Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Childhood: Too Much Too Soon? So says the USA Today

Today's USA Today said that nearly 6 in 10 mothers say children are growing up too fast. They attribute the major reasons for this trend to:
Allowing Internet use without supervision - 75%
Dressing kids in age-inappropriate clothing - 74%
Over-scheduling kids' lives - 63%
Giving kids cellphones - 59%

For parents of preschoolers, your kids surely don't have real cell phones yet, and while they may be wizards on the computer, they probably aren't using the Internet. As for age-inappropriate clothing, as toddlers the only thing that may be deemed inappropriate is having them not wearing clothing at all.

So, for your young kids, that leaves over-scheduling kids' lives. While I am a huge proponent of allowing kids to try many activities to see what they enjoy, I am a firm believer in being very careful that you don't get too carried away. From birth to one or two, Mommy and Me classes are a wonderful way to allow your child to interact with other kids their age, while giving you parents an opportunity to socialize with peers going through the same things you're experiencing. One class each week is perfect.

At three or four, your child might show interest in a physical activity, such as a little gym, soccer, dance, or karate. In some cases parents take part in these classes, but there are also options to watch your child as he enjoys these activities without you. Try one and see how your child does. Is he willing to walk in without you? Or, does he seem anxious and cry? Let him determine his comfort level. Assure him that you are on the other side of the window or door watching, and you can't wait to see him having fun with his friends. If you have a friend or neighbor who can join you, that should make him even more comfortable.

I advise parents to allow their children to explore different activities, some physical because exercise is important for every person, but other things too. He will make it clear what he likes, and is good at, and that will help steer the things you sign him up for as he gets older.

Just be careful not to have so many activities at once that he's too tired to appreciate each one individually. Spontaneous moments are often the most special ones for a child and his parent, and if you over-schedule, you won't have the opportunity to enjoy those incredible, unplanned moments.

check out my blog at www.preschoolteach.blogspot.com
e-mail me at terribakman@gmail.com

Sunday, August 9, 2009

How to Communicate with your Child's Teacher

I'm on vacation, so here's an earlier entry about communicating with your child's teacher.

Inevitably, something goes wrong that causes ruffled feathers among a parent or teacher, or in the worst case, both. If left alone, this miscommunication can fester and grow, and affect the relationship between the parent and teacher. There is no reason that this has to happen. Communication, quickly, and honestly, is the key to getting back on a positive track.

Here's a true story that happened to one of my colleagues:

During the summer camp program, tots come to play games, sing songs, cook, and wade in shallow pools. One summer, during the third day of camp in the two year old program, one of my colleagues gathered together her students’ things to go out to the pool. When she pulled one child’s towel out of her backpack, she discovered that it had been written on in indelible red magic marker. To her surprise and dismay, she read a note that said, “Dear teachers, I do not like to leave camp all muddy and wet. Signed, Rachel’s towel.”

Not believing her eyes, the teacher showed the towel to her teaching partner. Was this for real? As they watched their charges paddling around in shallow pools, they discussed how to handle the situation. They noticed the muddy areas that surrounded the wading pools but acknowledged that there really wasn’t an easy solution. The way it worked was that each morning the maintenance staff would fill a couple of kiddie pools with just enough water that the kids could cool off, have some fun splashing, and get used to “swimming.” After about 15 minutes of this wet fun, the kids would leave the pools and sit on the towels they had laid out under a tent. There, they could dry off while singing songs, playing games and socializing with their peers.

For health reasons, the pools had to be dumped after every class and refilled, which happened probably a half dozen times each day. The way the ground was graded, eventually the water formed puddles because the ground could only drain so much. The kids were corralled under a tented area and oftentimes the water found its way to that spot. Hence, Rachel’s muddy, wet towel.

Rachel’s mother didn’t pick her up from camp that day, so the teachers decided to wait until the next day to address the note. When the little girl arrived, there was another note in her backpack, this time on paper. It read, “How can you women who are mothers put up with this mess? Rachel’s towel comes home dirty every day. As teachers, don’t you feel you have the obligation to prevent it from coming home in that condition?”

The teachers did not share this mother’s view about the situation. They responded in a return note which explained that the area does get muddy at times, though they try to avoid those particular spots. Some kids may drop their towels in the mud or flop down in a wet area - they are only two years old! But it’s important for the children to have a chance to dry outdoors in an area safely protected from the sun, even if that area occasionally gets muddy. It’s equally important for them to be able to wrap their towels around their wet bodies when they walk back into the air conditioned building so they don’t freeze.

The teachers reminded this mother that from the beginning they had urged the parents to send in thrift store towels or old ones ready for the rag bag, knowing that they’d get dirty. They pointed out that it was more important that the children get to enjoy swimming and playing outside than have to stay in because their towels may get messy.

Rachel never seemed to mind if her towel got muddy or wet. She was a happy child who loved the water. Ultimately, the teachers suggested that her mother send in a terry cloth robe that they could put on Rachel while she walked back into the building. That would certainly keep her towel drier. As for the mud, they did the best they could. The irony is that mud washes out, permanent marker does not!

