to come. Yet, on the way home, (this time cutting through the yards,) they thanked me for making them go. It was just really a nice human moment.

As a teacher, I have been disappointed to note the lack of manners so many of my students demonstrate. By three and four years old, they should be saying please and thank you on a regular basis. That is the exception in my experience, not the rule. I don't understand why this is happening. Manners are the basic form of respect.

In my classroom, the children learn very quickly that they must use good manners. Of course, there will be mistakes along the way....as in the story about my 15 year old. Children model their parents' behaviors, so begin by using good manners at home. Trust me, teachers can tell which kids learn it at home and which don't.

Welcome to my Blog! Lessons in Parent-Teacher Communication

This is my first post and I'm so glad you found me. I majored in Radio/TV/Film in college, and had a blast producing Romper Room and Bowling for Dollars. Yet, the last 13 years I've spent teaching preschool have been more rewarding than I ever could have imagined. Having to peel a crying, scared, shy child off his mother on the first day of school, means I'm in for a rewarding year. I get to watch that child grow, become more confident, learn self-reliance, make friends, and ultimately, run out the door on the last day of school, excited, happy and eager.

This blog is designed to share my experience so that your child, and family, can gain the most out of your little one's preschool experience. This is a vitally important time in your toddler's life as he embarks on his educational journey. I will provide tips to help you navigate the twists and turns that are part of the lives of every preschooler.

Let's start by examining the year that just passed and what you may have done differently to make the experience even more positive. Today, I'll discuss communication. Inevitably, something goes wrong that causes ruffled feathers among a parent or teacher, or in the worst case, both. If left alone, this miscommunication can fester and grow, and affect the relationship between the parent and teacher. There is no reason that this has to happen. Communication, quickly, and honestly, is the key to getting back on a positive track.

Here's a true story that happened to one of my colleagues:

During the summer camp program, tots come to play games, sing songs, cook, and wade in shallow pools. One summer, during the third day of camp in the two year old program, one of my colleagues gathered together her students’ things to go out to the pool. When she pulled one child’s towel out of her backpack, she discovered that it had been written on in indelible red magic marker. To her surprise and dismay, she read a note that said, “Dear teachers, I do not like to leave camp all muddy and wet. Signed, Rachel’s towel.”

Not believing her eyes, the teacher showed the towel to her teaching partner. Was this for real? As they watched their charges paddling around in shallow pools, they discussed how to handle the situation. They noticed the muddy areas that surrounded the wading pools but acknowledged that there really wasn’t an easy solution. The way it worked was that each morning the maintenance staff would fill a couple of kiddie pools with just enough water that the kids could cool off, have some fun splashing, and get used to “swimming.” After about 15 minutes of this wet fun, the kids would leave the pools and sit on the towels they had laid out under a tent. There, they could dry off while singing songs, playing games and socializing with their peers.

For health reasons, the pools had to be dumped after every class and refilled, which happened probably a half dozen times each day. The way the ground was graded, eventually the water formed puddles because the ground could only drain so much. The kids were corralled under a tented area and oftentimes the water found its way to that spot. Hence, Rachel’s muddy, wet towel.

Rachel’s mother didn’t pick her up from camp that day, so the teachers decided to wait until the next day to address the note. When the little girl arrived, there was another note in her backpack, this time on paper. It read, “How can you women who are mothers put up with this mess? Rachel’s towel comes home dirty every day. As teachers, don’t you feel you have the obligation to prevent it from coming home in that condition?”

The teachers did not share this mother’s view about the situation. They responded in a return note which explained that the area does get muddy at times, though they try to avoid those particular spots. Some kids may drop their towels in the mud or flop down in a wet area - they are only two years old! But it’s important for the children to have a chance to dry outdoors in an area safely protected from the sun, even if that area occasionally gets muddy. It’s equally important for them to be able to wrap their towels around their wet bodies when they walk back into the air conditioned building so they don’t freeze.

The teachers reminded this mother that from the beginning they had urged the parents to send in thrift store towels or old ones ready for the rag bag, knowing that they’d get dirty. They pointed out that it was more important that the children get to enjoy swimming and playing outside than have to stay in because their towels may get messy.

Rachel never seemed to mind if her towel got muddy or wet. She was a happy child who loved the water. Ultimately, the teachers suggested that her mother send in a terry cloth robe that they could put on Rachel while she walked back into the building. That would certainly keep her towel drier. As for the mud, they did the best they could. The irony is that mud washes out, permanent marker does not!

In the end, there were bad feelings on both sides, but that didn’t need to happen. The mother could have found a far better way to communicate her feelings. She immediately put the teachers on the defensive by using the towel as her means for communication. She also personally insulted them by suggesting that as mothers they should know better and that the situation was their fault.

The teachers might have nipped the situation in the bud if they had called the mother as soon as they read her note. Though they recognized her concerns and ultimately addressed them to her satisfaction, the experience would have been more positive had it been handled differently. What if Rachel’s mother had called or stopped by at the beginning or end of the day to rationally discuss the problem? She might have asked the teachers what the pool procedure was to understand why the situation was happening. She even could have come into camp to actually see the pool process in action. That would allow her to tell them that she recognized the problem but had a suggestion for how to handle it.

It is essential that parents and teachers form a partnership in order to most effectively meet the children’s needs. The key to that partnership is communication and that is most effective from the person’s mouth. Remember, teachers are people too, and most of us are also parents. We will listen to your concerns and find a satisfactory solution. The bottom line is that we all only want what is best for your child.

Please share with me a communication problem you experienced and how you resolved it. Thanks for reading!