In the end, there were bad feelings on both sides, but that didn’t need to happen. The mother could have found a far better way to communicate her feelings. She immediately put the teachers on the defensive by using the towel as her means for communication. She also personally insulted them by suggesting that as mothers they should know better and that the situation was their fault.

The teachers might have nipped the situation in the bud if they had called the mother as soon as they read her note. Though they recognized her concerns and ultimately addressed them to her satisfaction, the experience would have been more positive had it been handled differently. What if Rachel’s mother had called or stopped by at the beginning or end of the day to rationally discuss the problem? She might have asked the teachers what the pool procedure was to understand why the situation was happening. She even could have come into camp to actually see the pool process in action. That would allow her to tell them that she recognized the problem but had a suggestion for how to handle it.

It is essential that parents and teachers form a partnership in order to most effectively meet the children’s needs. The key to that partnership is communication and that is most effective from the person’s mouth. Remember, teachers are people too, and most of us are also parents. We will listen to your concerns and find a satisfactory solution. The bottom line is that we all only want what is best for your child.

Please share with me a communication problem you experienced and how you resolved it. terribakman@gmail.com

Friday, August 7, 2009

Can't Get Your Child in the Classroom Door? Ways to Make the Back to School Transition Easier

On one hand, summer seems to be dragging on and you are looking forward to school starting again. Yet, your toddler spent the first three weeks of school last year feeling anxious and crying and you can't stomach the thought of going through that again. There are things you can do now to help prepare your little one to make the transition easier.

For starters, go visit school. If there's a summer camp program there, even better. Choose a time when kids will be on the playground and take your child to see how much fun they are having. If possible, ask the Preschool Director if she can tell you who your child's teacher will be, and if that teacher is there in the summer, take your child in to meet her. If not, let him bring cookies or flowers into the secretary or gym teacher or someone else who will be a familiar face come September. It's all about making him feel comfortable.

Then, give him something to be excited about. If you know the classroom he will be in, take him in to see it. Find a specific toy, stuffed animal, poster, or some object that he is attracted to, and give it a special name. Find something about that object that you and he can have a "secret" about, and remind him that you can't wait until he gets to school so he can see it again.

Go shopping and choose a backpack with your child's favorite character on it that he will be proud to show off in school. Let him pick it out (if you are worried about his selection, give him two choices that you approve, but let him decide which one.) Do the same for his back to school outfit. The night before school starts, lay his clothes out (that he has chosen) and encourage him to dress himself in his special new duds.

The more your child feels that he is part of the process, the more comfortable he will feel, and the easier his transition will be.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Toddler Discipline: The Importance of Following Through

I find that, in general, parents are indulging their children more now than ever, and when it comes to disciplining their toddler, they neglect to follow through. For various reasons, they seem to find it difficult to say no to their child, even though they know they should. This behavior sets a bad precedent because it will make discipline even more difficult as the children get older, when he may encounter more dangerous situations.

Children need rules and structure and they must know that there are limits for their own well-being. Parents must teach their children these rules, and then they need to enforce them. As a parent, you are responsible for your children’s safety, and it is your job to teach them how to be able to function cooperatively in society.

Some parents can’t say no because they want to be best friends with their child and don’t want their little one to be angry or disappointed. One such mother recognized that she should put her foot down more often, but worked to avoid these situations instead of addressing them. So, when we were selling pretzels in the school lobby as a fundraiser, this mother felt obligated to buy her son a pretzel every day after school.

“I object to your selling pretzels,” she told the fundraiser coordinator. “My kid comes out every day and wants a pretzel. I say no, but he carries on and I have to buy him one. Then he’s not hungry for lunch.”

Needless to say, her protests fell on deaf ears. It would have been a far greater lesson for her son had she told him that just because the pretzels are there, it doesn’t mean they have to buy one. It is almost lunch time and if he eats a big pretzel now, he won’t be hungry for lunch. As a special treat, she’ll buy him a pretzel on Friday, as a reward for being a good boy all week and not asking for a pretzel every day.

You can say no to your child and still have him love and respect you. You are his parent, not his best friend. Learning to discipline your child when he is very young, and understanding the importance of following through on a punishment, will serve you and your child well throughout his life.

Please send comments to terribakman@gmail.com

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Developing Fine Motor Skills in Art: Process Not Product

Summer is the perfect time to create projects with your kids, all the while helping them develop stronger fine motor skills through toddler art. Though you want them to do you proud when you hang them on the fridge, keep in mind that it's not the finished product that's important. There are three basic goals children should achieve when making any project: 1) be creative, 2) learn about using different mediums, and 3) develop their fine motor skills.

The children in our class create some kind of project every day. Most of the time, we hang their work in the hall for a week or two before sending it home. The students take great pride in their artwork and the parents enjoy seeing what the children have made.

While we offer suggestions regarding how the students might make a particular project, we are not concerned with the finished product. That is secondary to the process of achieving those three goals. My favorite projects are those that encourage so much creativity, that other than using the same medium, no two children’s pictures look anything alike.

Whenever possible, we allow the children to choose the color paper or paint they’d like to use. Of course, there are only so many choices available to them, but this fosters decision making. If we are offering four colors of construction paper, and a particular color runs out, some children must make a second choice. This provides a lesson in not always getting what you want, and forces them to make another decision.

Some children love to make art projects and can spend a full fifteen minutes on their craft. They are meticulous about coloring in the lines, and using colors that make sense to them, such as green trees or a yellow sun. When making the Cat in the Hat’s hat, these students insist that the stripes must be in the correct pattern - red, white, red, white - and they work fastidiously to fill the entire hat.

Other children would much rather be playing than creating. We do our projects individually, with a teacher working with just one or two children at a time. The rest of the kids are enjoying free play throughout the classroom. For some kids, it’s very hard to concentrate on putting stickers on a page, when another child is playing with his favorite truck. So, while every child must make the project of the day, the amount of time he chooses to spend on it is up to him. If a child would much rather be playing, he is likely to scribble all over a picture instead of worrying about coloring in the lines, or he might choose to apply three stickers instead of eight. That’s all fine as long as he completes the task at hand. It is not about the finished product, but the process it took to get there.

So for the remainder of the summer, encourage your child to practice cutting - a very important and difficult skill; coloring - great for fine motor skill development; and being creative. Just don't get hung up on the finished product.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Bike Helmet Safety and Bike Helmet Laws for Kids

Yesterday I talked about when to teach your little one to ride a bike. Today I want to talk about helmets. Even though teens don't have to wear helmets by law (check out http://www.iihs.org/laws/mapbicyclehelmets.aspx for the law in your state,)they absolutely should.

My kids were never allowed to ride without a helmet at any age, a family rule that caused much fighting during their formative teenage years. My one son was even pulled over by the police on several occassions, and rewarded with a coupon for a free ice cream cone because he was wearing a helmet. How devestating for a 14 year old! His friends didn't have to wear a helmet and he was mortified to be the only one who did.

Here are a few statistics from the Bicycle Helmet Safety Institute:
The "typical" bicyclist killed on our roads is a sober male over 16 not wearing a helmet riding on a major road between intersections in an urban area on a summer evening when hit by a car.

About 540,000 bicyclists visit emergency rooms with injuries every year. Of those, about 67,000 have head injuries, and 27,000 have injuries serious enough to be hospitalized.

Non-helmeted riders are 14 times more likely to be involved in a fatal crash than helmeted riders.

If your child learns to ride a bike and part of that lesson includes the fact that she must wear a helmet, she will recognize that this is part of bike riding forever. Being cool is not nearly enough of a trade-off compared to the risks of not wearing a helmet.

UPCOMING EVENTS:
Check these out at the Malvern School of Washington Township:
Tuesday, August 11, 2009- “Spend the Day in Pre-K” and “Sneak a Peek at Preschool” with the Music Man visiting at 10am
Wednesday, August 19, 2009-“Come and Play for a Day with the Toddlers” with Mister Softee visiting at 11am.

The address is:
The Malvern School of Washington Township
329 Greentree Road
Sewell, NJ 08080
856-218-2300

Monday, August 3, 2009

When to Teach a Child to Ride a Bike

When is the right time to take off the training wheels and teach your child how to ride her own two-wheeler? It may never be easy, but once your child learns, it's a skill she'll have for her whole life. This weekend we were at the shore with a group of friends and when it came time for the morning bike ride, one of the women, now in her mid-40's, admitted that she never learned how to ride a bike. It was a shame because she missed out on a beautiful, healthy, fun morning activity.

According the American Academy of Pediatrics:

1. Do not push your child to ride a 2-wheeled bike until he or she is ready, at about age 5 or 6. Consider the child's coordination and desire to learn to ride. Stick with coaster brakes until your child is older and more experienced.

2. Take your child with you when you shop for the bike, so that he or she can try it out. The value of a properly fitting bike far outweighs the value of surprising your child with a new bike.

3. Buy a bike that is the right size, not one your child has to "grow into." Oversized bikes are especially dangerous.

4. How to test any style of bike for proper fit:

a. Sitting on the seat with hands on the handlebar, your child must be able to place the balls of both feet on the ground.
b. Straddling the center bar, your child should be able to stand with both feet flat on the ground with about a 1-inch clearance between the crotch and the bar.
c. When buying a bike with hand brakes for an older child, make sure that the child can comfortably grasp the brakes and apply sufficient pressure to stop the bike.

5. A helmet should be standard equipment. Whenever buying a bike, be sure you have a Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC)-approved helmet for your child.

The process of teaching your child to ride his first two-wheeler likely won't be easy. There will be some frustration on both your parts and maybe a few tears (on both your parts!) but persevere! It will be well worth the effort when he can ride with his friends year after year after year.